In the UK - need help (PT8)

[Huddy]

Hi Smoothy

Barriers. When do you hurdle over them and when do you stop at them? Hmmm....more research needed.

GAL activity after work last night. Lots of beer and food and then back home on the bus. I had told W the day before I would be out. W had waited up in the main bedroom as she made rustling noises when I got back.

Today has been very calm again. W has been to work and then when she came home briefly for something to eat, sat beside me. That hasn't happened for months. Noticed that letters she sent to me from the L have 'gone' from where I had put them. Can't find them anywhere, so I guess W has destroyed them. Most odd.

[Pyrite]

I feel H puts up barriers just to remind me where we are at.

This sounds like d2 &d4 being dragged screaming to something but only really pretending because they really DO want to be going there. The screaming is just stubbornness, refusal to admit that maybe they were wrong. Interestingly if I just give up and say OK if you dont want to then we won't do "it". Thats when a 4 year old will backflip and easily admit that "No I want to". Adults are more obstinate. Even d4 goes back and fourth though. So we resume our path and she's starts screaming again. "but you just told me you want to go there". OK stop. resume. Stop. resume. i'm counting to 5 d4.

unfortunately grown ups are trickier. More screwed up really.

[Pyrite]

Easy goes Huddy. "I hadn't noticed" attitude. when was last contact with the wicked witch (SIL)? any news there from command central?

[Huddy]

Hi Py

There's another thing I've noticed in the last week. There is a lot less traffic between W and SIL and W has been leaving her mobile phone all over the place instead of in her pocket.

Week 15, by the way!

This morning, I got up with kids and let W stay in bed. When W came down, she made light conversation and was talking about the new setee (couch/sofa) and how it would get damaged in the sun etc. 'let's close the curtains so the light doesn't damage it' - that's the same piece of furniture she couldn't care less about just four weeks ago.

No expectations. W has to make the first move, right? Sandi2/Cadet are you around?

[Pyrite]

H, maybe take a look at Smothy's thread. Wonka pointed her towards Train's threads (linked therein). might be worthwhile for you. I would say definitely let her make the first move, step back, let her move forward. I can't say this has ever been the case for me, but I can imagine that she would get her back up straight away and IF she has made any real progress towards realising who is really on her side and who is just playing "the misery loves company card", she will run straight back to them.

i suspect it is liking coaxing a kitten out from undertake car. If you screw it up the firs time it makes the second time even harder. take it easy. you can always DO, but not so easy to UNDO.

-Py

[Huddy]

Hi Py

Yes, that makes sense. W is off to MIL for two weeks with the kids at the end of the week, so I reckon that will be a 'make or break' time for her.

[NDY]

You're being quiet mate. Everything ok?

[Huddy]

Hi NDY

Nothing really to add. Still reading the book and putting stuff in place. For example, we have had a viewer at the house today and W texted me at work to tell me. No kisses or anything, so I responded with 'I guess you're making the house look good, do you want me to walk home?'. A non confrontational, appreciative of her efforts text. Got a reply as 'no, I will get you. It's hard doing the place up with the kids. You can take them out'.

OK, not exactly the loving words I want to hear, but better than no communication or the bile/spewfest of recent weeks. It's only a week since she said she was dropping the L, so I can't expect miracles overnight, right?

[NDY]

Sounds like progress to me mate. Baby steps and all that. Keep the PMA up at all times. From what I've learned here this confuses the WAS. Sounds like you're doing good.

[Pyrite]

hey H,

My 2 cents - GAL big time. while she is "on the fence" seeing you GALing might just prompt her to take another step forward, towards you. You're doing well mate. Keep it up.

-Py