Almost 9 months of DB’ing in the threads above. But I'm not giving up on my marriage and my lovely wife!
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Thanks so very much to all who replied since I posted almost 24 hours ago. I haven't been able to log in until now. Is saw I had 107 posts in Part 11, so I started Part 12. Toots, Rd, Eirinn (twice!), Wonka, PigPen, DifRent, WhyUs and gr8ful3 all posted since my last post. As usual, I am overwhelmed by your support. Encouragement, advice, humor (very funny Rd!), concern and your time come to mind quickly. Wonka and all, I agree with you 100% -- no contacting my W for 4 weeks aka “no poking the bear” LOL. But something business-related came up yesterday, and I had no choice but to contact her. Here's why...
Disclaimer - Business Only (LOL!) I texted my W last night to ask if we could discuss our townhouse. I was approved yesterday for a much lower monthly payment mortgage, but since we are in the process of a D, she would have to sign a Quit Claim Deed to get her name off the title. Standard stuff. Then, I could afford (I already checked with several banks) both the mortgage/home equity and they would about the same as my current mortgage - maybe even a little less and have the funds to buy my W out.
Texts:
Me: "I need to speak with you about our townhouse. Do you have any time tonight to discuss it? Are you feeling up to it?"
Wife: "What did you want to talk about specifically ? I'm not trying to be difficult, I'm just want to know so that I know exactly what to consider before we talk. Thanks."
Me: "I completely understand, I would never think you were asking because you were trying to be difficult. I believe I found a way to have enough money to buy you out. But it's a little too complicated to go back-and-forth with in texts. Does that help, at least a little bit, W?"
Wife: "Yes, I am curious. I can try to call you tonight. I can't talk for long or agree to anything over the phone, you understand that don't you?"
She eventually called me, said "Hello" and then mentioned she "didn't feel too well." I asked her if she would like to speak another time. She said, "No, it is ok." So, I explained the details to her, she listened and thought it was a good idea, but that she had to run it by her L first. Of course, I let her know that she should. I stuck to the subject (Yay Bob!) and I mentioned I had to go. She agreed, but asked how I was doing. I said "Fine, but I had an overnight stay in the hospital a few weeks ago." (I am not sure I ever posted that here.) I said "dehydration" and she mentioned how it can creep up on you and was glad I was better. I thanked her and then she gave me a quick update on her children.
As we were about to hang up, W said, "You are a sweet guy. I hope you meet someone nice." I said, "Thank you." And we hung up.
A "sweet guy" she is divorcing. The part that hurt was "I hope you meet someone nice." I know, I know, believe nothing they say....that includes compliments as well. I know it's mind reading, but MAYBE she was taking my pulse to see if I have moved on.
All I can do it what we all agree about on this board. Keep sticking to the DB principles and keep working on myself. I can't control my W, and as much as it hurts, if she is truly happier without me, I've decided I will be happy for her. Isn't that what TRUE love really is?
I have been terrible lately at checking in on my friends here - so sorry. I am so busy and caught up in my sitch.
Peace to all.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hi Bob. Well done mate. Perfect. And the bit about you finding someone I would take it with a pinch of salt If she's genuine then fair enough and if she's temp checking , so what.
You are absolutely correct. How are you? I may not get to your thread until tomorrow. I am GALing after work today. I’ll see if I can get caught up on yours soon.
You are such a good man. Thank you, mate!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bob, good for you with the 'thank you' to your W - that was Mr Restrained & I'm proud of you! Great that you may have a house plan - removes some pressure and shows you are moving forward, which is great.
Have a good weekend....and no giving your number to queues of ladies okay??
xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Don't worry about the W's words. Keep the focus on you - good for you having a plan for buying her out. I hope you have great GAL plans lined up for this weekend!
Take care - hugs!
M: 50 W: 47 No kids together M: 10 T: 11 BD #1: 12/14 R #1: 7/15 BD #2: 1/18 D Filed: 6/18/18 D Final: 01/28/19 Currently still in-house
Hey Bob just stopping by to check on you. Your W could be testing to see where you are in the process.
Hey Teach,
Thank you very much for stopping by. It is possible, sure. Of course, we both know that mind-reading can get us into “trouble,” but I really appreciate the encouraging thought!
I hope things are going better for you. You are just one of many people I hope to catch up on tomorrow.
I give you my word I haven’t forgotten about you.
PMA!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bob, good for you with the 'thank you' to your W - that was Mr Restrained & I'm proud of you! Great that you may have a house plan - removes some pressure and shows you are moving forward, which is great.
Have a good weekend....and no giving your number to queues of ladies okay??
Hello Dearest Toots!
Aw, you are just too kind!! We are part of the “Mutual Admiration Club.” I am always proud of how you conduct yourself. You made my day . . . except . . . the comment about the phone numbers. LOL LOL Very funny and, kidding aside, great advice.
I must admit I did feel like I kept my composure, and making plans about buying her out does show I’m moving on. Great point!
As I wrote to Teach, I hope things are going better for you. You are just one of many people I hope to catch up on tomorrow.
xoxo
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Don't worry about the W's words. Keep the focus on you - good for you having a plan for buying her out. I hope you have great GAL plans lined up for this weekend!
Take care - hugs!
WBM,
You’re absolutely correct – I shouldn’t, and now am not, worrying about my W’s words. I truly appreciate the kind sentiment about my plan to buy W out of our townhome. It means a lot to me that you mentioned that.
I have big GAL plans tonight (a concert) and Sunday (a BBQ). Possibly a little Saturday, but I promised myself I’d make time for all my friends on this board Saturday and you are certainly one of them! Thanks for asking about my plans.
As I wrote to Teach and Toots, I hope things are going better for you.
Do you have any GAL plans for the weekend?
Hang in there WBM. Although I lose my way sometimes and get frustrated, I am living proof that a PMA helps during a crisis like this. Of course, having this loving “family” behind you helps, too.
*Hugs*
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
