Look. Everything else I get but how in the world is it not irresponsible of her at this point in time to be going out and spending money the I make when it is now time for things to change?
Would you rather that W abandoned the kids and have them fend for themselves??
I think you are just annoyed that money is going to a babysitter than other areas that you deem more important according to your own values/expectations. I still stand by the fact that W did the right and responsible thing in getting a babysitter.
Count your blessings, BE. There have been too many horror stories here and IRL of parents abandoning their kids while they go off partying.
Yeah, you are missing the compassion chip here....and give thanks to God that a babysitter was available and able to watch YOUR kids.
BeClem, I think you need to take a step back here. You are trying to get your W to wake up and realise a whole bunch of things in a short period of time. And you are the last person she will listen to at this point. It wont help your sitch and she will think of you as the enemy.
I think she needs to realise this stuff in her own time. You can't MAKE her go get a job. But she may realise she HAS to once you guys truly split finances if this is how things go.
Deep breath, step back, reflect and start processing the good advice that well-meaning posters are giving you.
Last edited by Toots; 08/04/1508:30 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Look. Everything else I get but how in the world is it not irresponsible of her at this point in time to be going out and spending money the I make when it is now time for things to change?
I mean seriously. What am I missing here?
Whoa!!! It is all about YOU and your timeline.
Get out of your own ass. Your money was spent on the kids. They benefited from the services of a reliable babysitter who kept them fed, safe, and entertained.
Pay attention....
You are screaming "MY MONEY" when it's family money when it comes to the kids.
Get out of your on ass...you need to calm the f@ck down about this. This is small potatoes.
I wonder how you will handle it when bigger issues come down the pike.
I would never worry about my children being abandoned by her to fend for themselves. That is not the type of person my W is.
And other areas I "deem" more important? You mean like rent? Gas? Electric? etc....
I'm just not following your logic. If I have been fired as her husband, and I am the one who pays for everything, is it my responsibility to pay for her social life?
I would never worry about my children being abandoned by her to fend for themselves. That is not the type of person my W is.
Don't be too cocky or confident of this. When there's a WAW or WW, their heads get seriously messed up and do really terrible things to the children.
And other areas I "deem" more important? You mean like rent? Gas? Electric? etc....
So let me see if I understand you right. You think that W should stay home ALL THE time and be a prisoner in her own home 365 days of the year because gas, electric, water, etc "needs" to be paid.
Frankly $60.00 is a piddling amount of money on a babysitter. You are all twisted up over this when many other DBer's have had their WAW plunder thousands of dollars out of their joint accounts.
You are lucky.
I think it all comes to being too "controlling" here and your W rightfully sees through that. You need to step back and chose your battles wisely.
You are not at the moment. You're being a hothead fighting over such small potatoes.
What I mean by missing the compassion chip is that you are not looking at the heart of the babysitter-gate:
Your own babies were well cared for by a responsible babysitter.
If I were you, I'd thank God for the good sense that W was able to wrangle a babysitter to watch over my kiddos. The alternative......
I am done with this subject. If you are unable to see the bigger picture, then I worry about you and your M's survival.
Don't try to rush the consequences for her, they will come. Remember actions over words,you still talk too much to her. You can't just tell her how things will work. You can't lecture her, she sees it as control still. After you split the finances in the future she will see herself how life will work. It does nothing if you TELL her how life will be and the consequences. She will just blame you when they come and won't see they were her own role. Truth darts can come much later when she places the blame for those consequences back on you.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
BE. You are getting really good advice here. I can sense you are bouncing off the walls. Listen to what is being said by people who know. Step back. Stop pushing. Relax and calm down. These people are advising you because they are right. In the large scheme of things is your W getting a Baby sitter such a big deal or is it more about what she may be up to while she's out?
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
I would never worry about my children being abandoned by her to fend for themselves. That is not the type of person my W is.
Don't be too cocky or confident of this. When there's a WAW or WW, their heads get seriously messed up and do really terrible things to the children.
And other areas I "deem" more important? You mean like rent? Gas? Electric? etc....
So let me see if I understand you right. You think that W should stay home ALL THE time and be a prisoner in her own home 365 days of the year because gas, electric, water, etc "needs" to be paid.
Frankly $60.00 is a piddling amount of money on a babysitter. You are all twisted up over this when many other DBer's have had their WAW plunder thousands of dollars out of their joint accounts.
You are lucky.
I think it all comes to being too "controlling" here and your W rightfully sees through that. You need to step back and chose your battles wisely.
You are not at the moment. You're being a hothead fighting over such small potatoes.
What I mean by missing the compassion chip is that you are not looking at the heart of the babysitter-gate:
Your own babies were well cared for by a responsible babysitter.
If I were you, I'd thank God for the good sense that W was able to wrangle a babysitter to watch over my kiddos. The alternative......
I am done with this subject. If you are unable to see the bigger picture, then I worry about you and your M's survival.
This response I am on board with. This makes more sense to me. You are right, Wonka. I am being a hothead on a small issue and I shouldn't be.
I'm just so damn frustrated about everything and at my wits end.
