I am sorry it took me so long to drop a word for you. Been is a huge D mess myself. Well, all what I can say is that we find we are like department store.
We cry because we are very, very sad and hurt. We feel relieved because it gives us closure. We feel weak because we miss this bastard that is also blind. We feel brave and encouraged because we are strong and awesome.
So it is a bit of everything boiling in a big pan. At this point until it is actually done, there will be no good or bad, right or wrong, sad or happy.
As by my own experience now, the emotions will play the big game and we betray ourselves pretty often. We think tomorrow will be a sad day and then it just happen we felt quite good, and vice-versa.
Your H is a big stupid like mine and many others mentioned in this board. I have been like an Yo-Yo and it did not make a difference or gave me any advantage or resolved anything. All what I had was a year of great pain, what is inevitable.
D may be what he needs to really feel his losses and wake up one morning and do not smell any coffee, just his own stinky.
My XH is worse now then he was before the D, his words have been changing and he is now contemplating his craziness and a huge mess. He is miserable because his big dreams became bitter shots of reality.
Not to sound too mean but: I cried a lot for a long time, but have been educating myself, becoming a better person and realizing that I can do a lot in my future. XH has been all butterflies, smiling and making plans for a bright future, feeling like he was the king of the world, working on his affair and all his plans of divorcing me. Now he is all tears, his R is ending and he is lost, not to say that very broke too.
Now, I may have second thoughts if I want this broken crying baby guy that can't stand for himself... leaves me to think he won't ever stand for my family or for me.
I would just suggest that you just let your emotions flow and cry when you want to, scream, be angry, be happy, be... just be you and don't hold back on any kind of emotion. It will help you to get through this hard time.
It's hard sweetie, very, very hard, but it will get better and you will survive and strive for a better future. Your H will do what he needs to with his life to just find out that he is more miserable then before.
Maybe he will write "Memoirs of a dysfunctional man" by a guy that does not know how to be a H (2nd M done), is not the best dad, and is always looking for Happiness from others instead of his own self.
BELIEVE...it is hard for the time being and dealing with all the paperwork, but it gradually gets better. When it is all done you will start feeling some weird feeling of self worthy and it is great.
Love you lots and as V said, I also learned to care a lot for you. I will hold my heart close to you, wishing you the strength you need to move forward.
Thanks for stopping by Deja Vu. And Pink and RD, my stalwart friends, I appreciate you checking in on how I'm doing.
I've been away working last couple of days, and was out last night for dinner with a couple of former colleagues. One of them I hadn't seen for a couple of days and she was staggered at how well I seem to be doing given all circumstances. She said that I look glowing and peaceful - not bad after a busy day at work and a challenging year!
This evening is a bit of a downer. I got back to a couple of emails from the L. One is the financial disclosure. I hadn't realised you get all bank transactions and I've had to stop myself spending hours pouring over those to see what H has been up to. Not good for me to do that. Also, I received the D petition and so I'll need to respond to that.
All in all, the info isn't bad. I had prepared myself for worse. I can see that the D grounds - of which there are three - are probably as watered down as they could get away with. Also, there were no unpleasant surprises about living with someone else, or planning to. I can see that H is probably trying to make this as painless as possible. So, I guess it is all as good as I could have hoped for really - just feels a bit rotten to receive it all. I'm not tearful, just have a heaviness in my chest tonight.
But I'm just trying to see that this is some of the brutal reality I need to engage with in order to get to the other side. I'll get there - I can do it if you can Pink!!
Take care all xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
You are doing super well girlfriend. The reality is that it won't go away until it is done, once it is final, so as you too. I think it is like a nuclear bomb exploding inside of your heart.
It is only destruction and pain. There is nothing beautiful about, no grace, no charm, only hurt, pain and an ugly picture of the lost hope.
But then it comes the next few days that you have no other choice but pick yourself up and start the self work. That's when you look at yourself and see the value, the grace, the charm, kindness, strength, energy, beauty... really you start seeing how much is there and how great of a person you are.
And then something start changing inside of you, there are a lot of pain but that pain start transforming into the energy to rebuild your life.
You start thinking that you have been working and thinking about someone that may not deserve so much, you will find yourself letting go, detachment start happening for real and you feel lighter and kind of happier in a way.
You finally figure it out that your H will do whatever he wants or needs to do to find himself. That if and when he comes back, it will be then that you will think if this is still the R you want or not.
You are worry free and single. So, think about how many great things you can do...and live your life like there is no tomorrow.
I know you can do it, and one day we will meet somewhere and go from one pub to the next and have "the fun of the century".
Sorry you're having a bit of a downer but glowing and peaceful is a good compliment to receive.
Something like this is always going to be hard to see in black and white so its good your H is trying to make it as easy as possible. He could have been difficult or mean in what he said which would have been entirely unjustified. Not sure if thats better or worse for the emotional side though
I hadn't thought about the transaction thing. Cant say im looking forward to seeing all the train tickets and hotel rooms on my XWs when it comes through.
Anyway take care of yourself Sotto
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Hi Sotto. Just to back up what Pink and Jim have said. Having info on H or his life will not do you any good . You will mind read all sort of scenarios in to possibly innocent events. H seems to have kept hurtfulness to a minimum so that has to show a level of caring
I often wonder why someone like you would hang onto hopes of an R with someone like your H. You are kind , caring , positive and loads more while he seems the opposite but then I remember you love him You had a life together and there is a connection As I've said it obvious to me that H has serious issues and I truly believe he will be regretting his choices for a very long time
I saw you posting on Crimsons post earlier in the week and it was nice to see a success story. I took from it that we all must continue with our life's Sotto has been doo g that since BD and I admire you so much for that I know you've been sad and down and with each development a new wave of sadness starts but at those times look inward at who you are and who you have become. There is rarely a post where on some GAL activity you haven't met a new friend who wants to spend time with you Its a measure of your personality that people are drawn to you. I post on a few threads with words of encouragement or not so sage advice. It on yours and a few select others I have an emotional involvement
Should we ever meet I have no doubt we would be friends in the real world and I would be the lucky one. It's hard for you to see but like Pink you are such a strong lady with so much to look forward to that Im a little envious
Sotto will look back on this period of her life with a little sadness but she won't have too much time to do so because she will be too busy loving her life
Hi Sweetheart! Just checking on you and here to remind you that it won't kill you and it's not the end of 'YOU". There much, much more to be accomplish in your life and the world have so many millions of people.
Your days now seems to be hard and heavy, but it will get better, I promise...
Remember that right now it is one day at a time. Pamper yourself and keep a good pace towards a life you will discover again.
Please, please, please, every time you don't feel too good, post whatever here, we will be here for you no matter what.
Sending you positive energy, encouragement, good thoughts, wisdom... and a lot, lots of big hugs ... (((((Sotto))))))
Let's dream a little. That nuclear bomb Pink has SO aptly described - fall out is cleared soon, new trees are growing and you have found more happiness after 'walking through that door' than you could have imagined.
You've handled this chapter of your life with so much grace.
But promise to let that heaviness out when you need, bawl your eyes out, it releases emotions to heal.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
