Thank You. She finally responded back saying I spent 2 days with the kids...Saturday for several hours (they played with the other kids in my neighborhood)and Sunday 2 hours (they were watching the Little All Stars and playing with their friends)and I just watched them play. Now I'm not feeling sorry for myself, but ummm,
I then asked her to acknowledge her receipt of the text to see the kids and she referred me back to initial text of yes I can speak with them before 8pm tonight. She in return ask for acknowledgment of that and the arrangements.
Then she asked why am I using this kind of language with her and said to just speak normal. I told her we should seek a more formal visitation and custody arrangement as this is not what I want to do but its a course of action necessary in support of what she wants.
She replies back that she is on vacation and that we can discuss this later.
Have you talked to a lawyer? Get someone who specializes in father's rights, and talk to more than one. Don't enter into any agreements on your own.
It sounds like you are finding your voice, though, to stand up for the kids, and that is good. It's not up to her to dictate when you can speak to the kids. She's not the gatekeeper, don't let her be.
It can be hard for kids to talk to the absent parent right before bedtime - I'd make sure convos are fun and light.
I like this: "Then she asked why am I using this kind of language with her and said to just speak normal. I told her we should seek a more formal visitation and custody arrangement as this is not what I want to do but its a course of action necessary in support of what she wants." This is a natural consequence of her choice and she should be aware that you will be looking out for the children's best interests and your own needs in this situation.
So now she's saying she hasn't left you and taken the kids, she's just on vacation? Hmm... She can't pretend to be on vacation if she took the kids and left you. This sounds like tactics on her part to try and placate you so you'll give her more time without pushing the issue.
I think it's pretty common that if you let 6 months go by without taking legal action, it will be seen by the courts as if you agreed to the arrangement, just FYI.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Private Messaging (PM) is not used on the Divorcebusting Forums. This function has never been activated and probably won't be. In my opinion, it is not activated because they want you to post your questions, issues, etc. on the public forum so that others can assist you.
Only use the "notify" button when you are having issues with set up, need something removed or help w/linking threads, etc. It is not an option to have a one-on-one with a moderator every time you post.
Yesterday, I was able to speak to my boys again to wish them good night and sweet dreams. They're on a mini vacation before school starts. I was so happy and I can tell the boys were happy to speak to me too but missed me so much as I do them.
As I was saying good bye to my oldest son (9) he says hang on Dad, Mom wants to speak to you. I hang on a a few seconds and she comes on. She says hi and how are you? I was so happy she is inquiring, but then I quickly realized that I had to do the "as if" I'm doing well and ok, but to keep it short. I did exactly that without asking her how she was. I proceeded to end the conversation and we hung up.
I wanted to ask her how she was doing but knew better. I can tell that she was taken off guard and perhaps a bit dismayed by me keeping my answer short and suddenly ending the call. I don't know if this is a good thing in terms standing strong somewhat and unsure how she will perceive this and how it will affect her thinking of me.
It [censored], but moreover, it down right hurts to my core!
In any event, my heart doesn't want her to be hurting, but I know that it may be a necessary evil for her to get out that so called fog in her mind. I so love this bitter cold woman that has left me. What a senseless fool I had been to have even allowed circumstances and situations to lead to this for my family.
So with a broken heart and battered being...I FDU declare staring today onward I will become a better "Man for ME and MY BOYS".
If it's Gods will and with them help of my DB Family then shall reconciliation be made and my Family be restored.
Go FDU. That's the attitude. Be a better man. Win win. Be the man only a fool would leave. You got this.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Well done FDU! NDY is right, that's the attitude you need to take. This whole ordeal is going to play out how it will. All you can focus on is begin the absolutely rock star best FDU that you can be.
Day by day. Hour by hour. Minute by minute. Focus on being the best man you can. Then it's a win win despite the pain.
Your DB family will be here to support you all along the way.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Everyone here is right. Focus on YOU being the best FDU you can for you. It took me 5 months to address one of my H issue, and TBH I started to do it for him but now it has become second nature for me and I know it's for me not him!
You'll get there eventually. Patience and time are your best friend at the moment.
Hi, I was reading through the BB for comfort and understanding and came across a Post by sandi2 (#2545691 - 03/08/15 03:10 PM)under new comers.
Questions:
1. Immediately stop all contacting throughout the day.- Do I not call to say good night to kids every night?
2. Immediately withdraw his physical presence from her as much as possible.- My youngest Son is turning 2. I will need to have a small party or take them out to dinner or something. How to handle this?
3. Do not recognize her birthday, Valentines, anniversary, mother's day, or any other holiday by giving her gifts.- What If she wasn’t cheating? Just ignore the day and don’t say a word period? No Card or acknowledgment? Nada?
4. What if the mother is helping her financially to keep them at her house. MIL is like that. It's like nothings changed for wife except she is with Mom enabling her to eat cake. How do I approach this and breakdown walls by detaching/180/etc?
Missing my kids...heard kids and family all day laughing and enjoying the youth sports we did as a family. Hurts so bad...I am trying to figure out how to pray to God for Peace.
1. Immediately stop all contacting throughout the day.- Do I not call to say good night to kids every night?
2. Immediately withdraw his physical presence from her as much as possible.- My youngest Son is turning 2. I will need to have a small party or take them out to dinner or something. How to handle this?
3. Do not recognize her birthday, Valentines, anniversary, mother's day, or any other holiday by giving her gifts.- What If she wasn’t cheating? Just ignore the day and don’t say a word period? No Card or acknowledgment? Nada?
4. What if the mother is helping her financially to keep them at her house. MIL is like that. It's like nothings changed for wife except she is with Mom enabling her to eat cake. How do I approach this and breakdown walls by detaching/180/etc?
Missing my kids...heard kids and family all day laughing and enjoying the youth sports we did as a family. Hurts so bad...I am trying to figure out how to pray to God for Peace.
Thank You in advance.
1) Why would you NOT call your own kids? Do you have joint custody? See a lawyer if you can not see your own children.
2) Have the party.
3) Whether she was cheating or not she has checked out of your marriage. That is infidelity. I would not reward that type of behavior.
4) Is your wife competent to take care of your children? I think you need to see a lawyer to protect your parental rights.
All your threads are merged - try to stick to one thread until 100 posts. Then you will need to start a new one.
