There is no chance of that at this point. W and kids are on holiday until the 30th of Aug. I haven't communicated with her since the 2nd of August. Does that count of going dark? I do Skype with the kids regularly. She has found out I have been communicating with an mutual close friend and was pretty mad about it. The friend contacted me. Right after that she closed off her facebook from our home email. I am afraid that she will rush ahead with mediation once she gets back and before she goes back to work the week after. She hasn't confirmed an appointment but said she was wanting to set one up. Do I have a chance of saving this?
M: 48 W: 45 Married: 16 years D1-14, D2-11, D3-9 BD: May 29 She moved out 2 weeks later with kids Awaiting mediation
General everyday disagreements usually. One a few years ago started with her telling me how to drive on a busy highway, simple things. These ended up in me withdrawing and being quiet once every 1.5 to 2 years. Last August we had a doozy and the biggest one ever by far. It was a simple misunderstanding that resulted in me saying to her " an example of how I am a low priority" she lost it on me in front of the kids and unleashed some obvious pent up frustration. We went to counseling after this since it was very important to both of us. I addressed all the issues and worked hard on our R up until the BD at the end of May. It was mostly around helping around the house, doing more with her, communicating better.
M: 48 W: 45 Married: 16 years D1-14, D2-11, D3-9 BD: May 29 She moved out 2 weeks later with kids Awaiting mediation
I just had a nice half hour Skype with my daughters. They are in Holland until the 30th. I told them that I have been working out, reading, going to church and playing golf with a mutual friend that my wife respects a lot. The going to church one will be a surprise to my wife. I think she may have been listening in the background or will be told by the girls. My wife has a respect for the church and mass but we never went too often. I genuinely wanted to go recently. Hopefully it gets back to her and she sees a positive change. I don't know...
M: 48 W: 45 Married: 16 years D1-14, D2-11, D3-9 BD: May 29 She moved out 2 weeks later with kids Awaiting mediation
"ended up in me withdrawing and being quiet once every 1.5 to 2 years."
This sounds like you're leaving something out. I don't know any couple that has that few disagreements.
"It was a simple misunderstanding that resulted in me saying to her " an example of how I am a low priority" she lost it on me in front of the kids and unleashed some obvious pent up frustration."
What do you mean by a "simple" misunderstanding. It obviously wasn't simple to her.
"It was mostly around helping around the house, doing more with her, communicating better."
Can you elaborate? What specifically were you told to work on?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
"ended up in me withdrawing and being quiet once every 1.5 to 2 years."
This sounds like you're leaving something out. I don't know any couple that has that few disagreements.
We very rarely fought, we would have simple disagreements every now and then but we either laughed them off or one of us would give in knowing the other would give in on the next one - very reciprocal. We agreed on most stuff anyways and didn't sweat the little stuff.
"It was a simple misunderstanding that resulted in me saying to her " an example of how I am a low priority" she lost it on me in front of the kids and unleashed some obvious pent up frustration."
What do you mean by a "simple" misunderstanding. It obviously wasn't simple to her.
We were at a hotel, I wanted to walk to a store with the family before it closed in 20 mins, wife and 2 daughters went upstairs me and other daughter waited downstairs. I thought they were going to join us she thought we were going on our own. I waited downstairs until the store closed then went upstairs a little disappointed and made the comment.
"It was mostly around helping around the house, doing more with her, communicating better."
Can you elaborate? What specifically were you told to work on?
The C was quite good. He met with us separately then together. He said that our issues were very simple and that we agreed on most things and were on the same plane, very well matched. He said "you are the easiest couple that I have seen in a long time" based on what we each had told him and how it all matched up. I took it very seriously. He gave us each a list of things to think about and work on. My things were to communicate better, not "sulk" but rather say "Im not happy about something, I don't want to talk about it now but how about in 2 hours we go for a walk and discuss" This type of thing rarely got to this point - again, maybe once every year to 2 years. Also, little things like working together around the house not one at a time - ie cleaning up after dinner together, making lunches together. I took on all the laundry so she could be with the girls as well. I started telling her I loved her more, she was beautiful more, I "checked in" regularly to make sure it was all going ok and if there was anything I could work on.
M: 48 W: 45 Married: 16 years D1-14, D2-11, D3-9 BD: May 29 She moved out 2 weeks later with kids Awaiting mediation
I should add that after a few months of us getting back together I started to feel that I was the only one working and changing. She had a lot of issues to deal with - her gallbladder ongoing problems and emerg surgery that left a big scar, our daughters health issues that were very concerning, concussion, infection... this all lasted from August 2014 to April 2015 - then the bomb in May. I found out she has been depressed or anxious because I found 2 different anti depress/anxiety meds prescribed from last year to as recent as July.
M: 48 W: 45 Married: 16 years D1-14, D2-11, D3-9 BD: May 29 She moved out 2 weeks later with kids Awaiting mediation
She went off basically yelling "Im tired of you saying no one appreciates you, I am busy with 3 kids, I work too (part time), I do a lot of work around the house, the world doesn't revolve around you, you have more free time than most husbands" along those lines.
M: 48 W: 45 Married: 16 years D1-14, D2-11, D3-9 BD: May 29 She moved out 2 weeks later with kids Awaiting mediation
W is out of the country with our 3 kids until Aug 30 from Aug 2. I have not contacted her at all or asked the kids about her. Would this be considered going dark? I have told the kids I am very busy going out, working out, golfing and going to church which I am sure she will be curious about.
M: 48 W: 45 Married: 16 years D1-14, D2-11, D3-9 BD: May 29 She moved out 2 weeks later with kids Awaiting mediation
