A new thread for Eye-Tie

[EyeTie]

Since my last thread was getting a bit long, Cadet asked me to start a new one. You can read up on my situation here.

In my last post, I mentioned that my WW has been contacting me more and more lately. It started with an app called "Timehop", that sends you pictures from 1-? years ago depending on how long you have been on Social Media. So it was usually pictures of us or the kids from 4-5 years ago. It was honestly a decent ice breaker if it was for the kids and would evolve into a conversation. I usually tried to be the first one to stop responding.

We barely saw one another, it would go a few weeks in fact since we now do the "kid swap" at daycare. One of us would drop them off in the morning, the other would pick them up. But recently, we have been seeing one another more and more. We went out to dinner on my Birthday, went to lunch a few days before that. I have had to stop by her house a handful of times for whatever reason and she has done the same. Every single time I avoid any relationship questions or ask who she is dating and generally she does the same.

Sunday we took the kids to see The Minions, we all had fun, I wrote about it in my previous thread. She brought up how she failed the marriage, our family, me and everyone. I didn't really respond. I have been GALing, giving her space and really enjoying life. It took me almost 7 months to get here, but it's been fun for the last few months.

Now, last night my parents neighbors were having a going away party. We have been friends with this family for several years, their kids are the same age as mine and I wanted to take my kids too. My wife hasn't seen my folks in months, but asked if she could go too. I didn't see why not, we spent the majority of the party talking to each other. I applied several techniques that I have learned over the last few months. Not interrupting her, looking her in the eye as she talks, etc. For a few hours it was like that. At the end of the party, I walked with her to her car to help load the kids in. She waited by her car door as I buckled my beautiful children into their car seats. I walked around and she put her arms out for a hug and just held me for a few minutes.

I know at the party other people commented on my appearance and how great it was to see me looking so healthy. Several of these people saw me while I was undergoing treatment for cancer and frankly, I looked like death. I think that kind of freaked her out a little, because these people noticed it and she didn't.

There is a possibility of us getting back together I think. I am not really hopeful, she would have to prove it to me that is something she really wants. And once again, I am not sure if it's something I really want at this point in my life.

I have been dating casually, there is one girl that I do spend a lot of time with. She is completely different than my W. We have a lot of fun together and her family has met my family. We don't usually hang out with my kids much (her kids are much older) and when we do there is little physical contact between us. I really am appreciative of the advice I have received here and look forward to my continued efforts on these boards.

[EyeTie]

Figured I would drop in and give yet another update.

The WW left this morning to go to Las Vegas. I didn't ask with who, nor do I really care. It's great though because that means I have my 2 kids by myself for the next few days. I have so much planned and am really excited about it. Yesterday, I had to swing by her house to get "our" dog (she took him when she moved out) because I am going to watch him while she is gone (I missed the little guy). When I got there the first thing she said was "Wow, you look great...You always look great lately" so that was a feather in my cap. I know her flight left at 7 or so this morning and she text 3 times before she even left town, asking me to give the kids hugs and what not. Anyway, it is what it is. I am going to run and pick up the munchkins and take them to Dave & Buster's for dinner.

[EyeTie]

The WW got back from her trip yesterday, met up with her to give her the dog back. In the process I was telling her that the kids got a slight sunburn, my son on his back and my daughter on her butt (from her swim suit riding up). The WW interrupted me both times saying that she had a worse one from the trip. I looked her in the face and said "I don't care about your sunburn or your trip, I am letting you know about the kids." Which turned the fury on with her, she grabbed the dog and stormed away.

Today we got into another fight about the divorce. She refuses to attend/schedule any additional divorce mediation sessions, her excuse is that she wants the house to sell first. The house isn't even on the market because I am the only one doing any work on it. My time is stretched tight enough, so it's a slow process. Anyone have any ideas why she would want to wait? I think I should schedule an appointment with a lawyer, but crap, I am so tight on money I don't even know if I could afford one if I had to.

The absolutely worse part about this, is that I still find myself making excuses for her.

[EyeTie]

I took off to Chicago for work on Friday and came back late last night. It was good to get away for a few days and not have to deal with "life" in my city. While I was gone the WW took the dog and sent updates throughout the weekend. I am at a little over 5 months on this separation (leading to divorce) and I kept thinking "Wow, WW would LOVE this restaurant!" or "Holy crap, the Blue Man Group was awesome! I want to take the WW and the kids here!"

I went a while without even thinking about her, focusing on the future, making changes, GALing, but over the last 2-3 weeks she has been on my mind more and more. I don't know if I am just in a panic because everything is finally coming to a head and I am afraid of the change or if it's because I really do miss her (I know I miss her friendship, but not so much our relationship). Either way, I just wanted to vent a little.

[EyeTie]

Well, 2 steps forward, 1 step back.

The WW and I have been getting along really well lately. We text/talk almost every single day. Laugh, catch up on life and keep it fairly light about our personal lives. A couple nights ago was my daughters first dance class. I was excited, I mean, what is cuter than 3 year old girls trying to dance. My WW spearheaded the process of finding the school, which was good. It was her day with the kids, but I met them up there. I got in after she did and there wasn't really a spot for me next to the WW and son. So I let them know I was there and that I was going to find another place to sit down. Not even a minute later she text me (as I was looking for a new spot) saying "I would really like it if you sat by us, S7 can sit on my lap" so I went back over there. We ended up going out to Dairy Queen afterwards as a family and had a great time. A few times she was looking at her phone, texting or emailing so I would do the same thing. We ended with hugs for everyone.

Yesterday I picked the kids up from daycare and the daycare lady said "Oh Eye-Tie, I don't know how you do it. She came here this morning and ran you up and down the flag pole, saying that you told her that you will never take your daughter to dance classes nor will you have anything to do with it. Your kids both said you were there and that you took everyone out for ice cream. She is really a B!tch, isn't she?"

I just sighed, agreed and walked away to join my children in the hallway.

It's almost like she knows I am a good person. She knows my attitude has changed. She knows that I am not the same person I was a year ago (much like she isn't). Yet anytime she can, she tries to cut me off at the knees, almost like she is validating her decision to leave. Much like she says occasionally "we are NEVER getting back together" when we get into a fight, even if it's not the topic at hand.

[Zephyr]

It's almost like she knows I am a good person. She knows my attitude has changed. She knows that I am not the same person I was a year ago (much like she isn't). Yet anytime she can, she tries to cut me off at the knees, almost like she is validating her decision to leave. Much like she says occasionally "we are NEVER getting back together" when we get into a fight, even if it's not the topic at hand.

That is what you must continue to do ET...be your best and true to yourself and your kids.

You are doing Great!!!
Thank you for sharing.

BTW, the 3-year old dance class stuff is just unbelievably awesome stuff. I don't have any little girls, but I have nieces it they are as cute as they come!

[EyeTie]

Thank you Zephyr. I am really enjoying my time with my kids and without them. My wife asked me the other day about several of my friends and just about fell out of her seat when I told her that I don't really talk to the majority of them. Frankly, most were drunks and cheaters. I just said "I hang out with a new crowd mostly, people who share my interests and enjoy the same things I do." She couldn't respond because she still hangs out with her "bar-whore" friends.

As for the dance stuff, it's a riot. I am excited for her gymnastics class on Monday, that should be fun. She is a little monkey.

[EyeTie]

Just had a weird experience...

WW came to pick up the kids, I was helping her load them up and they demanded kisses from me. Which I happily obliged, the WW said "Family Kisses" and I said "You are getting one too WW, don't try to run away" laughing with everyone else. She jumped in her car, smiling and laughing and closed her door, I opened her door, leaned in and kissed her on the mouth. She kissed back, first time in 6 months at least that that has happened. Don't know if we were caught up in the moment or what, but we smiled when I pulled my head back, I closed her car door and off they went. Interesting...

[EyeTie]

And things just get stranger in my world.

Reading book after book, trying to decide when it's "right" to start dating again, I gathered that "you will know" is the right answer. Although some say wait years, others say different, I just hedged my bet on my gut. I have been dating casually over the last few months. I know I am not ready to get into a relationship, but it's fun to meet new people and try new things. One of my goals since starting dating again is to try a new experience to get away from the "Dinner & a movie" stereotype. On different dates we have attended art premieres, cooking classes (if you are a single guy, I IMPLORE you to go to these), wine & painting classes, etc.

A few weeks ago I met (again) a girl. She is a few years younger than me, has a daughter that is my S age (7) and we hit it off. I had met her probably 5 years ago in passing, I remembered her because I thought she was "cute" but at the time I was married. A few weeks ago we ran into one another and talk/spend time together a few times a week. She is single, her D father is a deadbeat, she has her own place/career/car, etc. I will call her "J" for the sake of conversation.

Previous to J, I have probably gone out on a few dozen dates. Some were fun, others were ok, I refuse to say any of them were "bad" but it really showed me what I wanted in a new partner and what I didn't want. And as shallow as it is, I set up a "points" system, but I am analytical so I need to see that type of information in front of me. And the "points" can be something as stupid as "20 points if they like Star Wars" or "50 points if they have their own home" or "10 points if they know how to cook", just helps me keep my head clear. I have met a few girls that I thought would be great partners but as time went on, I realized that it would not work out.

Anyway, I digress. In my head, 500 points is a score for me to really think things could be great with a person. J hit 500 points almost 4 days ago...We have been talking for a little over 2 weeks. When I first saw her, she was sitting on a bar stool talking to my Mother at a family get together (she isn't related to me, long story, her best friend is my Uncles fiance) I was walking in with my cousin and I said "Holy crap, who is THAT?" I was smitten from the start.

Since our kids knew one another, it wasn't weird for them to be around one another. We make it a point not to hold hands, kiss, whatever in front of them and it's great. My WW knows at this point about her (it's impossible to keep anything from her so I don't even try anymore) and she actually said "EyeTie, for the first time in a LONG time you look really...happy..." And frankly, I am. J's daughter spent the night last night with my kids and they had a fantastic time, later we are all going out to dinner together as well.

Now, I am not saying I am going to jump right into a relationship with J, but it's absolutely incredible to meet someone who I have so much in common with. Even the other day, she got in my car and I had The Sinatra Station on Sirius playing, I went to change it and she said "No, leave it! This is all I ever listen to in my car!" At first I thought she was kidding, but later when we had to take her car, that station was on when she started the car. I really dig this girl.

Now, as for the D. There has been zero progress. The WW keeps coming up with excuses why we can't get it done yet. From the old house not being on the market to my health to my new career, etc. I am not sure if she is finally getting cold feet or not, but either way, life is good and it's only looking up.

Thanks for listening.

[EyeTie]

So the WW got fired from her job on Friday, has a horrible cold and it was her weekend with the kids. Knowing how she "shuts down" when bad things happen, I offered to come over to her place and help with the kids, make dinner, etc. It was nice, I was always the "cook" in the house so it was like old roles were back in play. I quit drinking a few weeks ago and she was actually surprised to hear me say "no" to a glass of wine.

We ate, laughed and all hugged when I was leaving. She actually took out her phone and took about a dozen photo's of the kids hugging me goodbye.

This morning I got an email asking if we could "talk" this week. She wants to talk about moving across the country to be closer to her parents, she has no family here. I offered before to do so, to make things "work" for us and get rid outside influences in our marriage, she turned it down back then.

She said she doesn't want to move down there in the hopes of fixing "us" but it would be good for her and the kids to be closer to her folks.

So here is my question, what can I possibly do to make sure that I am not setting myself up here? I mean, I love this woman, I miss her and I want to be with her and the kids as a "family". I just am worried with all the BS she has pulled that she will try to honey-pot me into moving and then once it happens be like "Well, yeah, not what I want, now you are stuck here away from everyone you know..." Any advice?