Sounds like you are doing a good job. Keep it up. When we talk about babysteps, we still mean that these need to be sustained, and not just a few instances. Those can just be testing to see that you are still where he left you. If he sees you go back to that, he'll gladly go right back to his own thing.
So, stay strong & focus on GAL.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
I would go away with him but I give in way too easily. If you do go away, would you have a good time? Or will you feel stressed and like it is too much too soon?
{ I would go away with him but I give in way too easily. If you do go away, would you have a good time? Or will you feel stressed and like it is too much too soon?}
I guess that is my concern.. I don't want it t be awkward or a setback. I’m the worrier he’s the non emotional one of course.. so to him he’s not concerned probably hasn't considered it until I mentioned it.
I know I can be casual and fun, I know not to have R talk unless initiated by him. My concern really I think is after its over. Am I going to feel like I’m back at square one? Am I going to be ok when he drops me at the door and then he leaves to go to his pace? Am I going to want more than he is going to want to give after. Will I be ok??? That is my concern, not worried about him.
Married 1991 D 23 GD 3 D 21 S 20 M 49 S 48 1st bomb 2008 2nd bomb 4/2015 same person I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.
{ I would go away with him but I give in way too easily. If you do go away, would you have a good time? Or will you feel stressed and like it is too much too soon?}
I guess that is my concern.. I don't want it t be awkward or a setback. I’m the worrier he’s the non emotional one of course.. so to him he’s not concerned probably hasn't considered it until I mentioned it.
I know I can be casual and fun, I know not to have R talk unless initiated by him. My concern really I think is after its over. Am I going to feel like I’m back at square one? Am I going to be ok when he drops me at the door and then he leaves to go to his pace? Am I going to want more than he is going to want to give after. Will I be ok??? That is my concern, not worried about him.
Lonlee if you go that's the risk you take. As far as I can see you and WH are in an open M at this stage. I know that's not what you want but that's a fact. It's ok if it suits you and is part of your 180, but if it is be aware that WH may think that by going you are saying yes to an open M. In the long run you have chosen this site because it is proM and pro monogamy, so my assumption is that you want a full on monogamous M. Your strategy may be attracting your WH into an open M, and it is attracting your WH, I think at some point You will say WH, full on monogamy now.
You are M to this man, you are his W. But he wants his cake to eat and save. This is the decision you make. I think it's higher risk for you that you will be hurt. If you go be aware that for WH it isn't commitment. Know that before making your choice.
Be clear that if you choose to go and you end up hurt then it was your own choice and you take the consequences.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 08/14/1506:06 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
He's the one that isn't in touch w/ or expresses his emotions. Trust someone who grew up male & in a family where showing emotions was discouraged, we still have them. We just repress them better. Took a lot of work to overcome that training.
On the going away w/ him, in addition to just whether it sounds like fun or not, I'd focus on how you think you will feel about it afterwards regardless of how it goes. Then decide.
If you choose to go, figure out how you are going to enjoy yourself no matter what H does. If you choose no, then we'll want to work through how you tell him in a good DB fashion.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Thank you both for something to chew on. I am still undecided at this point which way to turn. Will be deciding either way soon.
If I go I may decide to use the opportunity to discuss the OW and the open marriage concept as I hadnt really thought of it in those terms. And no ultimately that is not my goal or the message that I want to be sending. Of course I would probably wait till the end of the trip to discuss these matters as I would want to see what his agenda is and see how things go first.
Maybe it is his desire to have an opportunity to see how we interact and or maybe for him to start a dialog about us. At this time im not sure but am anxious to see what might unfold. Of course theres the possubility to that it could be a big flop as well...
Married 1991 D 23 GD 3 D 21 S 20 M 49 S 48 1st bomb 2008 2nd bomb 4/2015 same person I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.
I have searched this site all over and ive been unable to find the road map back to my spouse and a new successful relationship. Where have you hidden it? I havent found one single cheat sheet either.. where are those? I only need a couple of the answers and I know I could pass the test .. wont you help me cheat? Haha
Just my thought for the morning.. good day all
Married 1991 D 23 GD 3 D 21 S 20 M 49 S 48 1st bomb 2008 2nd bomb 4/2015 same person I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.
That was my attempt at being funny not meant for assistance.. however I will read some of the success stories as it may provide some more hope with the sit at hand . Thanks
Married 1991 D 23 GD 3 D 21 S 20 M 49 S 48 1st bomb 2008 2nd bomb 4/2015 same person I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.
