Well kudo's to you my dear. I mean I do understand my ex is having a MLC too and has issues w his untreated ADHD but I dont think I d ever take him back. He will always blame every thing bad on other people. I think when his girls tell him like it is one day he ll even manage to blame them for being 'unreasonable and insensitive'. Thats also why he can not be happy. So again I truly admire you. You are an example. Some part of me wishes I had more faith like you.
Im doing fine. Exhausted, eapecially on the nights both my toddler and my baby wake up, but fine. I enjoy them both so much. I ve got them both for 11d in a row bc my ex is on a holiday w his new gf (my daughter cried bc she couldnt come). Im beat but also trying to make it a fun time for my DD by doing loads of fun stuff. I meet up w my friends (with baby bc she refuses bottle... Will be an issue when i go back to work in 2weeks) and generally have a splendid time. I really enjoy being in my own place and being able to see everyone and not being continuously treated like c**p. And I so much enjoy my kids!
Looking forward to hearing your updates!
Me: 36 Him: 36 DD: 3y DD2: 1.5mo Together: 5y Married: > 3y D: April 1st '15 after 1y of affairs
Mom22 you sound so healthy and you are being a great role model for your babies. I was single with my four kids for about 15 yrs. I dated a bit when they were not with me but I didn't want someone else parenting them. I thought life was complicated enough! Lol I at that time kept busy with friends and enjoyed my kids. It is so hard to believe my kids are now all adults! The years really do go so fast.
My first H had anger issues. I never wanted to go back after we split up. I was emotionally done. So don't beat yourself up for knowing when enough is enough. This time around my present ex and I split at a time I was still very emotionally invested. I knew he was going through something but he was not treating me well at all and staying at that time would have been too stressful. I would never accept the same man back either. If there ever was a chance it would only be if he came to me taking responsibility for his part and showing some insight and growth.
At the present time I'm am staying back to protect myself. I had a long convo with my sons GF. They are visiting from the UK. She is just completing her Doctrine in Psychology. She told me he is sending me tons of mixed signals and it's no wonder this has been hard for me. She said he is lucky I have the insight to see what he has been going through. That does not though excuse his behavior or make his not treating me well ok.
He has an online profile on a dating site. He has described himself exactly in the way I used to say he wasn't! Lol He says he's active and balanced. I said to him I'm worried you aren't active and have no balance in your life. It says he balances work, friiends and family. He works all the time and has no life work balance. It caused problems for us when we were together and is causing problems still with SD. He says he's divorced. We are not divorced. Oh and he's motivated to have a great life and share it with someone special. He told me nothing I was doing in the last year of our marriage was working because he wasn't motivated. Lol I was always special and he is still attracted to me because I'm fit and pretty and have great values. But lack of motivation is a feelings killer. He is morphing himself into what I described to him was a healthy life! The only problem is this is not who he is or how he is really living his life. He sees what he should be doing and says that's what he is doing. I know about this because he is not being very smart about leaving things open when SD is around. She is at an age where she is snooping. She is very angry with him. She thinks he is a big fat liar. She wants him to pay attention to her and to stop trying to find new GFs. I know if he was giving her the attention she needs she would not feel this way and be more inclined to want to see him happy.
I am still not filing for divorce and I am just focusing on trying to live the best life I can. I have some sad days now and then like Mozza says on his thread things do get better. Who knows what the future holds....I'm open to whatever comes my way.
Hugs
karma
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Lovely to have you back. I am going to be tapping into your knowledge when I start dating.
I have never dated at all ever! All my Rs have really arisen from friendships.
So how did you overcome your resistance to going on dates?
Recently a friend invited me out for dinner, I said unsure until I am D. He wanted to introduce me to his brother (actually truly is a friend). He just said another time then. So I said OK. I am going to need guidance, weight loss and new clothes.
On your xWH front, is that replay?
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I have decided to try dating again because I feel like my head is in the right place. I don't take dating too seriously and I don't jump in with both feet. I am just dipping my toe in the water and seeing how it goes. I honestly would be quite happy to find someone to see a couple times a week. I don't think I would want to live with someone again. I do enjoy having my own space too.
I have often had male friends through life but usually I haven't felt romantic towards them so it's never left the friend zone. It is a good way I'm told to evolve into a relationship.
My advice to you my dear V is to discover what it is that YOU want in life and what YOU enjoy and move towards that. For example I like to exercise so I do. I enjoy travel so I have made a personal goal to go on two trips a year. I'm always looking at what I may want to do next. Your personality is so brilliant V you will easily attract someone when the time is right. This has been a very difficult year for you. Get your hair done, buy a new outfit, start getting healthy to be the best you for you. Someone else will just be the icing then to the already lovely vanilla cake.
I do think my ex is in replay. I know he still has a road to go in his MLC. He is no longer angry, or depressed and he is reconnecting some with his family. I know I have to protect myself and think of myself too. It's easy to get pulled in when someone is sending mixed signals and you see more of the person you used to know. I need to remain at a safe distance. If things are meant to be they will be. If I meet someone else and end up moving on that that is the road my life is meant to go. I will always remain part of my SD life. I feel most for her. She deserves so much more from her Dad. These last few years of her childhood are important years. She needs a parent that is focused on her and not behaving like an adolescent.
I have the word strength tattooed on my ankle with a flower beside it. I got this tattoo when we were splitting up. I am strong and will be drawing on that strength to continue to stay back and move forward. I will update as I go.
Hugs,
Karma
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Thank you Karma, I find you peaceful and calm and an energising factor. There is something about your determination which is encouraging.
I would like a life partner, and I did not choose well with WH. I wish to be open but not vulnerable, if that makes sense?
My WH is unlike yours, no potential life partner. Abuse is too risky and not welcome, so I need to move on. I am unsure of the way, I am different to say Gg, I am no seductress (although I have high drive). I want a life partner and WH isn't he.
I would like if you will help me, to ask you to be my mentor?
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 08/04/1512:43 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hi Karma, You are doing so good and you are do calm and balanced! You can be so proud of yourself. You are an amazing person. Im so glad you have your children and a good social life bc you really deserve that! You go girl! I ll be checking up on you. Hugs!!!
Me: 36 Him: 36 DD: 3y DD2: 1.5mo Together: 5y Married: > 3y D: April 1st '15 after 1y of affairs
V. I would be happy to mentor you. You are an amazing person and deserve the same in return. I have had to learn and read and learn and grow. Take the time you have now to learn about yourself. What it is you want out of life? Why is it you chose someone broken? ( I have made many men my project) Learning to recognise the red flags and not ignore them. Once you are in lust or love with someone or judgement is clouded. It's catching those red flags before you are emotionally attached.
I believe everything in life happens for a reason. We just don't always understand what that reason is at the time. We learn and grow from every experince. Often the lesson will return to us until we have learned it. The only one I have control over is me. I stumble and go backwards sometimes we all do. We are often our own worst self critics. We have to be a friend to ourselves first. It's not being selfish to be self caring. With your good nature and fun personality you will have no problem finding someone to share your life with. Take your time and be choosy.
For now enjoy this period of growth as it is a stepping stone into your future. I believe if we just start living the life we want we will attract what we need. You know you are on the right path when things around you start falling into place. When there are too many road blocks it's time to stop and reevaluate.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
So my STBX texted me the other night. This always happens when I don't communicate with him for over a week. There was no reason for the text other than he was testing the waters. He said " sorry I'm just getting back to you. ( he didn't need to get back to me lol) I've been busy working on my court case. Going up aganist my SM again soon. I'm out right now for dinner with SD. She liked the change purse she was given. Thanks for dropping off her passport." Normally I would have texted back and probably asked about the court case ect. This time I did not text back. That was two days ago. I did text today to ask if SD can come over tomorrow to see my son before he returns to the UK. I only asked about SD and made no comments about his text. It feels good to feel empowered.
I have a new man messaging me from the online dating site. We haven't met yet and probably won't for another 10 days or so as he is leaving for vacation. So far so good with our chats. He seems to quite like me. Lol
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
So yesterday I took SD for the day. We had an awesome time spending time with my family. I had bought some new clothes for SD. When STBX saw them he said You bought something for SD but not for me?" I looked at him and said my days of buying for you are over. It was tongue in cheek but he got my point. Lol I have noticed because I am more distant he is making more effort to try and engage me. This was actually peeving me off because he is sending out mixed signals and it's not ok. I was friendly but not overly and did not allow him to try and have his cake and eat it too. He is behaving far too comfortable and familiar with me when he is the one that wants to be on his own. I think he's aware that there has been a shift somewhere in me. I expect there will be another attempt to text in the near future.
Meanwhile I have been working out as per usual. Had an awesome time visiting with my son while he was visiting from the UK. I will be going over to see him in a month so I have lots to look forward too.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
