I can't help but think during this that it's all my fault. My logic says no its not all your fault but my mind is an a-hole. Saying things like " what makes you think anyone would want you much less your wife who knows you better than anyone". Just being pessimistic which is the norm these days.
What you're feeling is perfectly normal. Remember, you own 50% of the blame for the M having issues. But your W owns 100% of the blame for having the A. There is NEVER a valid excuse for someone stepping out on a M. You need to examine yourself and realize whatever issues you have that contributed to the problems. And then work on fixing those. But your W also contributed, plus she made everything 10x worse by having an A.
Low self esteem is a huge issue when going through this process. All I can tell you is that there ARE women who will find you attractive, especially once you gain back some self confidence and be a proud man. I was feeling the same as you, but have found that whenever I am in public, just acting confident and smiling, sometimes striking up a conversation, can do wonders. I've even had some cute women flirting a little bit. It's perception; you need to perceive yourself as worthy and strong, then others will see you that way too. I know it's difficult but just go through the motions for now; fake it til ya make it. You WILL come out of this OK.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
Ok made it through the day without talking to the w. That's a big deal for me. It has been tough but I did it. Thanks to all of you I'm gaining a bit of my dignity back. I thank God for you all, and pray diligently that God's will be done for all of us. People are imperfect and at the end of the day we can't rely on some other person to be in control of our happiness. I'm still a long way from being ok with this but for right now. I'm ok. The morning will bring a new day and new challenges.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
My wife has not had an A as far as I know. I hope I didn't post that she has. She said when wants a divorce because I'm not the father or husband I should have been. Anything is possible and it wouldn't supreme me, but I don't think she has been unfaithful.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
Ok made it through the day without talking to the w. That's a big deal for me. It has been tough but I did it. Thanks to all of you I'm gaining a bit of my dignity back. I thank God for you all, and pray diligently that God's will be done for all of us. People are imperfect and at the end of the day we can't rely on some other person to be in control of our happiness. I'm still a long way from being ok with this but for right now. I'm ok. The morning will bring a new day and new challenges.
Good job tk, one day at a time my friend. Every day brings new challenges and new possibilities. Just keep doing your best to follow DB despite the pain you're going through.
We're all in this with you so if you're struggling, come on here and let us know about it.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Ok I'm not sure if w is moving out or not. I know she doesn't want to live with her mother an she is worried abouts where the kids will be. Her mother only lives a few miles from our house so I told her the kids can stay where they want to. I'm not sure how this will effect me. I'm sure it will be had for me to live in our home alone with all the pictures and things that remind me of our family. I do no that it will be easier to detach if I don't have to see her everyday.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
Why do you say to start with chapter 10. My wife is not having an A as far as I know. I'm pretty convinced that she is not based on many things. Just wondering why u would want me to start there.
Two reasons. The newly LBH is in such a hurry to get the formula to fix this problem that many guys never read through the entire book. Chapter ten, IMHO, is where she begins to zoom in on more specified problems, whether your W is in an A , or not. It's just a suggestion. I wasn't implying you not read the whole book.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Gotcha. Thanks again. In this day and age it's encouraging that there are people like you who are out there to help People when they need it most. No matter what happens in my life I have been humbled to the extreme. You all are great people and myself and so many others are blessed to have you all.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
My w and kids went to church this morning without any trouble. W and I did not have much interaction. I have been using what I've learned here and not being drawn into any conflict. The ride home was quite until my S7 said "I have praying to God and it is working because you and dad haven't had an argument in days". W and I were acknowledged him and nothing more was said.
From the mouths of babes.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
