I can't say I can understand all of what is going on with you. But I can sympathize with you and your troubles. I understand what it means to have that unconditional love for someone.
I've been continually hoping someone with more experience would come in here to really help you here. I just don't have the skills to really give you the advice you really need!
But, I can help with the little things. The first step is figuring out what you WANT. What are your goals here. For YOU. Until you have your goals set, how will you ever know if you are progressing?
Matt777 I appreciate any and all help you can give me. It helps knowing someone understands the unconditional love because all of my friends/support says I should just walk away and I deserve better. I agree I deserve better but I will not walk away from my family and the one person I have loved since I was 16! I am hoping some vets will come on here sooner or later just to help me understand his behavior and how i can provide him consequences. I also need help learning about what to do/how to deal with the words vs actions from him. Goals! What do I want???? I feel overwhelmed by my low mood, lack of motivation, and continual attention to saving this marriage. I feel like i spend more time on here reading threads and the book than I do even looking at my kids. I feel like they have been on the very back burner and are growing fast. I have become consumed by my own problems. It makes me feel like a terrible parent. so goals! 1. more meaningful time with the kids 2. increased mood stability/control/feel happier 3. better sleep wake schedule (this will help tremendously) 4. stress management 5. weight loss 6. increased motivation 7. organization ( i used to be very organized and now I can barely get what has to be done done) 8. anger management 9. GAL 10 Detatch 11. quit smoking (again) 12. work on control issues (one of his biggest complaints is i have my finger on every thing i unfortunatly agree) 13. money management/saving 14. saying NO 15. boundaries 16. do more things for myslef and stop worrying about him and what he is doing 17. learning independence I rely to much on people I am not confident about anything 18. find a new job 19. Journaling daily 20. SAVE MY MARRIAGE HELP HIM END HIS AFFAIR!!!!
I would also love to find the missing piece to my life I am not sure if it is religion I feel like I am missing or what I just do not feel whole. I would also like to study/learn about mindfullness!
Ok. That's a great list. But some of them need refining. Think about exactly what you want. In other words....how can you MEASURE them. You say you want to GAL. How will you know if you have succeeded?
So for these, see if you can come up with things you can do that you can MEASURE and that you can ACHIEVE.
Also, you DO deserve better. But if it comes from the person you I've, that's the best reward. it won't be easy, but if you succeed in HALF of what you listeD ABOVE, then you'll be successful with or without your BF.
Well I am not sure what to think today! He did not come home last night stayed with OW of course I failed text all night and got ignored my own fault! This morning I again pursued and text and called trying to find out if I needed to watch his daughter tonight at races! I asked why he was ignoring me he said because him and OW were at OUR house working on the racecar I help pay for! At first I felt rage asked if she was at the house we agreed that wouldn't happen then I just instantly switched! Will me yelling bring us closer or further! So as I turn the corner to come home they are leaving with car! I call and im sure it sounded fake and forces but i cheerfully asked how his day was said I would bring his bank card to races so he had money and told him good luck I hope U have a great night! It was a complete 180 I am sure he expected I would call raging mad but I didn't! That is the only thing I am proud of! Does the walk away wife apply to men too? What is with this behavior he has NEVER stayed with her except New Years and his bday now he stays all weekend!??? She has never come to the house that I know of and suddenly this time he tells me and leaves before I even get home? Is he testing me due to me not initiating pursuing? Why this durastic change from him? Is he trying to see how far he can push? HELP ME PLEASE! I don't want to give up but he is making this extremely hard!
Back at it today! Have not called or sent a message! In fact im so hurt by his decision I don't know if I want to talk to him! Could really use some advice!
I get home from 12 hours of work he is sleeping on the couch while d7 and d8 are playing! I asked him to make dinner as he did NO housework at all this weekend as he stayed at a friends house with OW! He was supposed to meet me with D8 at my job so I could take her to fair he never showed and didn't answer! When I got home I started laundry cleaning and making dinner and got girls in shower he wakes up asks how I am i say fine he says whatever im not arguing with you! Umm idk how to even react! Then we meet in hallway I step to side tell him to go he says same and I tell him again to go ahead! We walks past me and calls me a stupid a**! I'm not even sure what is goin on here! He is nice at fair on Thursday lays with me friday doesn't come home all weekend or talk to me except to ask for money and now he is disrespecting me and hurtful! When I first stopped pursuing at beginning of week he responded positive now he is just being mean for no reason? What is going on! I need help before I lose my self control!
