Thanks guys. Today was horrible. Horrible. I feel like I'm going to just break down and lose it any minute. No contact from the W. She didn't say anything about receiving the note. I wasn't expecting it to make her turn around and you guys prepared me for not hearing anything about it, it still kills me though. Went out to dinner with some buddies and didn't enjoy myself for a second. Just kept thinking about this and what I've done to get things here. Begley, you're right. Things have just kept swirling and swirling around my head and it builds and gets worse. I keep thinking about how things are going to be when I get home, how disconnected this woman I love is going to be and how terrible everything is going to be. I've been trying so hard to be positive but it's just getting harder and harder. For the first time since this all started i feel truly hopeless.
Question in regards to gifts on anniversaries and such. The anniversary of the day we first met is on the 15th. Am I to not send W a card or message or anything just to let her know I'm thinking about her? I'm going pretty dark atm and she's basically done the same. Haven't really had a conversation since Tuesday. Just a message or two from then until now. i never made a huge deal out of anniversaries, valentines day (why would she wanna leave a guy like that, right?). But I did go pretty hard for her on Birthdays and christmas. Just wondering if I should send her something or let it pass and have her think I'm either forgetful, being a jerk, or completely ignoring her? Still getting used to this and DR/DB won't be here for a month.
Thanks guys. Today was horrible. Horrible. I feel like I'm going to just break down and lose it any minute. No contact from the W. She didn't say anything about receiving the note. I wasn't expecting it to make her turn around and you guys prepared me for not hearing anything about it, it still kills me though.
It [censored] but at least you were prepared.
Originally Posted By: raws
Went out to dinner with some buddies and didn't enjoy myself for a second. Just kept thinking about this and what I've done to get things here.
This is tough, but you can't spend your life dwelling on the past. What's done is done. Learn from it and move forward, right? That's all we can do. Don't let the last five years ruin your next five!
Originally Posted By: raws
Begley, you're right. Things have just kept swirling and swirling around my head and it builds and gets worse. I keep thinking about how things are going to be when I get home, how disconnected this woman I love is going to be and how terrible everything is going to be. I've been trying so hard to be positive but it's just getting harder and harder. For the first time since this all started i feel truly hopeless.
Fake it until you make it, raws. The happier you act, the happier you'll BE. You don't need your W to make you happy. You can be plenty happy all by yourself! I highly recommend a TED talk by ... Take the challenge, raws - I'll bet you can find 63 things to be happy about that don't include your W!
Last edited by Cristy; 08/10/1508:09 PM. Reason: per forum agreement, do not mention other authors, presenters or titles
Hi Raws, sorry things are tough right now. Azzork has given you some good advice. Particularly in the early days, our situation can be overwhelming and all-consuming. The best thing to do is seek out activities that will give you some respite from thinking about everything - dwelling on the past, worrying about the future.
Staying in the moment can help. It may not come easily, but if you gently persist it will. Walking helped me, and meditation (try out the Headspace app - there's a free trial.) Reading self-help books and doing furniture restoration. Going to yoga class, being with friends.
It is lovely that you have buddies to go out to dinner with. In time, you'll be able to enjoy their company without spending so much time thinking about your sitch. It feels like that will never happen, but it will.
So try and really start to notice those things that help now, and mean that you don't think about your sitch for 5/10/15 minutes. Gravitate towards those things and do more of them, and enjoy the respite. Look after yourself. I came to realise that devoting so much of my headspace to my sitch was truly a waste of energy. That doesn't happen overnight, but I'm sure you'll get there too. Take care x
Last edited by Toots; 08/09/1507:36 AM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks, Azzork. You're absolutely right. That being said, it's super difficult and still not coming together for me. Especially now, with zero contact form the W. I'll look for a message, knowing its not there. I'm really having to fight sending her a message just to try and start a conversation, but I know thats not what i should do.I'll check out that ted talk for sure. Thanks, again..
Overwhelming and all consuming. Yeah, Toots, that's it. I'm lucky to have a good crew of guys out here who won't let me sit in my room and dwell for too long. I just got a good workout in with my buddy and feel a little calmer. The gym helps me out a little bit, definitely more than sitting around. It just seems like even when I do get busy and try to distract myself, once the activity ends its back to reality. Hard. Even when I'm lifting I'm so deep in my thoughts its like I'm not even there. I feel terrible for my friends because I'm sure I'm not much fun to be around atm. They're great though. I'm lucky to have them. They've noticed my changes and have made a few comments about how I'm not the same person that left for this deployment, which I couldn't agree with more. Especially since I've cut the booze. I look at the person I was a few months ago and it makes me sick. I can't believe how far I let myself go. I totally lost myself and the person I want to be. That was the person that pushed my wife away and broke her heart until she could no longer love me. Maybe one day she'll see the change too. Maybe it's too late. Either way I've gotta keep going.
Sorry for the long post, I guess I just needed to get some stuff out. I'm sure i broke some of the 37 rules too. I'm still working on getting those in my head and read the post everyday.
Thanks again to all of you for being here for me through this. I appreciate it more than anything.
Raws - NOT A SINGLE PERSON here was fully detached right away. Take it second by second, then minute by minute, then 15 minutes by 15 minutes, then hour by hour and so on. It gets easier.
The more you don't think about her, the more you WONT think about her.
