Sh!t thing is that I've suddenly started renumerating again. I had this so under control and perhaps its because of the boys birthday but I'm struggling to keep her out of my head.
Hi NDY!
Thank you for the post in my thread. It meant so much to me.
Birthdays, anniversaries, "special" songs are just some examples of "triggers." Do you recall when I heard the song "With or Without You" by U2 on the radio? One of our favorite songs. I had been doing well until I heard that. I had tears welling up in my eyes for at least 20 minutes after that.
What you felt is very normal. Then, on top of that, seeing your W dressed like that can be really tough. She sounds like a very pretty woman. I always loved it when my W had her hair pulled back loosely.
Stay stong and keep a PMA. Also, thank you for the heads-up about some newbies on the board. That's just like you--always putting others first. I'm doing my best to "spread the love." LOL
Get out as much as you can. Have some fun and take things a day at a time.
Your friend,
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I go through this periodically. It usually has to get to the point of me beating myself up for regressing etc. then I remember advice that i have even given others - take it easy on yourself. This is bigger than both of us. This grieving.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Just a quick observation and of course some speculation. From my experience a woman knows when she looks attractive. In other words, it probably was not by happenstance that she was looking a way that you find attractive. You have known each other long enough for her to know what you like.
If you are keeping a journal about working towards you goals, jot this down. Over time you might find that you are making progress and did not even know it.
These little things are what we tend to forget and we get discouraged. No doubt, I could be reaching, but it is still worth recognizing.
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
The other thing that happened yesterday was that after I dropped of S10 a friend txt me to ask how everything went. I was sitting alone at that point. Literally in the house for 5 minutes in the silence and caught me off guard and I kind of lost it.
It wasn't the WW I was missing. It was S10. He had said to me at the car he was already missing me. I said how I wish I was going with him so we could play in the pool. Really tugged at my heart.
So yea, I can get back on track detaching from the WW but by God it's hard to watch your child walk away like that.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
I feel you man. When I dropped off my S5 yesterday she held on to me and said, "Daddy, I want you to go with us. I want both of my parents at the new apartment."
Man that just kills you inside. There was nothing I could do but tell her that I love her and will see her soon. I just wish my WW could see what she is doing. WW's are so self-absorbed that the miss the most important things in their lives.
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
This is so true. I mean, it's one thing to hurt our feeling but the kids? Really? I just don't understand that. Never will.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
I think back to my Dads affair. I was 8 at the time. I didn't really get on with him as he worked away a lot. I was a lot closer to my Mum and Gran. He went off with my Aunty (I wondered why we spent every Sunday going to her house), found his own place and realised that the world wasn't as green as he expected. He was back within seven months.
I never forgave him. Our relationship was fractured, at that point, forever. We never did anything really together after that. Never did the 'first pint' when I was eighteen, nothing. I hated him.
He dies when I was 19 and I slept like a baby that night. Cruel, I know, but that's how it effects children. I wish WAS's realised that.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
That's a sad story Huddy. I really hope S10 never feels like that about his mum but he'll make his own mind up when he matures. I don't know how he feels about her right now. Probably doesn't want to face up to the fact that his parents aren't perfect.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
There is not doubt that divorce adversely affects children. There is also no doubt that WW or WAS don't care at all about that. They convince themselves in some weird twisted way that it is best for the children because they will be happier and therefore a better parent. They do not think rationally. You can't tell them this because you can not rationalize irrational behavior and thoughts.
I remember my WW saying, "I know it is hard, but you will see, it will be better for all of us in the end, I know it in my heart, trust me."
What a crock of chit.
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
