So my wife came by yesterday to pack up some more stuff. Seems like anything I try and talk about with her she breaks down. I asked a simple, what are you thinking wanting in the divorce? And she said she didn't want to talk about it. Then I asked well can we try and do this without lawyers? Then she said that's it I am leaving. I convinced her to stay to finish up. She said she wished we could get along, but it seems anything we talk about turns to me not listening to her months ago. And breaking her trust. She says because of me that she can't trust anyone. I asked her was there anything that we could have done to avoid the divorce? I mean this has been going on for 6 months and I have been doing all I can. She said no! It was too late by the time we got to counseling. I am trying to be friendly but she just seems so upset and hurt. And she told me the more she thinks about things the more hurt and upset she gets. Someone tonight told me that she thinks my wife can't or won't separate my actions from the past from me. And until she can she won't be able to forgive me or not be anxious around me. I mentioned to my wife tonight on the phone that I was thinking about making my new puppy a therapy dog, and that one of the disability listed was "Emotionally Overwhelmed" which is how I feel. When I told her this, she said that I seemed to be doing fine, that she was the one Emotionally Overwhelmed. I just said that I am trying to show you I am strong, and I am wanting to be more attractive to her. (Probably shouldn't confessed to that) I know, lots of rambling But thanks for those who listen and give support
Sorry to find you here on this forum. I can only imagine the intensity of your pain, but I'm few months ahead of you and does get better.
The pain lessens with time. I am no expert, nor have the experience of the vets here, but I think you could do with stepping back and let your wife do what she thinks she wants to do.
Sorry to say that but what she does is out of your hand at the moment. Also I don't mean to be rude, but reading your last post made me think that you were showing yourself as desperate when you asked her those questions.
My H said that me talking about his A made him uncomfortable when he comes around. I have stopped doing it, and few times we have been able to crack a joke.
It's only my experience but don't engage with her when she comes round to pick up her stuff as I feel it only reinforce her view that she has made the right decision.
Hang in there, it will take time but you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
What exactly is in that light......at the end of the tunnel? Another tunnel? I feel bad for wife, that I have caused this much hurt to her. I am not desperate, I don't think I am showing that. She thinks I seem to be doing fine. Which is what I am trying to show. It is sad seeing her this way and for me to be the cause of it.
Not another tunnel but a path to a new you. Whatever happens between you, you can't go back. What you can do I guess is look at what have caused this situation and see if you can change things in your end.
I'm sorry if I have offended you but using the word desperate, when I read your post, for me, it felt like you were trying to change her mind.
This "thing" you did that broke her trust, was it repeated or were you doing new things to break her trust? If you cannot answer that question, then it suggests she is feeding a lot of BS to you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
If it seems she breaks down when you try to talk about stuff then why do you continue to do that? She may feel pressured which will only validate her decision for a divorce.
She's obviously upset about something you said or did. You can't change her feelings about it but you can stop doing it if it's a repeated behavior and ask forgiveness. She may never get past it but that's on her.
Exactly, she can't get past it. She says that's were our conversation always goes back to. I don't bring it up only to ask for forgiveness and to promise never ever to do that again. But it always goes back to "why didn't you stop before it put our marriage in a crisis" And I did stop as soon as it came up in counseling 6 months ago.
So on a further note.......... Do I just give up? How does one negotiate trying to win her back (not sure if win is the word I am looking for) But try and work on staying married. I am working on myself. But if she seems I am doing ok. She is upset that I could just move on so fast and do ok.
She is getting the last of her stuff this week, and then be completely gone. I guess it's like I'm hoping for a stay of execution at the 12th hour. And she not finish moving out. Because it seems when she is done moving out, it's done. All that is left if the lawyer's negotiating.
