have i been making mistakes too long

[tkdmme]

I know all of you are right but it seems impossible. I keep reading the same this over and over. Searching the Internet for someway to fix this. I just can't believe it's happening to us. I never imagined I would be in the situation.

[tkdmme]

I want to call her but I know I cant. I'm sick and feel like dying.

[tkdmme]

Everything I think I got a handle on this, reality sets in and I'm back where I started.

[NH115]

It took me a good 4 months to really start coming out of it....to start feeling I had control over my life regardless of the outcome of my sitch. I just had to feel what I was feeling and slog through it. The antidepressants helped take the edge off, but what really got me to start climbing out of the hole was what you're doing right now...posting here and talking through this with others. I can't tell you enough how effective that therapy was for me.

My W is arguably in a better place than she was a few months ago, but we are far from out of the woods. Now I'm the one wondering if we're too broken to continue. She'll still have occasional meltdowns, but I'm amazed at how much they don't affect me any more. Hang in there

[tkdmme]

Do you and your wife still live together?

[HurtHus]

TK, hang in there. I know it doesn't change things, but you aren't alone in this nightmare. Others are going through similar situations. It's so great to hear that there is a time when I might feel better. I have joked that I have too many mood swings to be bipolar, but that's the closest I can describe life as right now. I'm hopeful one minute, terrified the next, furious the next, devastated, numb, and back to hopeful. And this can happen several times a day.

My W and I still live in the same house. I agreed to a trial separation and when I had the kids out of the house for a week she had the OM come to my house. I work from home. It seems like everywhere I look I can imagine them together. There are days I think it would be therapeutic if I lit our bed on fire.

I confirmed that my wife had an affair and believe it to be over and it seems as though we are in the "piecing it back together" phase, but I don't even know if we are or not and the approach seems so foreign to me. It is confusing. I don't know if I should do the nice things for her that I have always done, let her initiate everything and then engage or detach. It feels like I am the one going crazy and acting wildly out of control even though I am focused on trying to come out the other side of this mess a better person.

[tkdmme]

Did any of you have suicidal thoughts? Im not going to kill myself but I cant deny that the thought hasn't crossed my mind. Am I posting to often? GOD I cant stop thinking about her!! She says its all my fault and the guilt is relentless. I keep thinking of every time I made her mad or didn't react to her in the right way.
I have been reading about MLC. Even if this is the case she would never admit it. I have been trying like a mad man to figure out the exact problem. She seems to have the symptoms of MLC or pre-menopause. She is not the same person. She doesn't remember any of the good times that we shared. Only the bad ones.

I love this woman with all my heart and she is a good person and mother. I cant for the life of me figure this out. I want to fix it somehow nut I know I cant.

I feel like a little girl crying all the time and reaching out to anyone who will listen for help. I know this is normal but this cant last much longer.

[HurtHus]

I won't say I had suicidal thoughts, but the though has crossed my mind that everyone would be better off if I didn't wake up. It [censored]. Don't let yourself think that way.

You are not guiltless, but the blame is not all yours.

My W seems to be going through an MLC also based on everything I've read here. It seems like a massive monkey wrench in the DBing process even though she has said she wants to work things out I don't know if she really means it or even realizes what kind of work it is going to take and if she is willing to put that work into us.

My W can still talk about the good times at least, but I swear the recent history has been nothing but negative and every word that comes out of my mouth means the worst possible thing it could be construed as no matter how I say it or what I mean by it. It's as if she sees me not as the person with good intent that I have always been, but a mean spirited jackass.

I can empathize with the desire to figure out what is at the root of the problem. I solve problems for a living. I take a complex set of variables and find a solution from a complex set of viable solutions. It is maddening to have this problem in front of me and know that even if I could figure what the hell is wrong there is NOTHING I can do to fix it.

I know what you mean about loving her with all of your heart and knowing what kind of person she was and not being able to reconcile that with what you are seeing and feeling today. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. We can get through this though.

Post away. Post as often as you need to. Are you seeing a therapist too?

I'm finding that each day I decide to push forward is another day I manage to handle things. Minute by minute, day by day. Don't look to the future. All we will see is unending misery because that's all we know right now. Just take it a day at a time. From the timeline and your ages we are pretty similar. I'm 36, W is 36, S 7, D 4. If I had been more aware I'd say the bad news probably came about this time last year, but we were still having way more good times than bad, but the big bomb (the A) was dropped on me in July and the not attracted to you convo was back in April.

Find an outlet. I built a deck, found a new job, am getting back to the gym more, have reconnected with old friends and my family. It isn't easy, but we can make it through.

[tkdmme]

hurthus,

I don't think my wife Is cheating. I cant imagine how much worse that would make me feel if she was. I understand wanting to burn your bed. You are much stronger than I. I guess its a nightmare either way.

[V2pt0]

Hello TKDMME,

I am just catching up to sitch. Limbo land stinks, but the good news is your W still seems uncertain, so you have been given gift of time to work on yourself. Even though your BD happened a while ago, you have only been DBing for a month. I have been on here 4 months and it was only about a month ago that I really got a grip on my emotions. Still have days here and there that are bad, but much, much less frequent than at the beginning. It will get better. GAL and detaching helps with that tons. Not only does it take your mind off W/M, it is a self esteem booster as well.

If you are having those kinds of thoughts, there is no shame in going to doctor and talking to them about antidepressants. I know many on here did that. IC can help as well. I almost opted for drugs, but GAL, exercise, and IC eventually helped me with my depression and mood.

You can do it!!