I guess it is fear...fear of not spending the rest of my life with her. I know that I can move forward and I can be alone, you don't get a choice life doesn't just stop. I don't NEED her, I WANT her. She enriched my life and made it that much better, not to say that I wasn't happy with my life before her.
Here are my Pros for myself 1. huge loving heart 2. trust worthy 3. would do anything for you 4.determined/self-motivated 5. loyal 6. Never gives up 7. forgives
Cons 1. Communication 2. negative/pessimistic 3. Fixer
M: 32 W: 35 M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple W "unhappy" April 2015 D first asked for mid May 2015 2nd D end of June 2015 D papers in hand, just have to sign Start of piecing 8/20/15 A confirmed 1/2/15
Not starting the day out good. Spent 3 hrs moving stuff into the garage and cleaning so the house would be ready for open house. Very emotional and hard to do this. Just kept thinking this isn't supposed to happen this way.
My sister is a paralegal and she looked over the D papers for me. She thinks my W might be trying to screw me. My wife has said everything would be 50/50, but there was a paper with a court date? We don't have a lot other than what is in the house and the house itself. She already split the accounts back in april, which she should not have done. She took the 20,000 that she put down on the house at that time. My mom thinks she is trying to get that again when the house sells. This is too much, it hurts so bad. I think it hurts because I think of her as the person I married not the monster she has become
M: 32 W: 35 M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple W "unhappy" April 2015 D first asked for mid May 2015 2nd D end of June 2015 D papers in hand, just have to sign Start of piecing 8/20/15 A confirmed 1/2/15
Detach here... look at this as a business split and protect yourself. (I would get statements from all your accounts for this past year) When I was going through all this I found out W had emptied all the accounts ... one I never knew we had ... that was not a shock as she did all the bills, I trusted her completely. I went to the bank to open my own account and asked for print outs ... the teller asked me "For all 4 accounts?" (I knew of 3) So I said sure. Turns out it was a considerable sum. Here was the thing, when we were going through mediation, I did not get nasty, but I was firm .. 50-50 was fair and I was not settling for .05% less. The fact W agreed on the separation date in Dec13 allowed me to go after ... yup ... 50% of all that money she pulled out of the accounts, and I had the statements and her siggy on the withdrawl.
Even now, in my mind this money is still owed back to me. We are working on our M , but I will never give up my account nor my money ... I will transfer my share into the account and that's that ... lesson learned.
Protect yourself, emotions or not .. its a bad business deal at this time and you have to stand up for yourself.
God Cali I don't know how you guys came out of the other side going through all that. Its crazy that I have to protect myself from her. I keep telling myself dont believe anything they say and only half of what they do. I am going to see W today and discuss this with her. If she is resistant I guess I have my answer. I guess i know why she put the separation day as 3/28 now. We were not separated then, but she separated our accounts the end of april
M: 32 W: 35 M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple W "unhappy" April 2015 D first asked for mid May 2015 2nd D end of June 2015 D papers in hand, just have to sign Start of piecing 8/20/15 A confirmed 1/2/15
I guess I will, So much for doing this amicably and fair (W's words)
M: 32 W: 35 M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple W "unhappy" April 2015 D first asked for mid May 2015 2nd D end of June 2015 D papers in hand, just have to sign Start of piecing 8/20/15 A confirmed 1/2/15
^^ X2 ... I used that exact line on W when she shared how amicably she wanted the D to play out ... ya know... after she took all the money, furniture and the car that was paid off.
PT this is where you stand up for you (Recall how W took care of you for what ... 5 years was it?) Do not doormat this part.
Cali I wish you could be there with me and give me strength to stand up. It feels so weird to say that about someone that you love so much and used to feel the same way about you
M: 32 W: 35 M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple W "unhappy" April 2015 D first asked for mid May 2015 2nd D end of June 2015 D papers in hand, just have to sign Start of piecing 8/20/15 A confirmed 1/2/15
Why can't I just keep my mouth shut? I was able to do it for the whole month of july until she told me she still wanted a divorce. We met yesterday to split things in the house. Of course after that I couldn't keep my mouth shut. She is still so angry about me not wearing my ring and not introducing her as my wife to my co-workers. No matter how I explain it to her she doesn't understand. I told her it had nothing to do with her or how I feel about her. It was about past traumas (being judged and made fun of for being gay) affecting me now. She said she wanted to feel claimed or that I was proud to have her by my side, I guess a possessiveness. I told her I felt all of those things. Our talk was calm and I felt it had sunk it with her a little bit. I don't know if I should be hopeful, probably not. She said her lease is month to month so we will see what happens
M: 32 W: 35 M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple W "unhappy" April 2015 D first asked for mid May 2015 2nd D end of June 2015 D papers in hand, just have to sign Start of piecing 8/20/15 A confirmed 1/2/15
