I wanted to add - I have done the following my spouse around the house and it does not work. Once I stopped (thanks to DB), things got better. Now I walk away, and it is very effective. When someone walks away, it's usually because they need time to collect themselves and their emotions. Let them, otherwise it will get out of hand and things are said that will be regretted later.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Seriously guys. It is over. This divorce is happening. I don't want it. I don't want it for me. I don't want it for my two young children. But it is happening and there is nothing I can do or say to stop it.
I feel most for my children. They deserved more. They deserved an effort from their mother. But that is on her. Not on me.
There was a talk today. Wife had texted me to talk. Basically, there is nothing that is going to change her mind.
My poor little dude is only six and my little lady is only two. For nine months now they have been waiting for "Dad to come home".
I am heartbroken. I am thankful to everyone here for trying to help me. But it is a fruitless effort so far as saving my marriage or "busting" the divorce.
The sad part is is that my wife is making her decision based on such negative emotions. She "hates" me and she "knows that that will never change".
I have to move on with my life but I don't even know where to begin. I want to protect my children but I will not be able to protect them from this.
Her mind was made up long ago. It didn't matter what I did.
I feel like I'm rambling. I just don't know what to do with myself. For 9 months I have put every inch of my being into trying to save my family. To keep us together. And I failed.
I am so sorry that you are at this point. It sounds like you have given up all hope.
You will be in my prayers and I hope that your agony subsides and gives you some peace. You have worked hard and I hope you don't think it was all for nothing. Time has a way of changing and calming our lives, I know you have given up on your M, but there are plenty of couples that get back together down the road after a divorce. My grandparents did. My aunt and uncle did.
I guess that all I will say to you is that it is over...but only because you have said it is over. You have given up. It never mattered what she was doing. Most of the LBS in this forum have D papers sitting in their house right now and haven't given up. Love those kids with everything you have. Keep being the good man you are.
Make yourself happy
T14 M5 SD15,D8,S6,D3 "Not Happy" 12/11/14 EA discovered 2/11/15 MC started 2/17/15 MC "put on hold" 4/3/15 W IC started 4/5/15 PA admitted 5/7/15 WW moves out 5/8/15 WW gets her own place 7/15/15
BEC - From all of your posts for three months, your whole focus has been on W. Maybe now you will be able to really look inside and save YOU first.
100% agreed.
My first 3 months was all about trying to save the M. That was impossible, because that hinges on another person I can't control. The only failure is to keep trying to control other people and avoid changing your own world, for YOU.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I am so sorry that you are at this point. It sounds like you have given up all hope.
You will be in my prayers and I hope that your agony subsides and gives you some peace. You have worked hard and I hope you don't think it was all for nothing. Time has a way of changing and calming our lives, I know you have given up on your M, but there are plenty of couples that get back together down the road after a divorce. My grandparents did. My aunt and uncle did.
I guess that all I will say to you is that it is over...but only because you have said it is over. You have given up. It never mattered what she was doing. Most of the LBS in this forum have D papers sitting in their house right now and haven't given up. Love those kids with everything you have. Keep being the good man you are.
Make yourself happy
I don't want to give up Jef. But what else am I to do?
I don't want to give up Jef. But what else am I to do? [/quote]
Start working on you BE. Just for you and your kids. There's still plenty to do. Actually now is where your real work can start because you can actually focus on what matters - YOU.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
BEC, Your life isn't over, so start pulling your big boy pants up, straighten that spine and put your thinking cap on. Yes, your marriage is over, per your wife, but that doesn't mean your relationship w/your children will end or the world is going to stop turning. Your life will continue as it has been for the last few months w/you seeing your children and yes, paying your wife child support and maybe some alimony until she can get a full time job. Nothing's changed. She's threatened divorce for a very long time, so she's filed or so she says.
Yes, divorce hurts and it's something none of us want to see happen, but in many cases it does and when it does, that gives us a wake up call that it's time to put the focus back on us and our children and leave the spouse alone totally. This is YOUR opportunity to now truly grow and learn about yourself and do the things that YOU need to do for YOU. One thing, you feel really down and out about the divorce...do not allow your heart and/or your emotions control how you feel about the financial end of the divorce. This is usually where many give away everything to the spouse...don't do it. You will need to be all businesslike now and ensure that you aren't going over and beyond what is expected of you in paying support to her. Listen to your lawyer. Do not continue to have talks w/her. This only justifies even more why she's doing what she's doing. As they say around here STFU!
Now, BEC, it's time to take care of YOU. Bandage your wounds and meet up w/your lawyer to discuss how to handle this situation.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I certainly am not going to allow my emotions drive any financial decisions at all.
I have to protect myself and my children.
I have already spoken to my wife about splitting up finances and financial responsibilities and that she needs to start looking for a full time job.
My concern at the moment is living arrangements.
My parents are moving out of their house. I can't go with them. I also cannot afford two places. Wife had made it clear that if I come home she will leave, which she has no plan for and no idea where she would go. I'm not concerned about her. It's my kids. She will take them and displace them from our home.
I don't know what to do about this because I need a place to stay but I don't want to displace my kids. They don't even know yet and school starts soon for my son.
