Mutatio, yes, this is a great place to vent. Because "In real life" I think we start wearing people down with our venting and then they just want us to be happy and think we should just move on. And the advice we get here is so much more helpful than from anywhere else.
I often find myself writing up a post and then deleting it and even that is helpful.
Thought for the day. When do I get to be angry? Because I have every right to be, but if I vent it H cannot handle it and it will make things worse. And if I don't vent it, where will it go, will I end up getting sick or blowing up at some inopportune moment? When/if H finally checks back in and falls back in love with me, then can I vent it? But then will I want to?
I am really really angry. I've been expressing my sadness, but haven't found an outlet for the anger yet. It's been 6 months since BD, and tbh things weren't all that great for awhile before BD. Should I take up kickboxing or jogging or something? What do I do with this?
Plus also I am still more sad than angry, but the anger pops up at odd times, for example every time I read a newbie's post on here, or something reminds me of OW. And is it wrong that I really really really wish I could put a spell or something on her so she would get fat and develop a BO problem? And why does my mind even think like that? I don't even believe in that but I'd do it in a heartbeat if I could.
I swear I spend very little time or energy thinking like this, mostly I have a PMA but the anger is real and justified and I'm going to have to do something with it eventually. Any advice?
I recommend primal screaming in the car - also bashing pillows on the bed with other pillows. You dont need to let the anger out at H, but do find ways to release it..
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks, I missed that thread. Just read half of it, and ordered a book someone recommended. The Journey from Abandonment to Healing. I think I am in all of the stages at once.
Depressed, angry, accepting, all together. I am doing really well actually considering. I just get these blasts of anger and I am managing them fine right now, but I know there is more to come.
Thank you. I will finish reading that thread a little later, letting it sink in.
Sotto, pillows wouldn't do it, I think I should use my sons' punching bag. Maybe put a pic of H on it. I am angry, but not really at him, if that makes sense. Angry at things he did, angry at the OW, angry with my IL's, but not so much at H. I feel really bad for him actually. Yes angry too, but more sad and disappointed in him and concerned about him than angry. I feel like this is not him and he is hurting. But it is him even if he is hurting. My feelings are confused.
But as someone in that thread said, we might be going through the same stages as our MLC partner, but at least we get to do it with dignity and honor. WTF is he thinking? I guess he isn't. I wish I could turn off my brain for a few hours.
I completely understand about being mostly sad, even though I am angry too. I know H is depressed and in a bad place. But I have to remember he has free will and he chose to walk away from me. He chooses to love OW and not me. I don't know if that will every change and that makes me very sad.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
Thought for the day. When do I get to be angry? Because I have every right to be, but if I vent it H cannot handle it and it will make things worse. And if I don't vent it, where will it go, will I end up getting sick or blowing up at some inopportune moment? When/if H finally checks back in and falls back in love with me, then can I vent it? But then will I want to?
I am really really angry. I've been expressing my sadness, but haven't found an outlet for the anger yet. It's been 6 months since BD, and tbh things weren't all that great for awhile before BD. Should I take up kickboxing or jogging or something? What do I do with this?
Plus also I am still more sad than angry, but the anger pops up at odd times, for example every time I read a newbie's post on here, or something reminds me of OW. And is it wrong that I really really really wish I could put a spell or something on her so she would get fat and develop a BO problem? And why does my mind even think like that? I don't even believe in that but I'd do it in a heartbeat if I could.
I swear I spend very little time or energy thinking like this, mostly I have a PMA but the anger is real and justified and I'm going to have to do something with it eventually. Any advice?
Hi Photoka,
I read your thread and empathize with you alot. I'm sorry you're here.
It's natural to be angry, and yes, you have every right to be. I'm 11 months in and I didn't stop being angry (consistently) until about May-June. And I was FURIOUS. I couldn't vent to my H because he would scream at me. I couldn't hold it in because I would get even angrier. It was a nasty cycle. I found that three things have helped me:
1. Write down everything I want to say. Just let it out. I did that the first few months. I would just pour everything out and get it out of my system.
2. Exercise. I personally do crossfit, and let me tell you -- it's been the savior of my sanity. For an hour a day, it busts my tail so hard that the only thing I can think of is breathing and not throwing up all over myself.
3. IC. I found an IC who is much more suited to me and my personality and it's helped to go in and rant and rave to her. I usually take my gym bag afterwards and go workout and get everything out.
You have to embrace your anger to move through it. The longer you deny it - the more time it has to build.
Hang in there.
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15
I am angry, but not really at him, if that makes sense. Angry at things he did, angry at the OW, angry with my IL's, but not so much at H. I feel really bad for him actually. Yes angry too, but more sad and disappointed in him and concerned about him than angry.
Sotto - I am right here with you. I feel really bad for my H because he thinks this is making him happy but admitted that he isn't sure it is. No sh*t it isn't making him happy because he isn't working on himself at all. I am very concerned about his well being and state of mind.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
Ep, you are right, he isn't happy because all he does is sleep, complain about me, drink, smoke, and lie. He isn't doing one damn thing for himself. He thinks he is because he goes to therapy, so I truly hope there is some actual therapy taking place. But based on what he tells me, sounds like just bashing me in there. Oh well, that is his problem. When/if he ever comes out of this I am going to be miles ahead of him in every way. The longer he takes, the wider the gap.
