How can you sort to lay down these burdens, transfer them back to those they belong to?
At work we refer to this as carrying others monkeys. And we give them back to their owner, it's their responsibility to deal with the issue.
It might help you Diana to list each burden, big and small and decide who owns the issue. I can see you becoming lighter and calmer as each one is allocated to its correct owner. Sometimes that's not possible so we do have to deal, but the main deal is not to be reburdened. How could that happen?
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks for stopping by. Yes, time does help. I just think back to break-ups I had previously in my life. Some were very painful and at that time I never thought I would get over them. I know in time things will get better. I do have hope for my M, but I won't live my life consumed by the possibility. I can, I have had a life without my H. I can again, just this time I will be better and happier, with or without my H.
Cristy,
As much as I would love to have a session with a DB Coach, financially I just can not at this time. Being on disability for the past 4 months has cut my income in half and my savings are dwindling fast keeping this house afloat. Yes, my H does want me to move to where he is when he house is sold. I do not want to move in with him for a while, but do want to be in his area. I figure my D and I will rent an apartment together for a year. We will explore post-secondary education and work part-time to make ends meet. If after a year my M does not improve to the point that my H and I can live together, I will probably file for D and re-evaluate where I'm living. Maybe after my house sells I will have he funds to do some DB counselling.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
"Burned out" to me means hat I don't want to do anything for anyone, including myself. GAL is hard when I'm feeling like that and I have to really do a lot of pep talking to myself to get myself motivated.
My burdens. There are a lot!!!
My house: It is my house, it has always been my house. Many people have come and gone and lived in my house. None ever helped pay for the house. My fault, I thought being kind and taking people in was the right thing to do, but it would have been kinder to them and me if they would have paid their way. So, the house is being cleaned out of everyone's stuff. I'm being pretty ruthless. If it has been in my basement for years and they have not bothered to get their stuff it is going in the trash. I will get his house fixed up and ready to sell. I have some equity that will help me start a new life.
My illness (Scleroderma): It is my burden. I educate myself about treatments and tests. I do have an uphill battle ahead of me with my work's disability department. They want me to go back to work. I know that I will never be able to do the work I did for 17 years without crippling myself. I will fight them and already have the number of a top notch lawyer that has taken on my employer before. Btw...I built cars for a living for one of the top import car manufacturers. The days of installing tires, front windshields, dashboards are over for me. It [censored], since I was only 10 years away from retiring with a full pension. But if I stay for 10 more years I will be crippled or dead. On a brighter note, my BFF is big time into naturopathy. She has been helping me with supplements and vitamins as well as meditation and healing touch. I have her in my corner no matter what. My mother as well is much more sympathetic and does quite a bit of research for me.
My animals: Tough one!!! The Guineas have been re-homed to a wonderful young lady. She takes great care of them and sends me pictures once in a while. Funny thing is that I know her grandfather and have him on FB. She and her mom added me and I can keep up with what the Guinea boys are doing through there. My H, whose Guineas they were in the first place does not even ask about them. Kinda sad! My dog, I have had her for almost 11 years, since she was 8 weeks old. I want to keep her with me, but am accepting the fact that she might be better off living at my moms instead of an apartment with me. My dogs sister lived there until Christmas when she passed away. She has spent quite a bit of time having sleep-overs at Grandmas house. My mom also thinks it would be a good idea. My oldest cat has to come with me. She is a loner and very attached to me as I am attached to her. My problem kitty belongs to my son. He brought home the cat 6 years ago, but didn't take him with him when he left the house 2 years ago. I did make my son pay for all his vet bills throughout the years. My son and I are at odds right now, because I would not let him, his GF and her son flop at my house anymore. My son couch surfs between his GF's house, his buddy's and my moms house. He will not take responsibility for his cat, but my mom has agreed to take him. She has 13 acres and he would have the life of a pampered indoor/ outdoor cat. That leaves 3 more cats. One is my momma cat that a friend of my sons left behind when he lived at my house and then moved without her. My daughter has bonded with her and she will take care of her. That leaves my two boys. I still call them kittens, even tough hey are almost 5 years old and huge. They are absolute sweethearts and both very loving and clean. I have had them since the day they were born. I don't want to part with them. I have thought about re-homing them with a healthy incentive to whomever takes them and a clause that they have to give updates and give them back to me if they can't keep them. Still not sure about what to do there.
My stuff: I couldn't care less about my furniture or belongings. I just want to take the basics. Couch, coffee table, beds, a dresser each, the TV's (2), the computers. I have my collection of lady bugs in 2 boxes already. My D and I have pared down our clothes to maybe a quarter of what we had before. We are trying to sell as much as we can (clothes and furniture) and are giving away/donating/trashing what we can't.
My vehicles: One car I will keep. One car goes back at the end of October to the lease company. The motorcycle I am selling in the next few weeks. As much as I would like to keep it, I need the money and I don't want to worry about moving it in the fall when I move. I can always buy another one next spring.
My future: I'm still trying to figure out what it is that I want to do for the rest of my working career. I try not to dwell on it too much. I have asked the universe to guide me. I am leaning towards something to do with animals. I have always said that if I won the lottery I would open an animal sanctuary. I will do research and see what kind of courses are available in animal care.
My H: He is no longer my burden. He has to take care of himself.
Ok, now this a long post. I have to wrap it up since I promised my brother I would check in on his dogs while he is at work.
Last edited by Diana45; 07/21/1511:39 PM.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
I don't get online often (lately) but just wanted to say "Hello!" and want you to know I haven't forgotten about you.
God's blessings to you!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
My H has gone to his soon to be new hometown. He is scouting out apartments and applying for jobs. Rationally, he is doing the right thing for himself. Emotionally, for me it s**ks!!! I really don't know if our M can be repaired with us not being able to see each other at all. Going to MC will be out of the question then. Will he continue IC?? Probably not. He will be too busy working and getting his business established. Sometimes he is wish washy about actually leaving Sept. 1st. He says if he doesn't have a job he won't go. Yesterday we had a brief conversation on the telephone and I told him he should go. He has enough money saved to get a small apartment and he will get a job if he needs to. As my BFF always says: Necessity is the mother of invention! He doesn't have much work up here anymore and delaying his move will not be good for his business. I feel like I'm pushing him to go, which is so not what I want, but him staying here will just make things worse for him. Again, I do worry that the physical distance between us will cause our M to be done. Not so much for him, but for me. Out of sight, out of mind! I will live by myself again and do the things I need to do for myself. Almost like hitting rewind to before we met 5 years ago. Like as if we never even happened. That actually makes me sad. I really don't need him in my life, but I really wanted him there. Now it seems that he will start a new chapter in his life without me and once I sell this house so will I. We have no ties, no kids, no animals, no mutual friends. Really we have nothing in common.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
I think you are about to get some great feedback from V!
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
