You are doing a good job and Matt777 is offering some real wisdom. In the grand scheme of things a year isn't a long time, although it feels like it when you are going through things. My sister and I were estranged for 4 years and we are close now. It's just your *fear* telling you that you won't get back together. It's fortune-telling at best, and can be destructive to your efforts when you need to be focused. Keep your goals in front of you.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
I think that one of my goal has to be to learn to be patient and take each day at a time! So far all my goals have been successful. Saw H today who is really pushing for the sale of the house. I don't mind it as it'll be a fresh new start for me and girls. At the moment, he is looking for his own place. Don't think he'll ever come back!
He is being very cold, sharp and avoid eyes as much as possible. Never asks about how I feel or how my day has been.
Don't know what is happening to me lately but I'm back in a limbo. Went out with few friends, and found 2 drawings done by Ds. Both labelled to mummy, no mention of their dad.
Then my mind started to go crazy. My kids don't deserve to be brought up in a broken home. I also never deserved to be cheated on for 2 years! Right now my heart is really sore, and I feel angry.
Can anyone give me a good reason why I should forgive him for being unfaithful, for him to make me responsible of his A, for hurting me badly for the last 2 years but I always put it on him being depressed, for making feel so stupid that everyone (his friends, our friends & even ALL his family member) knew about the affair, for even wanting him back (what kind of message I am sending to my girls: it's normal to be treated like a piece of meat, and still allowing him I my life).
Don't think I'm setting the right example to my daughters!
Can you go dark when you need to have contact with H regarding kids! H decided to do some work on his sister's house, instead of spending time with his kids.
I drove them to where he's working, and asked him how he'd b spending some quality time with his kids. He replied between two layers of paint he can play with them in garden!
What a lot of rubbish! On the way back I thought that what hurt the most wasn't the actual physical relationship he had with OW but the fact it lasted 2 years. As he says our marriage was/ is still over, why didn't he left me for her if she is so special to him.
What also hurt are the lies, and the fact everyone knew! I want to throw the towel, I don't deserve to feel guilty for his choices!
So I have 2 options either going dark or throw in the towel, and fill for divorce! As anyone who has been betrayed for so long been able to recover and was the marriage salvaged?
How can someone who you think you have known for 10 years, becomes such a cold and heartless person?
Was just reading a passage of Divorce Remedy which says " when prople announce the death of their marriages, they really mean it". I have the feeling that is the case for my H.
He was very sharp, hardly engaged in conversation about the sell of the house, and haven't looked at me once. This is taking too much of my energy? In already stressed as it is by work and running the house on my own. I really think I don't have the will power to carry on, let alone thinking there might be a slim chance and be hurt again!
Evidence that H is on another planet, H: will bring the girls back @ 9 pm as it doesn't matter as no school tomorrow ( me boiling inside as I do have something planned, that he knew about, which involves an early start)
Me: that's fine! ( I probably did wrong here, but he's usually on time to bring them back!)
H: can't have them tomorrow as I'm working (me inside: that's your choice not mine! & not happy as we've arranged access time) H: I'll have them the next day
Me: sure! What time for pick up?
H: around 10 so I can have a lie-in (wow just got swamped by intense anger, no chance of a lie-in for me ever as got them 24/7!, but did my best to smile, said goodbye.
Now I clearly feel like a doormat! I feel I should have said something. Finding difficult to put boundaries as I don't want it to be un amicable between us, and if I was to put reduce some access, it'll lead to confrontation like I don't allow him to see his kids!
No win situation for me whatever I do:-(! Got the feeling that now him spending time with his kids has became more of a chore than anything else!)
Don't get why he would prefer to reduce his visitation time and at time works than spending if with his kids!
Woke up with tears rolling down my cheeks, thinking he must really hate me to be able to have an affair that long.
He doesn't seem to have any remorse or even feeling guilty with what he has done! Why can one human being be so hurtful towards another?
Lately been thinking a lot ( everyday actually) about the situation I am in, and I don't think it's good. My IC keeps telling me that I'm grieving, and I should give it time. I just want the pain, the sadness and constant reminder of what I have lost to go away!
Why can't I be like my H who gets on with his single life (no responsibilities at all, no guilt, no shame for what he has done!)?
My husband has been saying he is done with our marriage for years..i don't have time right now to type out everything I want to.he left us twice for the same woman..horrible woman who he swears is a good person but anyway he is only getting our daughters every other weekend and hardly ever calls them in between and him and her kiss in from of the girls and everything and he told me yesterday him and her will probably be together for a long time and me and him are done for good...long story but I feel your pain and trust me it does get better..this time I kicked him out June 26th so it's only been a few weeks but I have had enough..i have decided to give up BC we are getting divorced anyway and even in God's eyes BC of the adultery I have every right to move on..not really what I wanted but he didn't give me much choice in the matter..IMO I think you are around him way too much right now even if it's only for the kids sake
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
so it's only been a few weeks but I have had enough..i have decided to give up BC we are getting divorced anyway
Simply as an observation, the above doesn't sound like acceptance more like hopelessness, are you sure you are fully through the grief cycle yet?
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
