have i been making mistakes too long

[tkdmme]

The last time we spoke about the marriage was on Monday. she continually sais that she is waiting to see if she begins to feel differently about me over the next few months. I see this as a good thing if I can stick to the plan. The rest of the week has been uneventful. I went with my boss to have dinner on Tuesday night, Went out with some friends Wednesday night., and stayed home last night watched a movie with the kids and went to bed.

As long as I don't bring anything up she acts as if nothing is going on. Don't get me wrong, she still has very little to say to me other than stuff about the kids or general family stuff.

She has some family in town staying at her mothers this week and they are planning to have us over for dinner at some point. Her mother and Brother both live within five miles of us so they are very aware of what's going on. However the family that is visiting doesn't know about our problems. I not sure if I need to go to this dinner or not. As I said earlier as long as nobody brings up the topic of out marriage everything seems fine.

Her Brother is a doctor and faithful Christian and she works for him. He has been very diligent in trying to keep her from going through with this. He does not agree with divorce and will do anything to prevent it. I know she feels a lot of pressure from him and her mother to stay in the M. There is nothing I can do about that. I have asked them not to pressure her but they tell me that they are not going to let her make this mistake. I think this may be making my sitch worse.

I really worry when each weekend approaches and we will together for most of it. This is where I always screw up my plan.

[tkdmme]

so I got off work early, picked up the kids and went to pick up some things at the store. I don't know why but I got emotional in the store and the kids saw me. Im having a hard time being around them and keeping my emotions in check. All I think of is how I have failed them and how they are going to suffer if she goes through with a divorce. I apologized to them and told them that everything was going to be fine and that I was just having a tough day.

God, I feel like such a child that I cant keep from letting my worrying getting me emotional.

Also my D12 said that we were having dinner at my W brothers tonight. I knew that this was the plan because my MIL told me. but my w never invited me. Im not sure what to do. if I don't go everyone there will be wondering why and if I do go my W will feel awkward. Please I need some advise.

[HurtHus]

I made a huge mistake when my W suggested a D. I broke down and when S7 asked what was wrong I told him that mommy and daddy might not be living in the same house anymore. God talk about feeling like total [censored] and a failure. Worst day ever. Don't beat yourself up. What you are feeling is normal. If you try to squash it you will just have a bigger eruption.

[tkdmme]

any advise on the dinner tonight?

[HurtHus]

I got nothing on that. I'm at the same point pretty much as you are other than my W hasn't moved out. She has suggested stuff like that, but never made any attempt to make it a reality.

If you were invited by MIL and your daughter said something, maybe just ask your W if she has any objection to you coming since you had been invited by her family. It could be a chance to show that you are validating her feelings and respecting her. Or it could show weakness. I don't know. Maybe one of the vets can chime in.

[tkdmme]

my wife is still in the house but in the spare bed room. im kind of undecided on whether to go or not. At this point im trying to stay away from her as much as possible and GAL.

I have always had many friends and I was the life of the party. I played piano at parties and night clubs my whole adult life. Where did all the friends go. Before this our house was the place that every one hung out. No one even calls me now. Im pretty sure its because im not much fun to be around right now.

[dwh15]

Just got caught up on your sitch, TKDm. So sorry about what you're going through. I'm in a similar boat, except my WW moved out to be with OM. Left me at home with all 4 kids. It's been 5 months and I still struggle daily. Not nearly as bad as that first few weeks, but she's on my mind a LOT. I am gradually starting to back away from her, but I think it just takes a long time (several months) to try and adjust to this. And I'm not sure I could have ever started detaching with my W living in the same house.

For the first few weeks, she wanted us to be BFFs and I played along for a while. Daily texting, regular calls, even family events with the kids every couple of weeks. But I finally realized it was keeping me stuck, unable to move on, and it was giving WW everything she wanted. No consequences at all; she gets to sleep with OM, while having me give her the emotional and financial stability of still being in a M. I finally got the courage to cut it all off. It was pretty dramatic, but since then has settled down. And, as could probably be expected, WW lost almost all interest in wanting to communicate at all once she couldn't get her way.

It's been VERY difficult going days on end with basically NC, but I am starting to adjust and do more GAL. I feel your pain. No doubt this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. But I take comfort in knowing others have been there and made it out the other side. Regarding the dinner, it's your call, but I would suggest that you don't accept every invitation involving your W and her family. Maybe once in a while, it's fine, but the rest of the time, I would try to come up with other plans be be busy during that time. I'm sure her family will understand, and your W will probably be relieved. You don't want to put continuous pressure on her by being around all the time. I know it will be hard, and you want to be there, but IMO, it's not helping. Your W needs some time away from you to sort out her feelings. Hang in there brother. I'll be following for updates.

[tkdmme]

dwh,

Thank you. Wow im sorry for your situation too. It is hard to detach from someone under the same roof.
My W is a good person but I think she is experiencing some MLC. She has not had an A but im sure she has thought about it. She is under a lot of pressure from her family and me. So I think I will set this dinner out. I just bought the DR book so it will give me some time to be alone to read.

I hope things turn out well for you and your family. I pray every night for this to end but the hits keep coming. I know we can get through this its just maddening.

thanks again.

[tkdmme]

Just bought the DR book. I know I have to read it all but just skimming through before w got home. Feel like I got a plan already

[tkdmme]

So dinner at brother in laws house is going we'll so far.