Hi. vanillia. Just thinking of you I've just got into baby tomatoes with a glass of wine. I've been reading your posts re diet and I'm delighted to see health is becoming forefront in your world I know finns are always a issue at the moment but without the old health all else is un important
I'm not to good a the moment in my sitch but I have a great life otherwise. I made payment on the holiday today so myself and the three youngest are off to ( hopefully ) sunny lanzarote at the end of next month. Been busy getting school books etc ready for the three musketeers to head back to school Last months figures for the business wernt to bad so we can all eat for another month !!!
EXW has been calling and when Iin the home she seeks out my company but it's 10 months since she left and no change. She certainly isn't getting on with her own life as you would expect but at the same time maybe she's content with how things are.
Thinking about my own future and I would struggle to see EXW back in the home I know things can change so I will not speak in absolutes
Thanks for checking in Sis. Take care and stick to the diet plan Rd. xxxx
I always find it interesting to see what different people find easy and are quite casual about - I wouldn't have a clue where to start with an engine rebuild, two stroke or not.
Why do you say not too good in your sitch? And why do you struggle to EXW back in the home (although this is getting ahead of where you are at)?
I'm just curious really to know where your thinking is at.
Despite that it's good you can see the positives in your life and Lanzarote should be a really good trip.
Have a good day RD
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Hi Jim. One of the piston rings caught the exhaust port and scored the barrel
Simple enough repair but means I need to get the barrel re lined so that's the only real issue
Two strokes very simple Jim and it's like most things once you've done it once !!!!
I'm big in to cars and bikes and love working on them. My garage is fully equipped and I have a bike ramp so I'm all set
The EXW thing is hard to explain. I see all the sitchs on here and mine seems a little different.
When EXW left I got the ILYBNILWY line but I also got hat she wanted us to stay together for the rest of our lives but not intimate I refused this and it just seemed to escalate and then she found her OM. At the time she was in perimenapause and I had just had a kidney transplant that placed EXW under huge pressure
I then made plans to leave and she asked me not to go but I then found out she was spending time with OM and I asked her to leave Once she left there was very little spew and if anything she was regretful and saying that she didn't regret one minute of our life together and wished she could go back to feeling how she felt a few years ago
Since she gone she been very upset and to this day saying she is very unhappy and has been talking about suicide. She has now been diagnosed with depression and on tablets which seem to be working
I have read all the sitchs on here and it doesn't seem like there is one to similar to mine. EXW and I get on , I don't pursue or have R talks in any way I do help her if I feel I can and she comes to house most days to see kids.
I feel that if EXW had more reasons to dislike me in the start of had a new life that she maybe would come to regret our R would have had a chance in the future but from where I am it looks like she simply does not love me anymore and that's that
I think you missed my post to you, but I feel you are very upset with the standing still in your sitch.
In some ways I always felt like your situation has similarities to mine. My XH still cries to this day and says that he is very regretful for the choices he made. He says he made one mistake on top of the other and that his life is a mess and he feels very miserable.
With all said, he does not move towards rebuilding our M or even trying a new M with me. These are all words of sorrow for the wrong choices and where "his" life is at the moment.
There is no sign of how other people feel about it, it's is still all about himself.
Your W does the same, she sees the mess she did, she regrets the decisions, she even misses you a lot and the life she had before, but, and it is a big BUT, she is not willing to let go of the past and the many wounds she believes she has, and built something new.
Maybe it is fear, maybe it is selfishness, I don't know. I what I know, learned and have been learning is that sometimes we also need to be a little more selfish and let go on this torture.
I well know it is better said then done, because it hurts. But they need to taste what they are doing, and the best way is to detach and let them walk their own path.
You are doing the best you can do and to tell the truth I always think about having someone like you to share my days. A man that stand to all these adversities, is responsible with his children, keep the money flowing no matter how depressed he is, is willing to understand and learn how to be a better person, look at himself and admit he made mistakes and is capable of changing the way he deals with the outcome in the future... is a precious person.
At some point in life we have to direct the attention to ourselves and give some more value to whom we really are and demand that respect and value in our lives.
You are in a very delicate situation because you have the kids. By one hand you could ask your W to just give you some space and live her life, what maybe would give her some taste of reality and she would need to face her own choices.
By other hand you have the kids and it's important to have the mom presence there, she is good with and for them and you would be hurting their feelings if you disrupt the little interaction they have with her.
Really hard, I feel the same way sometimes. My XH still comes to the house because the boys. I need to swallow the bull frog and let go because at least my kids have a father sometimes.
I guess the only way she will see things a little different is when you start living your own life and she will be guessing what is going on with you. Once she knows she is loosing you, then maybe she will realize that you may be gone forever from her life.
How to do it? I don't know exactly. You are a very busy dad and now you are holding the horses by yourself. Time is limited and going on dates take a lot of time and energy. Besides the fact that before you start anything comes that feeling that you do not want to do this in the first place.
Maybe RD, it is time to review the sitch in a more calculated position. What is working, what doesn't. What are the cheeseless tunnels, what can be changed, how to get some different reaction from her, etc.
Would you like to start this process with us? I know your friends in this board are all getting the big D in their faces, so we may not be the right people to advise you of what will work, but storming some thoughts may give you some direction and some new ideas to make things move forward.
I am not so bad, been worse. And I still think about visiting you. I need to be careful with money, specially now, when it is all by myself and I have to pay some big tickets at tax return time next year.
RD, sweet, sweet RD, no matter how much disillusion you may feel right now, keep in mind that you are worthy of so much more in life. You are a good man that was cough up in a life situation. You surely didn't ask for your kidney problem, your wife's menopause, all the kids issues that emerge when they are growing up, keeping the business alive and growing.
It's a lot of pressure, and it is very easy to forget some details to make that romance burn the way it was burning when everyone was young. It is that trust that kept you going. Unfortunately, we come to learn that some people, like our partners, can't endure the tough times and they give up on us, M, family.
Keep your head up RD, because no matter how much pain you have now, it will be in the past soon enough and the future is in your hands to build. Like you always say to me, life will get better and you will be happy again.
I have been dealing with my pain, disillusions and the end of my M and I found you are right, I am full of life and a capable person to transform who I am and became who I want and like to be. You are still my inspiration for some much strength and I think about you often, like making dinner, buying school supplies, cleaning the garage, doing laundry.
It's amazing that I am doing all this and thinking about someone that shares the load of the hard work so far far away like Ireland. It makes me smile, it gives me hope, it makes me feel loved and cared for.
Keep moving forward no matter what comes at you RD, you will be happy tomorrow.
Hi Pink. I did miss your post and I knew you would love Resident evil. !!!! S16 and I watch walking dead and love it !! !!!! You are the one for me and only fate kept us apart !!!!!
Thank you for the wonderful post and I really don't deserve the praise you give me. Your H is close to my EXW and we are left to pick up the pieces.
I think that it's just as well you live so far away because I would be outside your door to whisk you away if you were any closer !!!
Your H is emerging from his fog and I do believe in my heart that he will return to your life one day. You will make the choice if you let him.
I've been seeing my D's a lot more upset lately because EXW is becoming more like her old self so that's making it tougher for them to be without her
It's tough to see but nothing I can do.
Thanks again for the great post and I will check in on your thread to see how life is treating you
I did not write anything else in my thread. Have lots but did not have much time. Besides, I have been searching info about something I want to do next in my life and it is a 360 turn around for me.
I think life is calling on my bravery and adventurous spirit again and I will do some work on this to gather all info I can and then decide.
Been busy also doing a very good thing for my head. I collect most of XH's stuff from the house and he picked up some already, I am cleaning my garage (American style) and did separate a lot of H's stuff there too. Maybe a big pile and will soon ask him to pick that up too. So, getting life clean.
I still may be the one for you, we never know what future is reserving for us, soon enough our kids will be in their way to their own life and we will be like two little birds in winter.
Maybe we can live in London, there is a lot of crazies there, so we would fit in well and it is in the middle for us to visit our kids and grandkids.
Now then you two!! I'd just like to clarify that I'm not hitting on anyone, but as a soon to be divorced woman, I may start to be open to offers for a little light dating at some point...
RD, it's good to read that you are doing okay. It's easy to feel that your sitch is unique - but I think so many sitches have so much in common - but then important differences too. I agree that your sitch is one where your W has seemed pretty miserable from day one, but hasn't seemed to do much to resolve that. Although I was pleased to read about the ADs, and glad that she is there more for your kids.
Sounds like you are doing pretty well in yourself RD?? Although as always, I would love to read about a little more 'adult' GAL (no, not that sort!!)
I've appreciated your kindness and company recently RD, and want to thank you for that. At some point there will be movement in all of our sitches, and there will be some ultimate resolution. I'm learning that who I am and who I'm becoming are the most important things of all - and what H may be up to is far less important and interesting than that.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
