My anniversary is next week. I need to find my "non-mushy, non-love filled" anniversary card, and maybe a gift. I will give H the card, not sure about a gift just yet.
At the start of this year, when I put in vacation time from work, I requested my anniversary and the day after, I was being hopefull that this year,,,just maybe...well now I will cancel those days, use them somewhere else, kinda sad about it, BUT this will be the 2nd anniversay since BD, so I'm able to move thru the emotions quickly and focus elsewhere on the positives in my life!
My H is still in the oven cooking, peaking out every now and then, reaching our every now and then to see if I'm still there standing outside the stove,,,checking every now and then to see if H is done.
H latest worry is now about his job, every day someone is being fired and now H is worried that he might be next. Also orried that the days he took off being sick is going to affect him...
I also think that since he is worried about his job, this may be why he has been extra attentive to me and what I'm doing, doing extra work around the house, being extra agreeable,,,he knows if he loses his job he will need me even more,,,just wondering if this is where all this "extra" is coming from?
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Need advice I really dont want to get a anniversary card for H. I DONT know if he will this year or not, I planned to have a card in case he did. But now I dont want to get a card or just in case gift. I dont want to even pretend to celebrate that day....why even acknowledge it when H is still not wearing his ring, still whatever he is. Then on the other hand, I wonder how he would feel if he got me something and I dont do the same...then I think oh well...so what. What do u guys think, anniversary is tuesday.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
You are over thinking the situation. Get a generic card and keep it handy. I wouldn't get a gift. If he gets you something, you can always take him out for a quick bite or a movie as his "gift". If he doesn't acknowledge the day at all, then don't give him the card unless you really want to. This is your call.
As for him wearing his ring, you shouldn't base your relationship concerns on whether he's wearing it or not. I would put the ring issue on hold and leave it alone for now. He's still at home and doing things w/you and your family once in a while...that tells me he's still there for now.
Again, it's your decision as to what you want to do about the card. Me, personally, I would get a generic card and have it handy...just in case he gets you one.
You had the same issue last year and got him a card and this is what happened:
UPDATE
H left me a gift of a GPS with a post it note "No card, same to you"
I did not expect a gift at all. So I thanked him and ask if there was anything he wanted. He mentioned some boots that he has kinda ask for on his bday, fathers day and last christmas...so when I got home I told him to let me know where they were..I went ahead and ordered them for a gift for bday, fathers day and anniversay.
we the night sitting on deck way into the night just talking WOW it was better then old times, we LOL at the crazy things our son does, LOL at family, and just LOL in general. NO talk about our M or R or even mention of anniversay. It was kinda like how you would talk and LOL on a date, just enjoying each others company.
We then ML. It was great!
BUT I know he is not out of the tunnel, not ready to fully return to M (if ever) and this was a small peak into how it could be. I hope he felt that way too, but I will continue to work on myself, GAL etc.
Oh before I came home I ran some errands, got home alot later then I normally do, and instead of H calling me to ask me where I was, H harrassed our son about my whereabouts, even telling son maybe she is over cousins and made son ride bike around corner to see if I was there..when I got home H said where were you did you have to work late,,,I was like a little and changed the subject (that was mystery).
Maybe you will have another little surprise waiting for you this year. You just don't know and can't "assume" what he will or won't do or say.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Job, I just feel differently this year. But I will get a grneric card and give it him just in case. Lasy year was better then I expected, but this year I can tell I dont feel the same.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Of course you feel different this year. You've grown and learned a lot about yourself over the last 12 months. Your h has inched his way along and he's still got a ways to go, or as I say his baking time isn't up in the MLC oven.
It's up to you what you want to do about your anniversary. We can give you advice, but at the end of the day...it's on you to make the decision that is right for you. If you don't want to purchase a card, then don't.
I will pray on this and I do appreciate al the advice. I just dont feel the need to acknowledge our anniversary. That is what Im feeling right now... But a just in case card...that feels like something I should/could do. But it feels fake somehow...hmmm I need to just pray on it.
Last edited by 2BHappy; 08/22/1502:55 PM.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
IDK 2B....Based on your H this last year, I think he will address your anniversary one way or another...
I know your feelings have changed but obviously you care about this day otherwise you wouldn't be worried about it. So, I am not a card person, but if that is something you normally do, then I think having one on hand is a great idea. H and I don't do cards but would instead make a favorite dessert, like brownies, or get a favorite wine, or I would get H his favorite candy....something simple but thoughtful.
Make it your day, plan one of your favorite meals to make that way it is special for you no matter what. Plan something nice for YOU, keep expectations aT zero, and see what happens. Just my 2 cents.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
M4, those are great ideas. And I agree if I did not really care, I would not give it a 2nd thought.
I swear H can sense when as I pull more away, he is falling me around the house as Im cleaning just talking about any and everything... Saying that he is going to make adjustments to hi work schedule to attend more of s15 football games. Very talkative today.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
