Thank you for the encouragement and im glad you are feeling better. That gives me hope that I too can eventually get better.
Why do you think my W seems uncertain? She tells me that she still wants the D and that she has made up her mind. She doesn't have the money to get a lawyer and her family is trying to convince her that the D is not a good idea. Also, although ive been home for about five years, I sometimes travel for work. I will be out of town 4 days a week starting in December. I think she wants to see what happens then. She does say that she cares about me and that she hates to do this to me but still doesn't want to work it out.
Anyway, I hope there is still a chance of reconciliation. I cant seem to stay consistent. I try to detach and I can do it for a while then for some reason I try to talk to her again. We are in the same house so its difficult.
Ive been trying to GAL but I always wonder what she is doing or who she is talking to. It just seems hopeless.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
She does say that she cares about me and that she hates to do this to me but still doesn't want to work it out.
I heard this in one of the few counseling sessions with my W (not an MC, major mistake). She said she loves me and always will, I am her best friend and the most reliable support she has, I am a great father and husband, but (you knew there was a but in there) she didn't know if she even wanted to have a future with me as my wife.
I see now that I should have run my dumb ass here right then and there and instead made every rookie mistake possibly driving her more and more to the A. In any event it does not matter if she is or isn't having one. You need to focus on you. The rest will play out however it will. You can't control it.
M: 36 yo W: 36 yo S: 7 D: 4 M: 13 yrs BD: 6/14 (??) PE Confirmed 7/15 (4 months) The road to recovery starts now
Remember Sandi's rule #32.... Don't believe anything they say and 50% of what they do. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared.
They all say that kind of stuff. There are people who where on the brink of D that reconciled. Your W has not filed or moved out yet, right? My H has threatened to move out and D as well. Still here and has not filed. I realize this can change any day.
You need to find a way to GAL and focus on you. This below will not reattract your W:
I don't want to see any friends. I don't enjoy anything that used to make me happy.
She needs to feel you are moving forward with your life. Become a man only a fool W would leave. You might need to fake it at first, but you need to show PMA anytime you are around her.
Last edited by BT13; 08/06/1508:15 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
I was reading on of sandi2's articles about the difference between WW who is having an affair and one who isn't. She mentioned that the approach should be different. Can anyone help me with this. My wife is not having an affair. I know this because she works for her brother and he is against the divorce, She comes straight home after work, and my gut is telling me that she is being faithful. Is the approach to this situation the same as the approach to someone who is having an A.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
I was reading on of sandi2's articles about the difference between WW who is having an affair and one who isn't. She mentioned that the approach should be different. Can anyone help me with this. My wife is not having an affair. I know this because she works for her brother and he is against the divorce, She comes straight home after work, and my gut is telling me that she is being faithful. Is the approach to this situation the same as the approach to someone who is having an A.
I am not sure what Sandi has in mind for the approach being different. IMHO it is the same, my wife never had an affair either except for maybe a fantasy affair in her head. Their is no way you are going to know about that either since you are not inside her head.
My opinion is that once she decides to leave the marriage it is still infidelity even if their is no affair partner.
From what I read in Sandi's post the WaW is basic DBing, but the WW needs a little more tough love. The hard part is trying to figure where we are at any given point. Are we dealing with a WaW or a WW, is it due to an MLC or because we have missed the road signs and failed to course correct. I guess that's why we try an approach and review the results and adjust accordingly. It is going to be different for each of us. That's one of the worst things. What works for one might backfire for another. We just need to try it out and see. At least that's what it seems like to me so far.
M: 36 yo W: 36 yo S: 7 D: 4 M: 13 yrs BD: 6/14 (??) PE Confirmed 7/15 (4 months) The road to recovery starts now
