At what point was forgiveness freely given? How can an offending spouse be contrite, remorseful and willing to do anthing to make amends without being abused or a doormat..?
Any other Hs or Ws in a similar predicament with advice
I am not in this sich however I would think that each case is different Their are LBS's here that have said that if their is a physical affair then that is a DEAL breaker.
Not sure if I agree with that however each person has their own limits and boundaries.
My suggestion is to let go of that for now and turn all your attention on to yourself.
How can you become a spouse that only a fool would leave? What do you need to do if you are going to have a new relationship with someone.
Because that is what is going to have to happen. Your old marriage is dead and you need to build a new one. Either with your wife or someone else.
At what point was forgiveness freely given? How can an offending spouse be contrite, remorseful and willing to do anthing to make amends without being abused or a doormat..?
Any other Hs or Ws in a similar predicament with advice
I am not in this sich however I would think that each case is different Their are LBS's here that have said that if their is a physical affair then that is a DEAL breaker.
Not sure if I agree with that however each person has their own limits and boundaries.
My suggestion is to let go of that for now and turn all your attention on to yourself.
How can you become a spouse that only a fool would leave? What do you need to do if you are going to have a new relationship with someone.
Because that is what is going to have to happen. Your old marriage is dead and you need to build a new one. Either with your wife or someone else.
Does that make sense?
^^^^^ x2 x2 x2
I remember when I first joined and Cadet's advice always seemed so cryptic.
You have really good questions regarding forgiveness and how to be remorseful without being a doormat.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
We have 2 young kids in soccer...we agreed to split time at the fields...but she always makes plans..so that she can't stay.. Last night she had a doctors appointment. ..after I agreed to take the kids to soccer she texts me an hour later saying after docs she's going out with "work friends "....I know the people she works with and she has always said I'm going for a drink with x... I didn't ask who..or where..I merely said ok... An hour after that she texts..I don't know how long I'll be ...but drop the kids at home ..if I'm not there mom will be (MIL offered her unfinished basement. ..she refurbished ).
Now today :.W: Can you meet me at soccer and watch the kids? I have a board meeting tonight
Ok my dilemma is how do I tell her no without letting my kids down? I already know the backlash I will receive for not "being there for your kids"
And seeing as I try to see them everyday regardless..I was going to attend but not stay to the end.. Am I being harsh or especially vindictive?
Joining board and reading as opened my eyes
Apologies for another long post....just good to be able to get things off chest..
I remember when I first joined and Cadet's advice always seemed so cryptic.
Maybe you are just starting to understand my cryptic-ness!
Not sure that's a good thing...
As for your question SPD, I'm confused - you both meet every time for soccer? If not, why don't you lay out a schedule for the season? That way you don't wind up in these pickles.
We have laid out a schedule ..who takes them on what day etc etc... but on the days i dont take them..I still go to practices to support them...W knowing that schedules personal items during that time..salon..manipedis..
When i dont do as she wants..I get scolded that i never see the kids..and "you would think you would want to spend more time with them"
I guess a my question is in detaching myself and letting her sink or swim...when is it detrimental to the kids?..
I can only assume if I can't go they will stay at home with her mom..which is unfair to them..
It's not that your OVERthinking detachment, you're just not really applying it. It isn't a physical release of her - it's an EMOTIONAL one. So being detached means that you don't take it as a scolding from her, because you already know you're a good dad. Make sense? Read the homework thread - it's really important!
As for the schedule, can you clarify more? Does she come on your days? What kind of custody arrangement is there? If it were me, I would have other things going on during her days...
Ahhhh..ok..got it.. Told her I could not..no reason.. Went to the movies (fantastic four [censored])
When I called my kids at bedtime (I call every day hear their favorite thing of the day) my S8 was overly agitated. Apparently MIL and SFIL had to fill in..and they were not pleased..
I could hear her in the background rushing them off the phone and hurry up to get to bed..
Made my heart lurch...but I have to allow her to do her and no longer be guilty into enabling her fantasies..
