Well Matt I for sure thought about it! But instead he will now go hungry or cook and since it 10pm my time and he has yet to come home I will go with he will go hungry! Did you see my goals?
Well Matt I for sure thought about it! But instead he will now go hungry or cook and since it 10pm my time and he has yet to come home I will go with he will go hungry! Did you see my goals?
It's a start. I wouldn't push him to make dinner - but you could make dinner for just you and the kids and let him do his own thing if he's out or sleeping or whatever.
How about goals for PMA - no complaining? More laughing? Smiling? How about a goal to improve your energy level - eating better? More sleep? Exercise?
And yes, of course, no pursuing. I'm not sure you should go sit with him in the garage. Let him come find YOU. Maybe get a new book or something to do instead?
Sandi I would love to hear from you!!! Is there a WAS thread with good information? I have looked and cant seem to find one or a WAH? I need to better understand his behaviors! Matt777 I am looking at goals thread right now so I will put some more down and see what I can come up with!
Ok Matt I need to start small as I will get overwhelmed easily! I know me! These are going to be some of the hardest things I have done but If it saves me and or this family it will be worth it. So here goes some goals let me know what you think!
1. Control My Moods and Feelings for 7 straight days (stay positive) -I will take my medication daily on a schedule (I am bad at this for some reason I have a nursing degree you would think I would get it -Journal daily at night after kids go to bed reflecting on thoughts/reactions/feelings either on here or in a notebook -In bed by 9:30 pm and up no later than 8 AM (I have a terrible sleep schedule right now sleeping my days off away so this shall help tiredness and moods) -Keep smiling no matter what he tells me even if it is about OW and keep conversation light -Ask for a timeout if conversation starts to stray/get tense ect by validating. "I know it is important for us to discuss this but I am feeling anxious talking about this right now can we talk about this at a later time?" -On Sundays I will make a to-do list and put up a weekly calendar of events for both of us to add to so I do not have to ask about his plans and do not forget things that need done and it will lessen my stress load. I am a list maker
2. GAL -will continue going to the races on Saturdays but not for him for the kids to see their dad, keep them away from OW, be supportive (one of his complaints), and because I lOVE going and wouldn't want to miss it. -Will put phone in the bedroom half hour after I get off work (I tend to sit on my phone and computer all night being a vegetable on the couch so if I do not have it I will have to do something -no computer until the kids go to bed (same reason as before) -will go out with kids 2 x's this week either pool, park, bike ride, library, anything they want
3. No Pursuing -I will not text or call unless he does first -No asking for hugs -No Relationship talk -No OW talk if he mentions her I will simply say ok or thanks for letting me know -I will not ask about his plans but if he tells me/asks me if he can do something I will answer honestly not just always say yes
4. Detatch -I will not call or text unless he does first -I will send sort answer back at least half hour after he sends message unless it pertains to kids -I will own my own emotions (I will not blame him for making me feel good, bad, angry) -I will evaluate my irrational thinking about inability to detatch from the detatchment thread -I will read information on setting emotional boundaries!
OK Matt feel free to pick apart I will not get good at it without honest input! I feel like this is getting a life I have a lot of "homework" to do!
O yeah see I got so involved in Goals I forgot about a 180! So my 180's will be
1. not calling and texting daily unless he does and leaving a pause between (I carry my phone all day at work so I get them right away but maybe I will give it to a friend I can trust to hold onto it)
2. GAL
3. Not putting my arm around him at night
4. IF he asks me to go to garage or states he is going to garage I will onlly go out one time instead of everytime.
I know these seem simple but I need to get on track and figure this out so I can get moving along! Any input is welcomed!
From these goals these are the changes I hope to see
He will start texting me first (detatch and pursue) i will have more energy (moods) Have more Happy days than sad/blah days (moods) I will be busier and spend more time with the kids (GAL) I will have gathered information about emotional boundaries (detatch) I will see my triggers by owning emotions (moods) Will be less tired due to better sleep schedules (moods) list/calendar will be visual organization (moods) Ability to notice stressful conversations (detatch and moods) Wont feel guilty which decreases my mood if I am not on phone or computer and not with the kids!
WOW SO PROUD OF MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My xbf just came home He came into drive was waving (I was out smoking) and conversation went like this BF: HI (waving like crazy) how are you? ME: Fine (truck pulls up) BF thats OW sons ME: Is he going with you? BF: yes he has been whining so OW brought him to go ME: Good that will be fun BF: well we are taking off (reaches down to give me hug) have a good night ME: we will (d8 and I) We will just be home BF K see you later Me Yep have a great time see you when you get home
I wanted to say Gee nice to spring that up guess you didnt mention he was going! Glad you can take OW kids but you have not seen your kids but a few hours all week due to being with OW tuesday sleeping on couch all night wed and thursday! But nope I kept it up beat smiled did not argue or say anything negative. I would say that is a small 180!!!
