I don't believe she has OM. She started menopause in May 2014 and at first she was wanting to ML every minute that she saw me. Then, to help her periods, she had some medication. She turned a bit weird and didn't show any affection for a couple of weeks. W also got moody, so I threw the meds away. Within a couple of weeks, she was back to her old self.
In September, W had a coil fitted. This basically controls periods until the menopause is over. It also gives her a shot of HRT in it as well (don't ask me....). W became a bit less affectionate in March, about three weeks prior to BD.
My SD overheard her talking to her mother, exclaiming that now she was 50, she thought she had missed out on stuff etc. and wanted to do things on her own with the kids. Then followed the don't fancy/love/feel attracted to you etc. spew and, well, you know the rest.
So, this has been going on now for 19 weeks, and I apart from some small improvements, W seems determined to go. To what, I'm not sure, but as you will find in my threads, I have discussed how W will have difficulty getting housing etc. as well as having no real income.
Yes, it's hard. There have been times I just want to tell her to 'go away'; in fact I have done so, but, being a WAS, she knows that I don't want her to go, so she keeps going. The house is up for sale and that is when make your mind up time will kick in. I have investigated properties etc. and I know I'll be OK.
At the moment W has stopped mentioning running back to her parents and the traffic from SIL/MIL has gone down markedly. The most annoying aspect now is that I don't really know what W has told her family, but I guarantee it'll be tosh.
Where do we go from here? Well, if we split, then so be it. I am lighter, healthier and in a much better frame of mind than in April, so my confidence is really starting to come back. I don't really communicate with W unless she brings up communication or if it's about the kids; a kind of in-house dark I suppose. The kids don't know what's going on either, but W doesn't seem to mind.
My workmates tell me I'm a saint and that I have balls of steel to cope, but that's what you do for love right? You don't give up at the first bump in the road, you keep trying. W won't talk about the problem, so that's it really.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
thanks for recapping Huddy . Balls of steel alright. I take my hat off to ya mate. I think the "not knowing" part was one of the hardest for me. "Why is she doing this?". But then knowing and having it shoved down your throat aint much fun either.
hey, your summary makes it sound like clear cut MLC.she even said exactly that (SD conversation). She really needs to be pushed to IC by a friend. I know she is turning to those who support this WAW behaviour and thats a big shame. It is a pity she isn't in full time work. In most cases the employer would do this pushing maybe. Simply from a "help you with the stress perspective." Getting her talking to someone sane would be a great first step.
can we trick her into talking to someone? on her own, not MC. even her L? Although this would be strictly seen as desperate pursual in DB terms, but I think commandment #1 over rules this on this occasion - do what works! He might be a lawyer/scumbag but really he is a person and you are not trying to sway anything legally, better talk to your L first. what about ANY of her friends? Is it inconceivable that you talk to MIL, SIL. We dont want this to be interpreted poorly by your W and set you back
i am just frustrated reading "pt 10" and still you are nowhere really. this may just be the long haul as Cadet would surely attest to. it is such a shame, for all of us really, that this relatively short period of insanity breaks such havoc. of course every time I think this I have to remind myself that this may not be short term insanity at all. in fact in my case I dont believe it is.
"thats what love is right?"- I thought so mate. actually I still do, 100%. the cold hard reality is that my W clearly didn't love me.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
L is a bloodsucker who is on Legal Aid. Not in her interest to get W to go to MC. We had one session together and W hated every minute of it. SIL/MIL have their own agendas, so no help there either. On my own really. As I say, the crunch will come when the house is sold and then if she goes, then I can think to myself that I did the best I could to save the M.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Hi Huddy, sometimes I wish that H was going through a MLC so I know where his behaviour is coming from. How can we know and be sure this is the case?
H has talked about 'finding himself, being on his own too feet, someone new for us in the second half of our lives' is this MLC?
He has been texting OWs for a while now so a WS with MLC. I really don't know which is easier to deal with and turn around. WAS? Or WS? Or MLC?
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
It's difficult to tell. At the start, I challenged her about MLC, but, of course, W denied this was happening. I asked about OM, but to be honest, W doesn't really have that many opportunities to be out with anyone and she no longer has her phone as an extension of her body. It is in plain sight and yesterday was open on the kitchen side and left there all the time I was home.
So, two scenarios; one - she really has just decided she no longer wants me and she's done or, two - MLC and I don't know how it'll end.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Huddy, you might be interested to have a look at Ha Who's posts on the MLC part of the forum. She's younger than your W, but she went through a phase of pretty much hating her H and believes his own MLC has followed on from this. There was no OP in her sitch and her H stood by her - though he felt pretty unloved during the whole period..
Her sitch just popped into my head when reading your post above.
Last edited by Toots; 08/07/1512:50 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
W's car in for a service today. Tears last night that she didn't know what to do, so, against my better mindset, I agreed to take it. My reward? Well, I lent over to close the curtains, as the sun was streaming on to the new setee, over her face. I got 'I can do that', to which I replied 'it's OK, I'm here anyway', followed by 'don't I know it' from W. I snapped back 'you won't have to put up with it for long' to which W replied 'hopefully'. Decided to have a STFU smoothy and walk away. No thanks, nothing. Shouldn't have expected anything else really and I had planned to get her do it on her own, but my 'nice guy' side kicked in. What a dummy!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
W been to work today. Took kids to a local gala. They had fun, but my D got stroppy towards the end and had a hissy fit on the way home (well, she is only 5). Unfortunately, this coincided with W returning. Start of the blame game. 'What have you done', 'why is Tesco sat outside. I bet you got the time wrong'. Get the picture? So, W didn't want to hear my answers (D got stroppy because we had to come home; Tesco are early with the groceries - I've already spoken to the guy) so had a gulp on that STFU smoothy and hung the washing out instead!
I wish I could break her out of this. Last night, we were watching a soap opera called 'Emmerdale'. One of the main characters was being killed off and she appeared as a 'ghost' to talk to her grieving husband. At one point, he looks at his 'wife' and says 'is this it then', as she was about to go. That's when I caught my W looking at me and gulping, with really sad eyes. I could tell she was trying to think of us (OK, mindreading), but why doesn't she just crack.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
. Balls of steel alright. I take my hat off to ya mate. I think the "not knowing" part was one of the hardest for me. "Why is she doing this?". But then knowing and having it shoved down your throat aint much fun either.