Who was in the tunnel anyways?

[hopeOK]

It is amazing to hear all the reflection your wife is going through!! I have to admit that I am a bit envious ... I have doubts my h will ever get to the point of really seeing the damage he has caused & being truly sorry. But I see your journey has been a long one. Way to go for hanging in there!

[u-turn]

Hey Cali - I just thought I'd stop in over here in your world and actually comment and not just read as I usually do.

All of the levels of how much this has affected, including those financial slams just keep coming and being revealed. I am getting the same (haven't finished my taxes yet - I pushed it off too because I could't deal with it - it seems the payment I sent will not be quite where it should have been - another hit.)

and I wanted to say "happy" DB anniversary - missed yesterday because I couldn't get to a computer. It's been a ride - hasn't it?

Thanks for all you have helped me with in my mess.

Peace

[CaliGuy]

It is amazing to hear all the reflection your wife is going through!! I have to admit that I am a bit envious ... I have doubts my h will ever get to the point of really seeing the damage he has caused & being truly sorry. But I see your journey has been a long one. Way to go for hanging in there!

Thank you hope. It all takes alot of time, that and figuring out to let them breathe a bit so they can start to realize thigns on their own.... telling a person "hey that pot is hot" seems to never work as they are going to grab it anyway ... I found its better just to let them learn, I discovered as awesome as my toolbox is, I can not fix people.

[CaliGuy]

Hey Cali - I just thought I'd stop in over here in your world and actually comment and not just read as I usually do.

All of the levels of how much this has affected, including those financial slams just keep coming and being revealed. I am getting the same (haven't finished my taxes yet - I pushed it off too because I could't deal with it - it seems the payment I sent will not be quite where it should have been - another hit.)

and I wanted to say "happy" DB anniversary - missed yesterday because I couldn't get to a computer. It's been a ride - hasn't it?

Thanks for all you have helped me with in my mess.

Peace

Hey U ... lol yeah I consider your my DB twin as we were born on the same day... so happy B-Day brother.

Yeah the tax things really stirred up some "how many different ways can you possibly F me over" emotions .... but I just decided to go with ... It is what it is... and move on. Uncle Sam will get his.....in payments this year.

It has been quite a ride, and as always I often watch your sitch, and pray for you and yours ... I still have faith your W just needs a jolt of reality to start to wake and come out of that fog ... I see you have become much stronger in all this and thats a very good thing my friend.

[late30s]

I have finally caught up on your situation. You have come so far, Cali. Truly your sitch is an inspiration.

I wish and yours nothing but the best. I am unable to offer any real advice as I feel your experience here far exceeds my own, but you have my prayers and admiration.

Thank you for stopping by my thread and thank you for sharing your situation to all of us young padawans.

[tadpole1025]

then W tells me she claimed S, this was not what we had talked about and she gave me that MLC dead eye stare ... I was pretty livid.

Mine did the exact same thing to me. I went from owing a few thousand to nearly 14,000. I'll be making payments forever.

Hang in there!

[CaliGuy]

Good Morning all

Just thought I would update a bit.

Startign to piece back things ... just life in general. Feels like watching the news, a family overlooking a house that was completely destroyed as they process all that has happened.

W has been sharing some things, talking total script if you have read about anyone who has come out of MLC and told their story. Saturday we were chatting about something, I can not recall ... had something to do with the past couple years in a lighthearted way and she looked at me, started to speak then shut down, I grabbed the STFU smoothie as I knew it was about 'that time' and gently asked her 'what is it?' she said that over the past few years she felt like she was living in a fantasy, said it was like it was her but not really her, but over the past few months she feels like she is slowly coming out of this heavy coma and can not believe what she did and how we ended up 'here'

She has been opening up about this stuff here and there, I just listen and do not say much .... mentally I take notes, realizing I have read all this in various degrees over the past few years, thankful she is coming out of it slowly. Like many have stated .. I see old W in various degrees emerging (This morning she asked me for help with the TV, she was watching the news as she got ready ... something she always did but admitted she had not done in 3 years or so, in a very "Why did I stop" kinda way) ... I also see the New W2.0 (She will make a dirty joke here n there .. Old W was to 'proper') and what she brings to the table and currently its like watching cream being added to coffee, you see the dark brown, and you can see the bright white ... knowing there is a gentle stir coming and the two are going to combine.

W continues to test me here and there. I do not think this is a conscious test, ... my response is not thought out either, it happens quickly. We were at a store getting S's shoes and W wanted to shop around a bit ... Old Cali was not fond of this .. I worked so much in the past I felt pressure to hurry up and get things done, Cali2.0 is more like "Shop all ya want, I'll patiently sit and wait here because I have all day" Well W got huffy over something (nothing to do with S or I) and said something to me that was just rude, I called her on it, told her it was uncalled for and told her I would be at the store next door and left. W calmed down a bit .. came and found me and fully apologized, then shared what was really bothering her. I was calm and listened but firm told her something along the lines of "I'm sorry that you were upset about X but that has little to do with me or S, and I am not going to be treated that way" Old Cali would have just taken the comment and most likely would have gone passive aggressive or maybe the sarcasm route ... Cali2.0 .. not so much... call her out, address the problem and its over, nothing lingering, no resentment seeds being planted for later. There have been little tests here and there, I am not facing them with anger, just a strong resolve and its been paying off ... I can see the respect building consistently.

Over the past month and a half I have been staying over at the W's place. Just using mine on the Friday nights I work late and DJ. Slowly more and more of my stuff has been making its way over. This weekend we talked about 'us' and where we are headed. She had mentioned here and there about me moving in permanently ... we touched on that talk again. Saturday we did some grocery shopping together, she had items I told her not to get as I had them at my place. Came home and I went through her kitchen (I asked first and received a "God yes please do"... there was stuff everywhere, seriously 5 cans of Cream of chicken in 5 different locations, and we just bought 2 more that day which was what prompted my urge( Go ahead .. toss your OCD jokes my way .. I own it) .... Well its my kitchen now, I organized everything like I always have had it ... took a trip to my place and brought some much needed things over. She gave me a big hug and thanked me, told me she was wishing I would 'come home' like that ... said she never felt right without my organized kitchen .... I joked and warned her and S if they moved anything out of place there would be spankings.
Feeling inspired I then rearranged the living room, for those who recall the couch was in the strangest spot .. talking crazy MLC in the middle of the room at an angle. I brought my TV from my place along with the entertainment center, moved the furniture around, put her TV in the bedroom. Again ... she was bouncing around the house extremely happy, mentioning all the improvements we made and how its starting to feel like 'Home', the living room now was wide open and inviting, I had done the same to the balcony weeks ago.

So this week I need to sell off my living room furniture, next weekend is organizing S's room, selling off his bed and dresser as he is the lucky boy who gets that brand new set I bought myself almost 2 years ago when we split up.

We are a month away from a family vacation ... seriously our first since before S was born .. one of the 180's I made and will continue to hold true to. Every year ... the tradition starts in less than a month!

Hope you all are well

[HeavyD]

This makes me so very happy to read. Caliguy you are the man!!!

[job]

Cali,
I'm very happy that things are progressing nicely. It's a new marriage and try to remember to not go back to your old ways. Keep expectations low and allow her to finish up her journey and catch up w/you.

[Sotto]

Cali, I really enjoy reading your thread. Particularly as you have been 'through it' for such a long time, faced D, come back from that to where you are now. Plus, your posts show such wisdom. I'm grateful to benefit from them.

Sounds like you are full steam ahead now for moving back in together, and I wish you the very best with this.

Toots xx