I've already been through mediation. basically it failed b/c the onus was on a compromised solution rather than whether either starting position was unreasonable. which it is. So eventually I called the dogs and Ling-only began.
W's response through L to my notice of intent is ridiculously weak. My L actually called her L to genuinely question whether this is what she really wants to stand by b/c it all seems so ridiculous. So we are calling her bluff and letting the court decide. W has lived true to a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She genuinely believes that her actions and expectations are without fault and legitimate, and can't understand why WE are not all as excited and happy as she is. (The world revolves around her).
Anyway, as I said to Smothy - I am over it. I don't hate her anymore, I am compassionate and I forgive her - but her actions and beliefs (quite apart from actually cheating on me) are not the sort of characteristics I want in my life. Not someone I want to be friends with. In your words "dead to me".
It still hurts, a lot sometimes, but it is getting easier to detach from her completely. It will be even easier when court rules and one way or another I don't have to share a house with her and her OM. I only pray that it comes down hard on my side and I don't have to re-locate at all to maintain 50/50 custody.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Glad you checked in Zues. Sorry to hear how the mediation is turning out. I'm aware that turning my STBX in to angry vindictive b*stard is the risk I take by asking him to file. But we are going to have that conversation soon. Until then, I'm relaxing by the water.
It's funny, my IC is just really nonchalant about all of this. He just casually dismisses the thought of an amicable divorce and says that's what everyone says but then things pick up steam and eventually things just start getting pounded through the system and everyone walks away feeling bulldozed and taken advantage of. I actually love that he's so 'meh' about it all, because it reminds me that it's no big deal. The idea that it can be a tender sensitive divorce is just silly, and if I can just accept that isn't to be then it's no problem. (That said, Sunny, you may be in the 10% he says can pull it off!)
I made a post on 4mykids's thread that made me realize...I've grown beyond STBX. I'm not sure when it happened, but I no longer harbor the hope that she'll 'come out of the fog'. I see who she is, she just can't follow me on the path I'm going on. If she does I'd be surprised and skeptical. But I've really let her go in a way that I didn't think I'd reach. I'm still dealing with the pain of the aftermath of the divorce at times, but she is part of my history, not my present. The great thing about change is that I don't feel like the person I was a year ago, and it seems like the person that longed for her is just a distant memory. I feel less needy than I ever have, and am doing well.
My weekend with the kids. We watched the 'killer rabbit' scene from Monty Python's Holy Grail, they love that part. They love the Beatles too, and I told them how "Life of Brian" was so controversial nobody wanted to fund it...so George Harrison paid for the entire thing. When asked why he said "I wanted to see the movie". Then we listened to songs and hung out a bit before I put them to bed. I love my family and have never been better.
You all...sometimes I wish we could have a get together...but really maybe this is just perfect. You all simply rock and I am so happy to have shared this road with such good company. Good night DB world
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Oh my goodness, kids movies these days are NOTHING like the kids movies I saw when I was growing up.
I know perception is totally different...but when I watched Little Mermaid or Beauty and the Beast it was emotional to a point...but this is way different.
I just took my kids to "Inside Out". Lord. I literally was crying through like 1/3 of the movie. I'm so embarrassed, I was trying no to shake because I'm supposed to be the dad and all, and it's rated PG for crying out loud! But for anyone that's seen it, I defy you to say that wasn't profound.
It just made me realize how precious every memory I have with my family is. It also woke up in me what an overwhelming and permanent loss it is that I can't share those memories with anyone, because they were treasures between me and STBX. To see 'family island' crumble when the daughter ran away from home was about too much for me. And it reminded me how much I love my family, and how deep my love for STBX ran. It doesn't matter now, but she'll probably never know how core my love for her was in my life. Truly divorce is a terrible thing.
But the movie was also about the importance of sadness, and letting all emotions speak, and how some of the most important things in our life aren't all happy or all sad, but a blend. And all is how it should be.
So I encourage all of you to check it out. I also think it was good for my kids, it taught a lot about how we work and how to manage ourselves as well.
Again, we're a long ways from 'Bambi'. Just wow.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Zues, I readily admit I hope we can pull off a D without a lot of angst and drama and come out friends on the other side. And I admit that I'm naive. But I'm going to try. And I'm ready to get started, so stay tuned everyone.
You should go see the Minion Movie. No emotional roller coaster, just fun.
As far as getting together, I know it's against the rules. But if you ever come to FL in search of a gator and don't figure out a way to look me up, I'll be offended.
How are you? I'm sorry I haven't checked in with you recently. For the last week or so I've been super busy with my sitch and GAL stuff.
I think about you often.
Hang in there my friend.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
STBX just asked me to trade weekends with the kids so they'd be with me for the weekend of her birthday because she wanted to go out of town with some friends. It made me feel pretty lonely and left out. I'm trying to figure out why...I really wouldn't have any interest in some big booze/pot/orgy (or whatever goes on, who knows, maybe they're on a Bible retreat)...and I know I don't want to rebound into anything right now...but it is a reminded that I'm by myself. I'm ok with that because it's where I should be- I think I'd be even lonelier surrounded by people that weren't deeply connected and caring of me, and that helps me remember why I'm on this path. I prefer a deeper intimacy, and one that has a foundation of trust and commitment. I guess I can wait for that so I'm in a place to be ready to make and receive that type of commitment.
Sunny, I'm optimistic you'll be able to have an amicable divorce. Your H doesn't sound like he wants a war, and you've handled things so gracefully that him escalating things will be like starting a fire with wet wood. I'm going to have to go back to your first few threads, I can't for the life of me understand why your H wanted to go down this road in the beginning...I can't remember if you've changed a lot or if you've always been this way, but you're a good example to the newbies that no matter how you play your cards WAS's will do what they do, and that ultimately we can make our own roads as well and we'll get where we're going.
Bob, thank you, I've been a bit busy too but am glad you're still such an anchor on these boards- but nothing beats GAL. I'll bop over to your thread and check it out.
Oh- BTW, right before I dropped my kids off I did something that was rather spontaneous and EXTREMELY fun and memorable. I watched a video with my kids about the worst parts of any video games ever. There was a part of MTV's "Pimp my ride" video game when you have to ghost ride, which means your character has to leave his car idling down the road while walking along side and doing goofy dance moves. Apparently this is the new pimp thing. So in this video the guy that's making fun of it does it in real life, he's dressed like a pimp and has tunes jamming out of his car (and it's like an old Dodge Neon) and he's walking along side of it while it rolls shouting phony rap lyrics and doing these terrible dance moves.
Point is we all laughed our tails off...so right before I dropped the kids off I pulled into an empty parking lot and I queued up the song from the video, threw open my door, and jumped out of the car and started twirling around and shouting out the stupid lyrics...just for like 5-10 seconds, then I jumped back in my car and shouted "ghost ride baby!". My kids DIED laughing. They thought it was the coolest thing ever. It was all they could talk about for the last half hour we were together. They went from a moment of panic when they saw me jump out of my car, to thinking I'm like the coolest dad ever. So it made me pretty happy to end on that note. As long as it doesn't somehow prove I'm a dangerous dad in court in 2 months...
Good night all!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Hey there Zuesy-Boy!!!! Just thought I would come and play in your sandpit for awhile...I'm bored with my toys! Yours look better!
Nah, but really, just wanted to drop by and say I was thinking about you and what a blessing you have been to me here on the boards. I realised after reading about Matt's situation, that we are all just one post away from disappearing off here. So better make the most of the posts I have left.
Chin up young person, you rock!
Xxx JB
Ps awesome memory making daddy kid moment....that will come up at family gatherings in the future and be told to your grandkids! And note it will be even cooler when you do something like that when they are teenagers and you can get them back for their teenage antics. Love it!!!
