I'm sorry to say this, but...90 days ins't that long. Yes, it appears to be a long time to you, but to him...it's just like yesterday.
There are going to be times that you won't hear from him and the more you send messages to him, the more likely he's not going to answer them. You are pursuing him. I know you want him to know about your son, but step back a bit and be still for a while. If you remain still and quiet for a bit and allow him to realize that you aren't calling or sending messages, he just might get curious and contact you. Unless you have an absolute emergency of any kind, be still. Okay?
If you have truly accepted that he's gone, then let him go. I'm not saying divorce him, but leave him be. Live your life as if he's not going to return. Live your life to the fullest and be there for your son. Right now, you are the strong and supportive parent that your son needs. His father, well...he's out to lunch for a while.
Can you pretend that your h is on a trip to Mars and can't contact you for a while? This may help you detach more if you can think in those terms.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Wonka, You and I know that...but she needs to think it too. If she thinks that he is far away, she might be able to curb her communications to him for a bit.
He is on Mars. What I am saying is I think i am done being treated like a second rate person. I have become indifferent and I feel that he is playing a game because all of a sudden he wants overnights with S and my L said he could now be establishing his father of the year side before he files for the D and try for shared care and I don't want that.
It's been a year since the problems began and 6 months since he moved out. I know this is divorce busting but I think i am done.
I pretty muchtold him so tonight that i was tired of it and i know i can do it on my own etc he was real mad go figure and for once I just don't care anymore. I expect him to file anytime and I am ready for it.
Sounds like you've detached quite a bit and that's a huge step in the right direction to taking back your life and living it to the fullest. Continue moving forward.
Whatever you decide to do, we will support you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you Job. It's been a long painful process but I am at peace when I know I don't have to deal with H and situ and that's how I have come to the conclusion that I am done for now.
H came over this morning and was nice and didn't mention a word of what I texted him last night it was like it didn't even happen. I can't even believe it. I had told him about how I notice he doesn't wear his ring and has to put it on when he gets to house, how he has put forth no effort in resolving marital issues and I want to move forward with my life etc. He didn't say a word and he was wearing ring.
What the heck? Seriously its like it is some game or if he ignores it it will go away. I am still planning to move forward.
This is somewhat typical behavior of the MLCer. He figures that you are just spouting off in a rant and will calm down and everything will be okay once again. That's why we always say "actions speak louder than words".
Continue planning to move forward w/or w/o him. If he truly wants to do the hard, necessary work to win your trust and respect back, he will do it, even if it takes years from now.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks for all the support. My L is gone next week so I plan to meet with L the following week to get things going and then S and I are going on vacation and I am leaving H with the papers.
