Need advice for a WW who left Part 2

[dwh15]

V, I can only name one current female fried of WW that she met on her own, and that friend is fully aware of the sitch, and has been all along. I have met her and she seems nice enough, but has a major drinking problem herself, so not sure how trustworthy her advice would be. All of her other "friends" are through current OM. The people that we both know are for the most part fully aware of her history, and not because I told them, but because either they witnessed it for themselves or she told them.

Now I did provide some details to my immediate family, but mostly about current OM. They don't know all the dirty details of all these other OM in her past, and I have no intention of revealing it. Won't help anyone, and just further degrades my W, and ruins my chance of ANY kind of R with her in the future, even a friendship. WW has had a couple of female friends really distance themselves since she actually moved out, and I believe it's because although they were aware of what was going on, they were hoping she would try to work on our M. When that didn't happen, I think they lost respect for her.

I think that part of the issue is, and I'm only speculating here, but WW likely spread all kinds of spew about how terrible her M and H were, trying to justify her actions. But then people end up meeting me and realize that none of it jives with what they've heard. They put 2 and 2 together, and lose respect for WW, and end up feeling bad for me. I know for a fact this happened in at least a couple of cases, as I actually spoke to them.

At this point, WW has surrounded herself with people in the social circle of OM. I know that some of them are aware of the sitch, but suspect a lot of them prob have no idea that she's still legally married, with kids who live with dad. If the news got out, my guess is that several of them would lose respect and distance themselves as well. WW has even basically cut contact with her own family, and rarely speaks to them. She has mentioned on multiple occasions how she feels as if she is an orphan. I really don't think there is a way to help her until she bottoms out and decides to change her life in a meaningful way.

I will likely be filing for D within a matter of weeks, assuming I don't get served first, and maybe that will be a part of the reality that knocks WW out of her fantasy. In the mean time, I'm working on being a great father, and lots of GAL.

[Vanilla]

Dwh

The reason female friends desert is because they perceive WW as a predator,, and that may put their own R at risk or that of someone they care about, brothers etc.

It's self protection.

That's the reason cf stopped having My WH in her circle, she would not take the risk on it for her female friends.

V

[dwh15]

Dwh
The reason female friends desert is because they perceive WW as a predator,, and that may put their own R at risk or that of someone they care about, brothers etc.
V

V, that makes a lot of sense, and I'll bet you're right. WW is attractive, and from what I heard last night, had become quite the flirt at a couple of local bars around town. If I were a woman with a husband/boyfriend, I certainly would not be wanting to spend time around someone like that.

[dwh15]

Really struggling today. I actually felt a little relieved last night after making up my mind about D, but today have been lonelier than ever. Maybe I'm finally accepting it. Has been 4 days with absolutely no communication from WW at all, which is probably making it hard too. I hadn't even asked her to cut back, she suddenly doesn't seem interested at all. So ready for the pain to stop and feel normal.

[Vanilla]

Dwh,

Ok, let's talk lonely and alone. Alone is being on your own, but you can be fulfilled, trust me, you can.

Lonely is the emptiness inside that we attempt to fulfil with others, stuff, and useless activity.

So let's ask the question, why are you lonely? What is missing?

And WW isn't an answer because she can't fill the space, only you can. And love, companionship isn't allowed either because that's external too.

What can you do to stop being lonely?

This could be resolved otherwise you will go around in a loop, nothing but you can fill the void for you. No R can do it other than that which you have with you.

So where does lonely come from, how old is it?

If you want say not now V.

V

[WhyUs]

Dwh,


The pain...don't we all want it to go away. I broke down and cried twice this week. 4 days is good, but your going need to do it for longer. I watched a video today that really helped me. Look at my thread and u will see about my PMA I will find the video and let u know how to watch it. It is about an hour. It is actually a sales pitch for a stopping divorce program. However, it provides a lot of great information. It turned my day around for sure.

[dwh15]

Dwh,
So where does lonely come from, how old is it?

If you want say not now V.

V

What you say makes sense V, but I can't really say where it comes from. I know I didn't feel like this at all until after BD. I was content with my life. Since then, I feel like this most of the time. I've found that praying and reading the bible helps, so been trying to spend more time with that.

[dwh15]

Dwh,


The pain...don't we all want it to go away. I broke down and cried twice this week. 4 days is good, but your going need to do it for longer. I watched a video today that really helped me. Look at my thread and u will see about my PMA I will find the video and let u know how to watch it. It is about an hour. It is actually a sales pitch for a stopping divorce program. However, it provides a lot of great information. It turned my day around for sure.

Thanks Why. I'll check out the video. Also, as a quick update, WW stopped by unannounced today. Apparently, she needed to print something out and doesn't have access to a printer. I didn't mind, but the unexpected drop-by's get annoying. She hasn't done that for a while, but I may have to say something again. It only takes 10 seconds to fire off a TM and ask if it's OK to come over. I didn't pay her much attention, but can't say that I came across as cheery and upbeat either. Probably closer to disinterested and a little cold. I just couldn't drum up a PMA, given recent info about her. She only stayed around 5 min and was out the door. Said Hi to all the kids, but didn't even make eye contact with me, other than to say why she was there.

Then, she calls around 30 min later to confirm plans with kids tonight. Happens to mention she needs to adjust the schedule because she's starting a dart league Mon nights. Somehow I came across much more upbeat on the phone, so we talked around 5 minutes and I cut off the convo. And what drives me nuts about the whole thing is that after that phone call, my whole PMA shifted and now I actually feel pretty good. It's like a drug addict getting their hit after 4 days cold turkey. It's nice not feeling like poo again, but I know it won't last and by tomor I'll be back in the same boat. Ugh.

[Joe46]

I will likely be filing for D within a matter of weeks, assuming I don't get served first, and maybe that will be a part of the reality that knocks WW out of her fantasy

To me the decision to file was because I was not willing to live in a open marriage and I had enough of the lies and cheating. I was not hoping to wake up WW. I made that decision for myself. Because I deserve better.

[barbie7]

Me filing for D and H getting served got him out of the fog temporarily but he just went right back to being wayward again..even let me cancel the divorce while he was cheating on me..luckily my lawyer had a feeling us reconciling so soon was going to end bad so he restarted the process