Need advice for a WW who left Part 2

[barbie7]

Only high 80's? It's been 100 where I am! you are creating memories with your kids..she's trying to lay the guilt trip on you..she will be ok and get over it

[Vanilla]

Dwh

I agree with barb,

Time to say WTF!

Garbage and nonsense. You are happy the kids are happy in Air conditioning, pools and cute costumes with some fun stuff. WW wants to offer similar her choice.

Illogical like saying you have an umbrella when it rains, don't use it because I don't have one.

V

[dwh15]

Thanks V. I didn't let any of her spew bother me. In fact, I somewhat took it as a good sign. It means she is starting to notice the changes. I'm ashamed to say it but had not been a very actively involved father for quite a while. I'm doing it now because I want to do it, and enjoy it. I'm doing the kinds of things that I wish we could all be doing as a complete family. I'm sure WW is jealous, and maybe a little upset that I start doing these things now, AFTER she's gone. Nothing I can do though but keep it up and show her that this isn't a phase for me, but how I plan on living life going forward.

[Vanilla]

She may or may not notice, no mind if she doesn't, nice if she does.

You are enjoying your kids, they are enjoying you. This is for now and for your future, your kids are in your life forever, WW may or may not be. You have grandkids , holidays, bbqs, xmases health, joy and lots of stuff in this.

What is not to enjoy, it matters not the past, it matters what is now and the delightful delicious giggling joyous memories that you made today.

And every day with your kids.

V

[dwh15]

Exactly right once again V. I didn't mean to imply I was doing this for WW, or even hoping she would notice. I think I'm finally reaching the understanding and acceptance that the changes I've made and continue to make are for me and my kids. I don't know what happened but just over the last couple of days, it's like something inside clicked. I still think about and miss my W but I'm starting to enjoy life again. I really enjoy time with my kids and my close family. I'm actually excited about the prospect of a new job, and making new friends. And I continue to be involved with my church on an ever increasing basis. I have not totally given up hope that one day we may all be together again as a family. But I'm also realizing that even if that does not happen, everyone will be just fine. I'm adjusting to being a single dad, and am not in any rush to have a new romantic relationship. I want to prioritize my kids for at least the next year or two, and not worry about finding a new partner. When the time is right, that will happen. I have faith that God is watching and will make sure everything turns out how it's supposed to in the end.

[Vanilla]

Dwh

It's a nice place to be.

V

[Uphill]

Dwh, I myself have been getting the same spew for a few weeks. It's tough! But what matters is that the kids are having fun! My WAW when leaving packed half of the silverware and bath towels. I thought to myself what good is half a set of anything so I packed the remainder up and sent her on her way.

Fast forward a few weeks and I'm a jerk for buying new towels and silverware??? She says it was unnessisary! Haha God forbid I buy something for MY house.


Also as far as the activities go. When I have S4 I always try to have something fun planned. Not to be in a competition. For him. He has been dealing with enough lately and none of it is his fault. So even on my worst day I drag myself out of the house and make myself out on a happy face . I'm apparently rude for that also because she can't afford to do anything? Not my problem... Not his problem... He deserves his childhood. I think it would be better as a family but if this is how it is gonna be, he will at least have some good memories instead of all bad!

[dwh15]

Uphill, that sounds EXACTLY like what I'm dealing with. You can't win, no matter what you do. Do fun things with kids, you're a jerk because W can't afford to do the same and you're making her look bad. But of course if you didn't do fun things, you're a jerk to the kids and they deserve better. I'm not catering to the wild emotions of my WW anymore. The kids come first, me a close 2nd, and WW doesn't even come into the picture. If she happens to benefit by accident, as something that I'm doing to help the kids, then I chalk it up to a nice coincidence.

So I had a dream last night where I was with WW at a family event and she was in a great mood. Talking to my family, all smiles, and trying to justify her choice to be with OM, how it was all an accident and they started as just friends, etc. I started yelling and calling her names, then woke up. Of course I felt totally pissed off. In the time since I woke, I've went between anger, sadness, and finally a dull emptiness. Guess the roller coaster is still moving, but fortunately the hills have gotten a lot smaller. I dread the thought of this going on for another year or more. I know my W is suffering too, but in different ways than me. She misses her kids, and is scared to death about how she is going to get by financially. It all seems so pointless. I wish I could call her and tell her to come home, be a family again, let me take care of her. But I know it doesn't work that way. Hoping for a good day ahead.

[sandi2]

I posted this last night, but I think you had started a new thread.

She will try different techniques to get more money from you. She will be all friendly acting, throw screaming fits, threaten, bully, cry, flirt.....or whatever she thinks will make you buckle. So, take this as a warning.

[dwh15]

I posted this last night, but I think you had started a new thread.

She will try different techniques to get more money from you. She will be all friendly acting, throw screaming fits, threaten, bully, cry, flirt.....or whatever she thinks will make you buckle. So, take this as a warning.

Thanks Sandi. Yes, I've already seen some of what you mentioned. Be nice one minute, then try and turn on the guilt and anger the next. So far, I've held my ground. My big concern is still having to deal with her once I land a job. I've had 2 interviews just this week and don't think it will be much longer before I get an offer. I know that WW is expecting me to start funneling money to her again when that happens, and I've decided that I will not. I've got no interest in helping her fund her A and continue destroying our family. She'll either have to file herself, or some time within the next 9 months I'll probably do it myself. As I said before, I'm running up against a 20-year M clock where I'm looking at potential permanent spousal support and there is no way I'm allowing that to happen.

So I figure the ride is going to get a whole lot bumpier in the next few weeks. I'm still open to suggestions on best way to handle breaking the news to WW, although I'm not sure it will matter much. I know she's going to be off the rails crazy and angry.