Hi Teach, I am just reading your situation now. I had a question for you- you said your H is depressed and your coach recommended some books. Did you read them? Were they helpful? If you could recommend any to me I would read them. My husband is depressed too, he is on antidepressants and I think they are starting to work. Its taken some trial and error, increasing a dosage, adding a second antidepressant, but I think it is making a difference although he still is very angry with me.
The appointment went great, even though my H looked like a 5 year old about to get a shot!
They took blood and he actually talked about being angry and feeling out of sorts. The doc is going to get back the results in a couple of days and then discuss what needs to be done.
He mentioned low T could be a factor. I agree it could be, but I don't know how comfortable I would be with my H running around with higher T and a MLC attitude. LOL!
H is leaving in the morning to go back to work. He knows how nervous I am about him leaving. He is trying everything he can to reassure me that he isn't going to flip the switch on me, but I'm still worried.
H said he was open to looking into some different options to make our relationship stronger. I just need to find the right fit for us. I don't want us to ever be in that dark place again.
We had some good meaningful conversations and he says he is committed our relationship and working with me to transition into the next phase of our marriage but I know this is going to be a process and it doesn't have an easy fix. It will take some effort and willingness to explore different ideas.
My personal goals are to keep GAL and reconnect with the person I use to be. I'm going to keep working on myself and try to be the example of "change" in our relationship.
Thank you! I read the Terrance Real book, I will check out the other two. Good luck with the dr. appointment. And keep in mind that it takes several weeks for antidepressants to kick in, and sometimes they aren't the right ones, or the right dosage, so be patient.
Photoka's reminders on anti-depressants is a good one, and the reason that it is best done by a psychiatrist, as it is a bit of an art to figure out which one(s) will work with which patients.
Real's other book, which is on couples is also excellent: How Can I Get Through to You. It is very in tune with the patriarchal cultural socialization that screws up both boys/men and girls/women and causes havoc in out adult relationships.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Hi Teach, I'm glad the appointment went well. It sounds like your H is working hard to reconnect and show you that he wants to work with you. I'm thrilled to hear that you are keeping your expectations low and are continuing to work on you.
You go, girl!
E
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Thank you for the book recommendation. I'm going to get it.
I agree about the anti-depressants and if that's the route the doc recommends we will discuss it in depth. My H has never taken any kind of meds. He hates to take asprin.
I'm happy to hear the appointment went well. I was LOL because of the way you described your H.
Gotta run for now...just wanted to stop by and let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hang in there!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
So results came back yesterday. Everything looks good but his T is low...reminds me of all the commercials I see on TV! LOL!
So, doc is recommending a sleep study since H snores like crazy. He said better sleep can help regulate hormones. Doc also wants H to lose about 20 pounds and cut alcohol and then retest blood.
I think its good that the doc wants to try these steps before just prescribing meds.
