Yes, I won't contact when ow is there. I had no idea she was there. She wasn't supposed to be there at all My stbx had her drive 3 hrs to do daughters nails. Crazy in my opinion! The go go the next day because they were going to a concert. Advice taken! Nice mics nice. I will call the attorney. I left it up to him because it was he who hired her and wanted/started the divorce. Yes, he thinks I won't and don't want the divorce. True but at this point I have no choice.I am sure hell be who shocked if I do it. Thanks again.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Sorry not sure what I was trying to say in part of the above I am curious so as to why you said I'm sorry that I am NOT divorced yet. I know I go back and forth about wanting to be with him. and you say that by not getting a divorce this is his way of controlling me? To keep me around? you feel that if I went ahead and proceeded to finalize divorce that takes his control away? and to make him feel different about it or seeing us in a different way? I'm just curious as to why you said that. Things are quite different than they were seven years ago when we went through this. I honestly feel he will never want to try and reconcile with me. He seems truly in love with his other woman even though it is long distance.Thank you.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
NAP, I'm not sorry that you are divorced, but I am sorry that he's been dragging his heels and keeping you strung along on the issue. I'm sorry that things haven't progressed further along so that you know where you stand in all of the mix. Limbo is not a good place to be for any length of time.
I'm still of the opinion that you need to contact the lawyer to see why there hasn't been any progress on the divorce. This doesn't necessarily mean you are in a hurry, but I would venture to say that your h hasn't been totally forthcoming about why it's at a standstill. It could mean he owes the lawyer money or he may have told her to table the case. It's worth a call just to find out what has happened. Whatever the case, do not rely on him to be truthful and to do things in your best interest.
If, and when you are divorced, you will move on w/your life and your h will no longer have any control over you, i.e., you will not be where he left you. He will not be able to control anything that deals w/your life, except where it concerns your children. You will be free to date and if the right person comes along, possibly remarry. Right now, by staying married, it may be in his favor in several ways: 1) he can use you as an excuse as to why the divorce is dragging on and on; 2) he can use the excuse of being married as a reason not to marry the ow; and 3) he may very well look at you as Plan B if things don't work out. BTW, he knows you well enough to know that you would take him back, so he's in no hurry to rock the boat of getting divorce even though he said it a while ago. Besides, it costs a lot of money, money he didn't realize that he would need to cough up to pay it.
MLCers do not like for us to move on, be happy and leave them in the wind.
However, knowledge is power and you need to know what is going on so that you can be prepared one way or the other.
Perfect info! Thank you and contacting lawyer now.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Stbx and I have been texting about the kids back and forth. He then replies back to me. Because I asked for him to answer something he skipped over. He took money from my check for tutoring and I had already paid directly like I arranged and he needs to take care of both! Kids when he has them not just one. Example, my D has to babysit this weekend and he wanted to go visit his sister and GF of course since she lives on same town. He told me I needed to keep daughter and take to babysitting job. He replied....
There's nothing that I can say to you that's going to make anything better. Why do you have keep beating a dead horse, I don't understand. The only thing would be for me to go back, that's it. Sorry for, "who I am". I don't know what else to say to you, maybe someday we will be cool with each other.
He doesn't answer anything to avoid all at all costs!
Anyway, message to attorney is done!
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
To clarify. To go back he means to go back to me. He thinks that's all I want. Really? No!
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
OMG that is such a MLC response. My xh still occasionally lapses into this mode. There is a vast area of civilized behaviour used by normal people that they skip across because they think it is the marriage or nothing. Ummm at this stage, no, thanks but No thanks.
Reasonable would be nice.
I sometimes think a tiny bit of them wishes they had never left, but they cannot go there and continue to stay upright. Not our problem though.
Bea, I agree that many of them wish that they had never left or done the things that they've done...but to admit that they were wrong isn't something that they can do. They have too much pride to ever be wrong until one day...they have nothing left to prove or they are on their death beds and want to actually revisit their lives before their last breath.
Like you said...not our problem.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
NAP - Just read your sitch. Wow, what a rollercoaster you have been on with him. You have gotten some great advise. The reading about co-dependency is great because it seems there are some patterns with the choice of men which you allow to get close to you. What need is stxH meeting in your life now? It seems like you have both become stuck (I can relate). It is OK to put your needs first.
H: 48 Me: 47 Married: 19 yrs T: 20 yrs 2 teen-Ds and S H-MLC (started 2012) and H-Unemployed (11/2014) D-Bomb: 2/2015 H left country but hasn't moved out: 7/2015 I filed: 7/2015
