Nothing going on today. SD has got some new work experience with the court service and is awaiting an intake to college in September.
Got some good vibes off some workmates in a different part of the company today when I went for a visit. They said I looked 'fresh' and 'young' now I'm beardless. Well, if that doesn't make you feel good, nothing will.
W's hair looks excellent. Resisted telling her. Caught her looking at me again last night. No expectations.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Caught W giving me a once over last night. Funny, thought she didn't 'fancy'me anymore.
Today, we needed to get the kids some new shoes for school. W has dressed to the nines. She has her tightest jeans on, wearing high heels and is wearing the very expensive dress coat I bought her in January. Now, here in lies the problem. All this, coupled with the hair straightening, W knows turns me on. So, this could be one of those tricks that WAS's pull to get you to make some statement, knowing they can crush you back down and start the dance all over again. There again, it could be a signal for me to pull up and try again.
Decided to play cool and say nothing. She hasn't worn high heels, for me, for about 8 years and I always used to tell her how good she looks in them. W spent all day yesterday with her friend and their kids. W spend an hour on the phone with her sister on Wednesday night. Something is going on. I, however, have to act as if nothing is bothering me; I'm not noticing to entice her out and see what she does next.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
OK, open question for everybody. My W is very stubborn. She has real difficulty in saying 'sorry' or backing down. So, she is obviously doing everything to make her appearance 'turn me on'. So, is this a way of asking me to return? My gut says that she has to actually say something. My heart says she looks fantastic, I want her. My DB head says, it's a trick, ignore.
So, how do you get a WAS who has problems admitting errors to force them out?
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
'she is obviously doing everything to make her appearance turn me on'
Huddy, I wouldn't focus too much on what she's doing with her appearance, or presume that you are the intended focus of her efforts. I'm not saying that to be mean in any way. But I think it could be just as likely that she is trying to reclaim aspects of her former self. That is - the pre-married me, who used to straighten her hair and feel more attractive, wear heels. I want to be her again. I certainly wouldn't change your approach as a result of it.
I agree with Azzork. Why change something if it appears to be working? Believe me that so many LBS's think their WAW is so stubborn they will never turn even if they realise they want you. Truly they will and you will know for sure if that happens. I think if or when it does happen the signs are more likely to be during interactions with you. Sharing a smile, having a little joke, showing more warmth, touch gestures and so on.
So, I would shelve this thought process you are having for now. Merely observe and note things and stay on your course. Be warm and pleasant with your W as well as busy and focusing elsewhere.
Best of luck with things :-)
Last edited by Sotto; 08/15/1512:48 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
W went to her L's on Monday. I'm still awaiting the outcome of that. W has made changes to her appearance and dress style. Noticeably, these are things that my W knows 'turn me on' and I find very attractive about her. I've noticed her looking at me a few times this week.
So, what does all this add up to? There is still no warmth, sense of fun or real conversation. W has made contact with one of her female friends that suffered something similar at the start of the year and they spent all day together. I suppose the best way of putting it is that W is looking over her defences to see if it's safe to come out yet and play.
It's our anniversary on Tuesday. 15 years. We used to joke that you'd get longer for murder. I have no plans to send a card or text to W, or buy any gifts. I feel this is important, for me anyway, to show that I am detaching. It's not that I don't want to. I want to be with my wife celebrating our union, but W has to commit back to the M and I don't see that right now.
21 weeks is a long time. But, in those weeks, the 'gift' that Cadet tells us we receive from out WAS, the time we have been separated, even in the same house, I believe I have shown W how good I am as a father, a man and a husband. We're still in the same house; W has been away, but she returned. If she wanted, she could have gone and not come back. So, we're still here, and I'm still fighting for a M that I feel has worth and enjoyment still in it, but W has to see the same things.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Just a thought Sotto, my W has been married before. When she was 30, she had a mini MLC. She admitted to me when we first got together, she had a hard time. She was unhappy with her then H, so left. She went that day and never went back, so I suppose, I'm winning at the moment!
She told me as she approached 31, she got better and felt OK again. She didn't want to return to XH, and he did the pursuing thing; in fact, he was still going for her when we got together, three and a bit years later. In order to warn him off, she put on a lot of weight, at the start, to dissuade him, only losing it about a year before we got together. So, I suppose I'm winning again, as she has lost weight and is now wearing things/doing things that she knows make me feel highly attracted to her.
Just thinking things through!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Interesting Huddy - I guess I was just trying to put forward the view that this may be more about her than it is about you and your M. You seem to be trying to offer an argument that it is more about you. But I think it is best to presume nothing at all. It is possible that it may be about you, and possible that it isn't.
I guess it doesn't really matter, because if she is changing her mind about the M, she will tell you at some point for sure! I would keep on as you are until or unless that happens my friend.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
