Ten months came as school starts this month and not done until May we agreed when he asked me to stay in March we wouldn't move them durrin school so if I'm not out in 3 weeks they are in school plus I will need tax return in 7 months to leave! I am not sure about assistance as I barely qualify for insurance help! I know when he was working seasonal and we claimed my income and only D8 we did not qualify! As for housing assistance I live In a town of about 2000 people only three sets of apartments and no assistance available for them almost all are one bedroom! It's not an option to leave the community as his family is my only support and helps with D8! Grandma teaches at high scho so if emergency let out snow day ect she goes there! I have no family around to help! The district she is in is the best district around also! As for child support ect I do not receive anyone her real dad is in and out of prison and refuses to prove his paternity which is probably better for D! She has a man (my ex) that is her 'dad' by he does a lot for me pays cell phone bill lends money pays half activities and school everything and more than he should and he is not even her real father! Ni have sole custody as she is not H daughter! She is mine from a previous R! I would of course allow H to see her and the other two girls! As for would I still see other two yea! I will attend all holidays and. Birthdays H family has as that is also my family or at least the only family I consider! So even if he re married I would be at Xmas and parties there would be no separation in extended family that would all stay the same! I know confusing huh?! D7's mom and I are really close we talk about whTs going on ect she would have no problem with me seeing her! D4 mom does not care for me therefore she would not let me have her on her time but I'm sure H would he wants them to remain sisters and is best friends! We have always been best friends and can't live without each other as in actually want to be together when we are apart! All this fighting is killing even the friendship! So in short we would still be around each other a lot and kids would still be together a lot
4, I get the distinct impression that you believe if you do all the right things in the next 10 months, then H will come to his senses. Truth is, you may become a woman only a fool would leave but he's just a fool. Then what will you do? The next 10 months are better spent figuring out how you can be an independent woman. If he pulls himself together that will be a bonus, but you will no longer need him.
What happens if you tell him you are not available to watch his Ds and that he and the girls moms need to work it out? At least some of the time?
Sunny I think you are right I do hope if I become a woman only a fool would leave he will come to his senses is it a guarentee nope not even close but at least I will have the benefit of being stronger and happier with or without him! I would stand to guess the healthier I become the less I will NEED him and the more likely it will open my eyes to reality not the dream world I seem to live in!Nee have 50/50 custody so having them watch on our/his time is unfortunately not An option especially with D4 as her mom is not very cooperative! My hope is of course to start over with a healthy R with H but that is second to becoming healthy myself! I can not have a healthy R with him or anyone else for that matter if I am not mentally healthy know how to set boundaries problem solve communicate and control my anger! I want to spend the next 10 months working on those and I would guess if I can complete those changes I will be able to stand up for myself and make a decision on what is best for me to stay or go! Hopefully I will be able to go if he does not follow along and make changes also hopedly I will be able to feel mentally healthier and have learned about boundaries! I do not feel I am making much progress I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and stop stumbling it's going to be a very long road! It was very saddening tonight driving home I realized how unhealthy this has all been for the first time! For the first time I see it as more of a need than a want! For the first time I am almost happy he is camping with OW in September just to give ME a break some space to really think! My goal is to not contact him that entire week I will be at his races I will go to fence and wave what not but I will not call or text I need that time to reflect To see what it's like being in bed by myself and learning I can be on my own!
Great advice from Zues, and I think your goals and personal work is so commendable. You're making great progress - even feeling sad about insights is progress. It's excellent that you actually want him to be away so you can think!
I understand your uncertainty about what to do with his kids. I think I would go from situation to situation. If you have plans of your own when your daughter is away, let him know that you are not available to take care of his kids. If you are home and don't have a problem with it, take care of them. When you take care of them, you're letting him live the single life. I would think it would be a greater chance of him and OW being confronted with reality if he has to take care of his own children on his own time. What a damper on their fun time! And that's why he has custody and visitation, so his kids can be with him - not you... But I would do it gradually, so he doesn't think you're saying no out of spite - but just because you happen to have plans.
Would renting a room or two in a house be an option for you? That should be a lot cheaper than getting a place of your own?
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Hi painter! He always gives good advice! I agree I need to do it slowly! Situation to situation and not cancel my plans for him! My only concern is he would take the kids with and put them in the middle he would not cancel his plans!
Today I have been at a conference for work all day text a few times but he refuses to talk to me after last night! What do I do? Very frustrating going on the roller coaster of his silence treatments and closeness!
Honey, who cares if he's talkzing to you or not, and stop trying to make him. If you had a fight and you have something to apologize for, do it. Once. And then let it go. Your energy is better spent trying to control yourself so that you don't get into these screaming matches in the first place.
I simply said in having a rough time right now I'm sorry I reacted the way I did! I need to look at it and remember you are doing what's best for everyone involved! Good bad???
I agree with Sunny - best to apologise once if you feel you were in the wrong. If you continually apologise and pursue him by text, he withdraws. So, break the pattern. You apologised, and now you can do your own thing while he processes things himself.
It has been on my mind, and I wanted to ask you - I hope you don't mind and feel free not to answer. You said that he has been unfaithful to you a number of times. Have you always been faithful to him, or have you also seen other people whilst the two of you were together?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
