Lou and kml both have given you great advice. I would be civil to the MIL, but I would put some distance between you and her. You don't know what she's up to and it sounds like she was playing nice to soften you up for the divorce process.
As for going to the gravesite...I wouldn't do it. You don't know how your h is going to behave around you and you don't want to be ambushed by them. If he's seeing and attorney and wants a divorce, then what's the point of you visiting the gravesite at this time? You can go to visit on your own when you want to.
Sometimes, we have to step back and protect ourselves from further hurt and I think this is one of those times. Be polite when declining the offer...but it's time your h come to realize what life will be like w/o you being there for him.
We didn't go. I actually never heard back from him since he said anything about it. I think I will take my daughter sometime in the next few weeks.
I've also come to realize he lies so much. He tells me things I guess to pacify me? or at least that is what he thinks he is doing when he says things.
Good for you haunted :o) so pleased to hear you made a decision based on what YOU wanted.
I am sorry to read about the d, its sad that some mlc'ers feel closing the door on their old life is the answer. It does come across that h and mil are trying to feel you out, play nice and hope that you will roll over - this is where you need to summon your strength and make sure that does not happen. I do hope that they don't play nasty, but sounds like that is most likely after your description of MIL at the game.
haunted, you are doing fantastic, you sound much calmer and see the value of having space from your h right now. Stay strong my friend, you have everyone here behind you ((hugs))
He brought our daughter by my work today after he picked her up for his weekend. He was absolutely hateful tonight. He told me this cuts into his time and this is his weekend. He wont even let her call me because its his weekend. Anything I said to him, he would reply back with such rude responses.
Man a lot has happened since I posted. He now has a new girlfriend of 2 weeks and they are trying to start a family.
We had our child support hearing. He came in and sat on the same bench as me but kept a distance from me. I said hey to him and he rolled his eyes at me. He did talk to me some in the court room. He said that the reason he left me is because of my smart mouth. He is angry and hurt by my mouth. He can't forgive me for it right now.
We had a little break in between. We were sitting outside and he said that I hurt him many times with my mouth. He said he knew he hurt me too and feels bad for all the things he has done. He said he didn't want to see me anytime soon and would rather just do exchanges with my mom. Say what??
After court was over, we walked out together. I went to the elevator, he was headed down the stairs. He said why don't you just walk down the stairs? It will be much faster. So i just walked down with him. We get outside and he shows me his new car and then asks if I want to see it. I look at it. He asked me did I like it. I said yeah, it's nice.
My mom, grandmother and I go eat. My mom calls to ask him if he wants to go eat. He really didn't want to but he did. My mom was paying and he told her we were not getting back together but he was going to start being nicer to me because I am the mother of his child.
I was going to check my daughter out of school, so he allowed me to ride with him to go check her out lol. He was kinda quiet in the car. He did tell me that he didn't hate me, he just hated my smart mouth. He said I know I wasn't a good husband.
He did give me a hug and a kiss on the check before he left.
This is why I just want to stay away for awhile because of all the wishy washy ways.
I'm sorry. Any old excuse will do for your h as to why he left you.
So, he wants to keep some distance from you and yet, he asks you about walking down the stairs, pointed out his new car, had lunch w/you and your family and yes, even taking you to the school...doesn't sound like distance to me...his words don't match his actions.
I would respect his decision about the distance issue and go as dim as you can w/him. He still doesn't appear to know what he wants in the way of communicating w/you.
Try to keep the focus on you and your child as much as possible. The holidays are fast approaching and your attention will need to be on her and making new traditions for the holidays for the both of you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
He now has a new girlfriend of 2 weeks and they are trying to start a family.
Ummmmm....this says it all right there, doesn't it? Does that sound like a SANE ADULT to you???? Thought not.
And given that level of insanity - take everything that comes out of his mouth with a grain of salt. Pretty sure he didn't dump you and become insane because you had a smart mouth (IF you even do - do you?).
He's pissed at me because I wouldn't let our daughter go with his this weekend. He even tried lying and saying his girlfriend went home this morning.
Anyway he texted me and said he was pissed at me, but what would it matter and something about I wouldn't care either way. I said we need to be civil. Then he sends this text lol
Being civil has nothing to do with flirting heather. I don't now nor will I ever want to be with you again.
If you are asking what is going on...here's my take:
Civil to him is letting him have his way about everything. He's angry that he didn't get his way. He may also be trying to remind you that your "mouth" tends to say things that he doesn't like or want to hear. They tend to bring up stuff that's happened in the past and will not let you forget the wrongs you've done them (or so they think).
My advice, don't respond back. He's angry and he wants to get you riled up enough for you to come back at him. Step away and let him simmer in his pot of juices today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
