I've read your postings and the first thing you must do is not respond to any more of your MIL's text messages unless it's something of interest to you, i.e., other than your issues w/your h right now. Your h is a grown man and if he needs to advise you of something, HE should do it, not his mother. He's acting like a 6 year old and needs his mother to tell the big, bad woman to leave him alone. Gosh, I need to shake that woman until her eyeballs roll out on the floor because she may be the reason he's having a crisis right now.
About your child, don't expect him to the be father of the year. When they are in crisis, many of them tend to ignore their children or have very little to do w/them. It's normal behavior. It's nothing to worry about because at some point, he will ask about her and possibly speak to her.
I would only contact him if it's an emergency or child related, nothing more. As for his mother...nip the communications and the next time you do happen to hear from her, tell her that her son, who is your husband, should be contacting you and that he doesn't need someone to relay messages to you. This mother is bad news and nothing you say or do will change her view of things right now because her little baby boy has told so many lies to vilify you to justify why he left. BTW, they all do that too.
Live your life as best as you can. Keep the focus on you and your child and be sure your accounts are taken care of. If you have joint accounts, set up a new one, if you have joint credit card accounts, get his name off of them or have your name removed. Why? Because he's likely to spend to his heart's content.
I'm very sorry this is happening to you, however, I'm glad you found this forum. There are many people here in all stages of the MLC twister. Come here to ask questions, vent or just to read and post. There is always someone here.
I wish someone would shake her. This whole situation just frustrates me.
I honestly don't know if this is MLC or a WAS. I really can't figure it out. He is still constantly pursuing women of all ages. Supposedly he is looking for a woman that will treat him and his daughter good. Yet a few days ago, he was not looking for anything and didn't want to move too fast. I think his mom is trying to encourage him to have a relationship with anyone.
I already set me up a new checking account so he can't take what money I earn and live us with nothing.
He did tell my son on facebook that he would get them one weekend when they get in the apartment. I am not going to deny him seeing them but I don't want them going up there just yet.
Hi haunted. Just read through your postings and sending you big hugs. I am sorry you are here, but you found a great place to be. I never could have gotten where I am without the amazing people on this board.
It's important to move your focus from your H to you and your children. It's tough, took me months to do. There is no rhyme or reason for the behavior of a person going through crisis. It will not make any sense and you will be wasting your energy trying to figure it out. The main thing that stands out to me of whether or not someone is going through MLC is the way they abandon their children. No grounded, rationale person having some marriage problems does that! It is way deep and something your H needs space to figure out.
Think of it this way next time you want to text him. The only way he will be able to see his unhappiness comes from within him, is if you get out of the way and out of the picture. The more you are around, the more he will blame you. I hope that makes sense?
As for MIL, I will gladly shake her. I believe my own MIL is a huge reason for my H crisis. Please stop letting her relay messages to you for your H. That is NOT ok. Maybe even block her number instead of not responding, that way you don't even see her "messages" no good is coming from that for you, and it's time to put yourself first.
Keep posting and read all you can about MLC, it really helps.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Hi haunted. Just read through your postings and sending you big hugs. I am sorry you are here, but you found a great place to be. I never could have gotten where I am without the amazing people on this board.
It's important to move your focus from your H to you and your children. It's tough, took me months to do. There is no rhyme or reason for the behavior of a person going through crisis. It will not make any sense and you will be wasting your energy trying to figure it out. The main thing that stands out to me of whether or not someone is going through MLC is the way they abandon their children. No grounded, rationale person having some marriage problems does that! It is way deep and something your H needs space to figure out.
Think of it this way next time you want to text him. The only way he will be able to see his unhappiness comes from within him, is if you get out of the way and out of the picture. The more you are around, the more he will blame you. I hope that makes sense?
As for MIL, I will gladly shake her. I believe my own MIL is a huge reason for my H crisis. Please stop letting her relay messages to you for your H. That is NOT ok. Maybe even block her number instead of not responding, that way you don't even see her "messages" no good is coming from that for you, and it's time to put yourself first.
Keep posting and read all you can about MLC, it really helps.
Thank you! I am trying to move my focus off him. It's so hard at times. I do really good and then bam im back to wondering what he's doing, who he is talking to, etc. Yeah, that's why i think MLC is the abandoning part. But they have a reason for why he is doing that as well. They have a reason for everything lol. It's because he wants to avoid me according to my mil. Of course, I don't buy that.
That makes a lot of sense. I am going to remember that next time I want to call/text.
I plan on blocking her as soon as I am done typing this message. I would remove his entire family from my fb but I don't know if I can be that drastic yet.
I don't know if I mentioned this but he did create a new instagram account and facebook account. He added my son on both of them. He has made sure to put on every thing possible he is separated. Is that normal MLC behavior?
Someone also pointed out he has signs of being a narcissist.
Yes, it is very normal for them to announce to the world that they are separated and what better place, but all of the internet communications, i.e., instagram, facebook, etc.
During MLC, they can exhibit signs of various personality disorders. If your h didn't exhibit them previously, then he may not be a narcissist. I would suggest you read up on the disorder...but try not to put a label on his actions until you are sure he was this way prior to the crisis.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Like Job said, totally normal. My H changed his marital status on Facebook to just being blank, nothing. He insisted he had never marked it as married, but I could swear he had.
I stopped going on Facebook, even my own. I am too tempted to check his and it upsets me to see all these people I never met posting to him.
Your feelings are totally normal so be nice to yourself. It's ok to feel all the different ups and downs, it's how you react to them that counts
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
So he and a woman have been posting back and forth on his facebook. My son can see it all and everyone else, too. He has never met this woman and I believe they just started talking in the past few days. She wrote on his wall about wishing she had a co-signer for a house. He told her he wish he could but his credit isn't good enough. He said he would do anything for her.
My jaw dropped. Do MLC act like that too?
My mom says she doesn't think he is going through a MLC. She just thinks he a lying cheating man.
He is back again talking crap about me to anyone that will listen. He is sick of my crap and I am a very conniving person. This never ends. I don't even feel like I have the strength to deal with it anymore.
It's so hard to follow the believe none of what he says and 50% of what he does. When he says things like he's sick of my crap and name calling me, it's kinda hard not to believe those things.
Have you done any research on MLC? If you have, you will come to realize that they do a lot of crazy things and one of the things that they tend to do is play the rescuer. They want to come off as being the good guy and yes, what he said about he would do anything or her is very typical. Sounds like an EA has started with the two of them.
Again, talking bs to others about you is calling vilifying you. They do this to justify why they leave or unhappy. Typical behavior and you have to find a way to ignore it. The truth will come out when people begin to open their eyes. You a very conniving person? Sounds like projection to me.
Again, do some internet research on MLC. You will be amazed at what you discover.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Have you done any research on MLC? If you have, you will come to realize that they do a lot of crazy things and one of the things that they tend to do is play the rescuer. They want to come off as being the good guy and yes, what he said about he would do anything or her is very typical. Sounds like an EA has started with the two of them.
Again, talking bs to others about you is calling vilifying you. They do this to justify why they leave or unhappy. Typical behavior and you have to find a way to ignore it. The truth will come out when people begin to open their eyes. You a very conniving person? Sounds like projection to me.
Again, do some internet research on MLC. You will be amazed at what you discover.
I have but have so many questions lol. I've never experienced anyone that's been through a MLC.
