Ep2015 Im sorry you are having such a hard time. We all our. Although I am not in your shoes exactly with D talk happening there are things in your post I can certainly relate to.
Like crying for days..out of the blue. I think thats reality or mourning of the relationship you had. I dont want that relationship back it was broken. I want a new and improved relationship w/ or w/o my spouse.
Trying not to look at my phone every 5 minutes.. tough one here , esp when I should be working..
The tight feeling in your chest and its hard to breath and your all nerved up.. yeah that stinks. I walked around like that for the better of 3 months before we seperated and before I GAL and started doing DB. Now I feel I have more control over my emotions. Keeping busy helps the incessent dwelling on things.
If your H hasnt told you exactly what his angle is are there things that you know of that were not as you wanted them to be? I know for us we didnt fight either and non confrontational but I now recognize that we werent communicating either. We werent sharing good or bad. I was lonley with him right beside me because we werent sharing our wishes wants or needs. No intamacy that way.
For me im trying to work on things from my angle because those I can work on and change myself. Ultimately I think we wanted the same things but didnt express them in ways that were understood by the other.
I hope this is a little helpful. If nothing more than you know your not alone here. Good luck to you. Talk soon.
Married 1991 D 23 GD 3 D 21 S 20 M 49 S 48 1st bomb 2008 2nd bomb 4/2015 same person I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.
If your H hasnt told you exactly what his angle is are there things that you know of that were not as you wanted them to be? I know for us we didnt fight either and non confrontational but I now recognize that we werent communicating either. We werent sharing good or bad. I was lonley with him right beside me because we werent sharing our wishes wants or needs. No intamacy that way.
Yes exactly. I will think about this and get back to you. That was right on the money
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
Whew it's over! I will post a more detailed update later tonight. I am so proud of how calm and collected I stayed through the whole meeting. We agreed on a lot of things which is infuriating because it reinforces "why are you doing this?" Even the mediator told me after how well I did and showed a lot of dignity.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
Okay so here is my update from this morning. I got to the mediator's office and H wasn't there yet. She came out to get me and commented on how good I looked this morning, even my attorney told me later "keep doing that, look your best. He will see what a fool he is being for leaving you". Are they on the DB train? LOL
Before H got there my attorney and the mediator told me that all the professionals met this morning and all of them agreed that H has a very hard time making decisions; takes a long time to process thoughts; etc. They all see it. I shouldn't get my hopes up that a time-sharing schedule would be agreed upon today. It wasn't. More on that later. The overall meeting was just to go over what will be figured out over the next few months and gave us some “homework” assignments for the next meeting in September. H has not done a single thing to prepare for this divorce. He has not thought of anything. It kind of makes me mad that we get along so well and have a very simple life, it isn’t going to be hard to split up, because I feel like he is still just eating cake and there aren’t any consequences. He hasn’t done any of the financial prep they asked us to do, put together his time sharing options, filled out the parenting plan, nothing. It is so frustrating!
We did work through the parenting plan and narrowed down most decisions for our son but the day-to-day time-sharing is still undecided. He shot down every idea I brought to the table but couldn’t offer any solutions of his own. I validated his fears of him not getting the number of overnights he wanted but I am compromising one of my weekend days every other week to give him extra time. The mediator told him point blank that he has until the 18th to think about this and to get creative with his schedule and come up with ideas. He can’t shoot down everything I offer and not bring anything to the table. I am so glad someone else is holding him accountable. My attorney told me after the meeting in private that he is such a fool and he would not be surprised one bit if he was regretting this decision and definitely would be 6 months from completion.
I can’t believe how calm and unemotional I remained through the whole 2.5 hour meeting. I just kept telling myself “this is a business meeting, not personal”. The only time I really got thrown off is when the professionals all thought that this was going so smoothly that we could have a final agreement by mid October of this year. WHAT?? That I think is way too soon for me. I definitely felt shaken up by the quickness of that timeline.
I need to think about where to go from here on the DB front. I want to start thinking about the things I did not like in our marriage and how I can change those through me to make me a better spouse.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
Good job ouutta you.. your confidance came thtough. Listen to your supporters and ask them to slow the process down if they can. If H isnt prepared can it be delayed..more.. im not experienced in this at all but if thats too soon say so. Cant hurt?.
Keep being positive, GAL, and know we are all rooting for you.
Married 1991 D 23 GD 3 D 21 S 20 M 49 S 48 1st bomb 2008 2nd bomb 4/2015 same person I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.
Well I am glad for you that the meeting wasn't a [censored] storm. You showed the poise of an amazing woman!
Originally Posted By: ep0215
I need to think about where to go from here on the DB front. I want to start thinking about the things I did not like in our marriage and how I can change those through me to make me a better spouse.
Not just what you can do to make you a better spouse....but also work out what you want as an independent EP, and what you can do to start getting that fulfilment...that is for you...for now and forever!!!
