Good morning, this is my second thread. If anyone remembers my drama I finally did receive a text from H this morning. He had texted me yesterday that he'd call after lunch and then of course no call or text. I was feeling extremely weak and emotional. My sister and I took our daughters to the Taylor Swift concert, it was a great show, but the whole time I just kept fighting the tears and my mind was going to some very dark places. This morning H texted me "how was the concert". Which is something, but why can't he pick up the phone? In a whole week its been one 3 or 4 word text a day. He claims he is trying to work on the marriage but he is SO disconnected and its been 5 months and I am losing hope. I haven't texted back yet. I guess I should text "good" and leave it at that.
Keep hangin in there. I know it's hard. But the only way to be happy is to BE happy. I hope you have watched the Amy Cuddy TED Talk - it's incredibly inspiring.
Anyway, there are links to success stories in Mozza's thread.
I would answer more enthusiastically - "It was great! We had such a good time!" The advantage with text is that you can sound chipper and cheerful even if you don't feel it.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Thank you, everyone for your support. I am doing really well with GAL. Did have a big slip up yesterday with STFU but it seems to have worked out ok. My mind was wandering a lot, because H hadn't called, and then when he finally did I broke down. He claims he is "trying" to work on the marriage, but doesn't speak to me. I told him that there is too much space and too much quiet in our marriage and I need communication. I said even if it is just to tell me that he needs a quiet day, or he needs more space, just communicate that to me and I will respect that. He always says we are not friends, but if we are to become friends we need to communicate. And whether we stay together or D we need to be friends enough to co-parent the kids.
He said he is taking the time while I am away with the kids to enjoy the quiet, to work on the house because that makes him feel like he is taking care of the family in his way, and he needs the quiet and space right now. I thanked him and told him that made me understand him better and where he is emotionally. And it really did make me feel better. Because my mind was racing, that maybe he is out with his gf, or packing up his stuff and moving out, or in a lawyers office, how am I supposed to know when he doesn't speak to me at all? Anyway, back to STFU for me, and learning how to be less emotional when I do speak. I never realized how emotional I actually am, but now that I am so obsessed with self improvement and my R I am seeing it. Have to work on that detachment. With the kids too, this sibling squabbling is killing me, and reacting to them is not helpful. I am learning, hope its not too late. But I had a GREAT weekend and my kids are having an amazing summer. Life is good, even when its not all good.
He claims he is "trying" to work on the marriage, but doesn't speak to me.
Mine said this exact same thing about a month ago, but it was after I confronted him about lying about ending A. He said he was working on it (not really), but my confrontation made it clear to him there was too big if a hurdle for us to get over. He is still here and still still saying he is not sure. He is doing absolutely zero except acting like I don't exist. Sigh....
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
BW05, I am sorry, isn't this the hardest thing? And I hate DB because I feel like I am playing games, but then again, what else can I do? Reacting to him isn't healthy for me and isn't solving the problem, so I am trying to stick to DB. Its like I have been thrown into an alternate reality. I am so grateful to have found this website, although I am sorry that so many of us are in this same situation.
I forgot to "tell" you all that I had a big success. H's friend, one of his oldest best friends, came out for the day with his kids and we spent the day together (without H)- my family, friends, kids, his friend, and his kids. We had a great time, just hanging out, hiking, went to an outdoor concert and drank sangria and let the kids run wild until past their bedtimes. It was relaxing and fun and I did not say one word to H's friend about H or our problems, just was myself and very happy that day. I was tempted to ask him for help or advice, but then I held back and just went into GAL mode and had fun. I also did that at the In laws house. I sure as heck am not giving anybody a reason to agree with H when he complains about how evil I am - want them all to tell him that I seem happy and normal. Which I am. Struggling with the happy part, but it is still there! I can still appreciate the good things in my life- my kids, friends, good times, etc, even though my heart is broken.
Another good day. Going home tomorrow and will be with H again. I am embarrassed to admit that I really miss him, although I will probably walk home to a robot. I am doing mostly pretty well with a few shocks of unbelievable pain that hit me at random times during the day. Mostly when I am tired. H has been working all week on the house, installed new flooring in my 9yr old sons room and built in closets in all 3 kids rooms. He has been busy in a good way, taking care of the kids in his way. That is good, right?
