Need advice for a WW who left Part 2

[dwh15]

Thanks V. I don't plan on any further funding for WW, not until one of use files and there is a support order in place. I'm really not looking forward to that convo we're bound to have, but it has to be done, and put the issue to rest once and for all. I think I'm going to say something along the lines of I don't agree with her choices and I've got no interest in helping support her affair. Beyond that, I'll do my best to remain calm and detached. If she threatens about filing herself, I'll tell her I understand and she needs to do what she thinks is best for her. I'm sure she's going to bring up the kids, try to make me feel guilty, possibly make threats about us not being friends, or maybe how she's going to make me pay in the divorce process, etc. I'm trying to prepare for the worst.

I still haven't decided when I want to file, assuming WW doesn't beat me to the punch. Feeling very discouraged right now. Looking back, I can see issues dating back almost 5 years, when I think she first started checking out of the M. I know for sure of the 2 recent affairs, but suspect there may have actually been another several years ago, although she denies there have been more than the two. It just seems like a long time and a lot of pain to overcome. I honestly don't know if she is capable of ever coming around and giving us a chance again. I still deeply love her, probably now more than ever. And I want my kids to have a complete family, and I want the chance to show her how things could be so much better. I just don't know if it's possible.

Praying for peace.

[sandi2]

She then started talking about the cost of her own prescription and how she wasn't sure how she would afford it. I could tell she was going for guilt again and waiting for me to offer to help. Mentioned how she wasn't sure how she was going to afford it and didn't know if OM would give her the money for it.

Pretty good example of how the WW will use both men to get what she wants. Her needs are always priority to her.

[dwh15]

Pretty good example of how the WW will use both men to get what she wants. Her needs are always priority to her.

Exactly right Sandi. So WW drops S8 off today and is in a fantastic mood. Brings me some fresh peppers from her garden, has gifts for each of the kids from garage sales she had been to that morning. I was in the middle of cleaning, but engaged in small talk, smiled, while keeping at my cleaning duties and acting uninterested in what she was doing.

She mentioned how she would be having a Sunday dinner tomorrow and every Sunday from now on, and the kids were always invited. It's a bunch of her new friends coming over, and she seems really excited about it. Funny how I could never get her interested in having company or hosting events when she lived her. She did talk so S10 and mentioned doing something one on one with him soon, which I was happy to hear, since they rarely spend time together. So I feel I conducted myself fine, but after she left, I'm again questioning whether there's any hope. She just seems so content and happy, and shows zero interest in having anything more than a friendly R with me. Honestly, I believe that if I were to tell her I was dating someone, she would be happy for me, rather than jealous. Maybe it's just part of the ups and downs of a WW, but it certainly is discouraging.

[sandi2]

As long as all her physical and emotional needs are being met, she will have these "highs". There may even be times she will pretend she's happy b/c she doesn't want to admit anything is less than perfect with her and OM.

She has to go through a process. It is not microwaveable.

[dwh15]

Thanks Sandi for the quick reply, and restoring just a little bit of my hope. Of course you're right that there are going to be "highs" along the way. I don't believe it's sustainable long, or even medium term. And I guess if I look back just a couple of days, her mood was totally different, so I have to quit making assumptions based on a single interaction. So I stay the course for now. Off with my kids to grandma's house to check out her new boat. I need some fun distraction for a few hours.

[sandi2]

Ah, grandma's house........best place this side of heaven! Have a great time.

[dwh15]

Well, Grandma's turned out OK. Only negative was we took the boat all the way to the lake and the battery went dead. So no cruising around. My S8 was pretty disappointed as it would have been his 1st time on a boat. But we headed back, BBQ'd some great steaks, swam in a pool, and S8 got to drive a go-cart, which he loved, so all in all not a bad day. Unfortunately, my mind was pre-occupied with WW most of the day, but I tried to make the best of things and ensure the kids had a good time regardless, which I think they did. So I'll call it a success, but was sort of a rough one for me. I'm doing all these fun family things, and just keep thinking how much WW would love it if she were here. I can only hope and pray that she eventually starts to miss actual family time and seek to prioritize it over a party girl lifestyle.

[dwh15]

Journaling:
Slept pretty well, and woke with the usual few minutes of emotional ups and downs, but snapped out of it. Saw that WW texted me around 1am asking if I made it home from Grandma's house. She had asked me to let her know when I was back home, as S15 and S10 were home alone, and honestly, I just forgot to do it and fell asleep so didn't see the TM til today. Sent a quick reply this morning apologizing and saying everyone was good. No reply.

WW had invited all the kids over to dinner at her place today, and was supposedly having a few friends over. But she texted S18 this morning saying she had made plans to go have dinner with her uncle instead, so would not be having them over today. She's only got one uncle who she's close with, and he typically comes into town around this time every year to catch up with family. WW and I met him and his wife last year for dinner/drinks and had a great time. So I'm sure that's the uncle, but I really hope WW doesn't plan on bringing OM to meet him. The thought of it makes me sick. I really doubt she would, as none of her family has met him yet, in spite of a few attempts to introduce him. They keep making excuses, but the reality is nobody in her family is interested in getting to know him right now. They have told me as much, and are hoping that the two of us can still patch things up. So no idea, but the thought of it is driving me nuts. I don't know her uncle well, but he really is a nice guy, and I'm sure he won't view the current situation fondly. Maybe he'll be able to talk some sense into her, but then again, who knows what she'll tell him about me, looking for sympathy and justification.

[Rouky]

Just reading your sitch. I have blocked my H on FB as it did hurt to see few things, and since I have done this I'm better. Don't look at her FB as it'll only push the digger deeper in your heart as you are starting to heal.

[dwh15]

Thanks Rouky. Normally, WW's FB posts are cute little quotes or pics of her and the kids so overall it hasn't been too painful. The one that recently got me was actually a friend of hers who posted to her timeline. It gave me an inside glimpse to her "other" life, and it hurt. I'm not going to block her yet, unless that keeps happening. In the past 5 months, this is maybe the 2nd time I have seen anything on her FB which actually caused me pain. Fortunately, she doesn't seem the type to deliberately always be putting pics or comments out there talking about how great her life is. In fact, she has never posted a single pic of her and OM. Outside of me, my boys, and a couple of close friends, I don't think any of her old relationships even know what he looks like, including her own family. I'm thankful for that, at least.