I have spent a lot of time reflecting back, and I realized that in posting all of my life over the last few months, I was careless with the feelings of the one person I care about the most. I have asked that all of my threads be removed so that the legacy of the final days of my marriage won't be available for friends, colleagues or family in the future.
I am so incredibly sorry for the pain I've inflicted. I hope that in time, my W can forgive me and that I can forgive myself.
Be strong, you did whatever you felt was necessary to protect yourself and to try and save your family and your Wife. That is honorable and good.
My W is mad that I talked to her family in the beginning about what was going on. I told her I would have talked to the Devil himself to try and get insight into what was happening.
You did what you felt was best to save your marriage. There is no shame in that. You have helped so many on this board, myself included.
Good speed Matt.
Why not change your username and keep posting as you have so many people here who care about you and want to continue to stay in your online life. Just a suggestion.
Matt, I did reply to your last post to me, and I thought I sent it. I can't find it, so I must have hit the wrong key somewhere. Your threads go so fast! You have a lot of people who care about your stitch. People know a good guy when they see one, ya know?
I am not going to repeat what I thought I had already sent, except to say you may want to consider changing your name on the board, to something nobody could match with you. We want you to stick around, okay?
I feel totally useless in helping a LBS in the place you experience today. I will tell you, however, that I have seen others in the same spot who later R with their EX. The LBS would have to move on, first, and drop their emotional rope......and finally(sometimes a couple of years, maybe more) things would start to change with the EX and they R.
I hope you will stop following her on FB, and stop focusing on her all the time. You are on the boards so much it must not leave a whole lot of time for getting out and GAL, but maybe you are more than I realize. I hope you will make an effort to throw yourself into more GAL, and building a life without her......instead of around her.
One final word about her finding your posts. Her intent was to use this to inflict pain. Your intent was to save the M by getting help. Continuing to beat yourself up is enabling her mission. I don't think you should feel badly. The WW will do most anything to take the smallest thing and turn it around to guilt the betrayed spouse. Guilt is a card the WW uses every chance she gets, and the worse the LBS feels.....the more she'll lay it on.
If Mrs. Matt reads this post, she has a personal invitation to come on board and talk with me.
(((hugs)))
Last edited by sandi2; 07/22/1505:00 PM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Matt, I agree with Sandi that if you have found the forum helpful, carry on using it (or another marital support forum if you prefer.)
It is important to be circumspect when we are online, and I'm sure none of us would want to hurt our spouses by posting details about our marriage. If you change sufficient details about yourself that no-one could recognise you or your family - ages, location etc..you are essentially posting hypothetical questions, which I think is fine..
I can appreciate how you feel, but I also hope that your W, when she really thinks about things, will see that there are worse 'betrayals' than posting on a marital support forum at a tough time in your life, to try and save a marriage in crisis.
Take care, T :-)
Last edited by Toots; 07/22/1505:33 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I sit here pondering what I could possibly say to you Matt.
From the bottom of my heart. I am so terribly sorry and I feel utter devastation for you. If I knew you in person, I'd offer whatever support I could. I hope that these words try to convey the feelings I have.
Support is here for you. Change your name if you have to so you can keep your private moments.
Reincarnate yourself and welcome back to DB day 1.
Matt, this is an anonymous board to help us hopefully save our marriages and become the best you can be. I don't see anything you posted that is beyond that. No one knows who Mrs. Matt is and we only see the loving, brave, and encouraging person that is you.
I hope you find your way to getting support again soon.
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Matt, wow. What can I say? You and de facto were two of the posters I kept up with the most due to the similarities of our ages and sitch. While lately I've learned to detach more and seemingly let go of the rope, you have been unwavering in doing whatever you could to save your marriage.
That's why everyone comes here, to save their marriage. Not all can and sadly with as much damage done by the time we discover this place, I don't think many do.
However, it not all doom and gloom.mwhat I've learned is we all come here to save our marriage, but really, we end up saving ourselves.
We become better people and grow in ways we never would have. If our marriages had any hope of lasting survival, this is the metamorphosis that would need to occur anyway.
I've noticed huge changes in you and while you've been saving yourself, throughout your posts, you've saved a lot of others on here, myself included. I wish you the best, Matt and hope this isn't truly goodbye.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
