PigPen's Dropped Rope - WAW and Waiting (4)

[Sotto]

Pigpen, I'm sorry to hear that. Now, this may be a daft question - but is there any legal position on this? Clearly if your dog was a child there would be....but I'm not sure whether the law assists at all in the case of much loved pets.

[PigPen]

Pigpen, I'm sorry to hear that. Now, this may be a daft question - but is there any legal position on this? Clearly if your dog was a child there would be....but I'm not sure whether the law assists at all in the case of much loved pets.

Hi Toots,

Unfortunately, he is considered property. I'm not sure the legalities of it other than that. Judges won't force joint custody for a pet either. I believe the parties can agree joint custody but not have it awarded.

This is a tough one. I believe we'll both give him a great home. But truthfully, he's lived in my town for years and this is his home. I also have a yard.

I'd also be lying if I said that her leaving me didn't effect this. When she left, I felt like she left both of us. I took care of him and had him sleep with me at night. When I dropped him off before my trip it was with the assumption that I would get him back.

Now that she's settled and happy in her decision I don't automatically stop loving him or want to settle for seeing him twice a year.

PP

[PigPen]

My DB coach told me that this is an opportunity to change her core beliefs about me. He advised relaying the emotions that her email made me feel, as well as standing my ground, but also reiterating that I was open to collaboration, not just making a decision on my own.

PP

[Wonka]

PP,

I read your W's response and my reaction was less than ideal.

Wanted to swing by quickly to tell you that I am thinking of some ways to respond to W's email. I think your DB coach was spot on with his assessment of your sitch.

Right now, I am in the middle of a large proposal that needs to be completed. I trust that our dear friend 25 will swing by soon with her thoughts and offer up some suggestions.

Later on, I'll be back. Right now, there is no need to respond to W's email as this is not an emergency nor require urgent action.

Sit on it. Deliberate over it and we all will come together as a team on how to best respond to W.

[PigPen]

Thank you Wonka, I appreciate the time away from the proposal for your comment. As well as your continued support.

I'll sit on it, as well as draft something up to have when to share with you and 25 when the time is right.

PP

[Vanilla]

PP

Just checking in.

I too agree with Wonka and your DB coach.

I am slightly useful on wording but a little heavy on the dry wit, which won't be useful in your case.

Who paid for woofie?
V

[PigPen]

Hi V,

Thank you for checking in. Woofie was free, we found him together before we got married. Everything else about him was split. He's 50/50.

I'm trying to put this to the side for the moment and focus on other things, but it still upsets me. I know I should be detaching further and GAL'ing but it's difficult when it feels like an equitable solution is so easily dismissed.

I had a feeling my W would be upset as she's not used to me standing up for myself and I (mind reading) imagine she thought I'd be ok with everything due to how cordial I've been throughout the whole separation. I was definitely not a good DB'er when she left.

Big hug,
PP

[PigPen]

Morning Wonka,

I think I'm ready to tackle this. Thinking about it last week took more of my mental attention that I'd like to admit.

The main points (following my DB coach's lead) that I think I should make are:

- a sense of disappointment over the fact that we aren't collaborating on this issue. That there's a win/win option for everyone and it's being overlooked. That's no good at all.

- a sense of anger of the fact that our original agreement has now been changed, and changed when I should be getting woofie back. Two months for each was what we agreed when I left town, now it's 4 months later. This angers me as I don't believe I should have to ask numerous times.

- a sense of manipulation - I feel like the whole conversation about "if we asked him" and "if I just make it easy and agree then maybe I'll get to see him from time to time" doesn't feel good, it truly does feel like I got the longest and friendliest correspondence in months and it's all about giving up woofie.

- the points about why I feel it's best for him to be here if we do have to make a choice: this was his home for three years, I'm on a large property, she's in a condo. He has other dogs here that he knows and plays with everyday.

- not sure if this one is valid, but also that she left him when she left me. I took care of him everyday after BD even though I was a mess myself. I made sure he had food, got played with, went to the park, got his meds, everything. She was living with a friend, going out on the town, and not interested if he was ok. She left our town and him but now wants him back. To me that's selfish.

Those are the points I'd like to get out. I've written a two page reply but know that it was a just a brain dump full of emotion and not so pleasant thoughts as well.

Thanks,
PP

[PigPen]

Going back to basics this week DB'ers. Last week was a bit of a mess dealing with all of this. Again, those of you with kids, my god the strength you must have to deal with this all. I've dreamed of my dog all week.

Basics. Basics. Basics. Today I woke up and meditated. Then ate breakfast. Then journaled. THEN logged onto the internet and started my day.

Went to GAL this weekend, all excited. Some guys took me fishing...unfortunately they parked the boat right off shore from the hotel where I spent the first night of my honeymoon a few years ago. Thank you for that one Universe!

Not to be deterred though, I've committed to not turning down any invitations this week. Lately I've been spending WAY too much time holed up in my apartment being miserable. GAL, GAL, GAL.

Hope everyone has a solid week.

BASICS.

[Wonka]

Morning Wonka,

I think I'm ready to tackle this. Thinking about it last week took more of my mental attention that I'd like to admit.

The main points (following my DB coach's lead) that I think I should make are:

- a sense of disappointment over the fact that we aren't collaborating on this issue. That there's a win/win option for everyone and it's being overlooked. That's no good at all.

- a sense of anger of the fact that our original agreement has now been changed, and changed when I should be getting woofie back. Two months for each was what we agreed when I left town, now it's 4 months later. This angers me as I don't believe I should have to ask numerous times.

- a sense of manipulation - I feel like the whole conversation about "if we asked him" and "if I just make it easy and agree then maybe I'll get to see him from time to time" doesn't feel good, it truly does feel like I got the longest and friendliest correspondence in months and it's all about giving up woofie.

- the points about why I feel it's best for him to be here if we do have to make a choice: this was his home for three years, I'm on a large property, she's in a condo. He has other dogs here that he knows and plays with everyday.

- not sure if this one is valid, but also that she left him when she left me. I took care of him everyday after BD even though I was a mess myself. I made sure he had food, got played with, went to the park, got his meds, everything. She was living with a friend, going out on the town, and not interested if he was ok. She left our town and him but now wants him back. To me that's selfish.

Those are the points I'd like to get out. I've written a two page reply but know that it was a just a brain dump full of emotion and not so pleasant thoughts as well.

Thanks,
PP

Hiya, PP. M'kay...I am ready when you are! Why don't you get started on a draft and post here for some feedback.