drop the rope- part III

[roist]

Happy birthday Z.

[Elly4]

Happy birthday, Z! Make sure you do go to that brewery. You deserve it!

E

ps. when you feel that your patience is disappearing, make sure to stop by here so we can help fill it up for you.

Hugs

[roist]

Hope you raised a glass for us too! I updated in reply to you so I guess it is your turn.....

[Zephyr]

OK, my turn.

this week is a short one. we got back from Michigan on sunday and heat to Wisconsin Friday AM. Wife, S13 & I to go hang out with friends for the weekend. My S10 is with my folks.

Didn't plan any new GAL this week, just gym visits and guitar on Thursday. BUT...have a ton to do around the house so I really don't have much time for anything else with being out of town three weekends in a row.

The holiday went well, with the only exception the interaction between my mom and wife. mom was being overbearing and wife was not having it. I tried to validate those complaints from wife, but didn't mediate. I will have to see if it worth a sit down with my mom to mention how much of a pain in the A$$ she can really be . It was beautiful weather and had lots of fun!

I got some nice birthday presents from the wife and the kids. they made special trips to couple of different stores to find some cool stuff for me! was very taken back how much time was spent finding so many different things, for training, for gaming and for general purpose. Wife said they even spend like 1/2 hour trying to pick out a card. I was really happy with them.

I have been thinking about the gift giving thing a lot lately. I have been absolutely floored how much the thoughtful gifts my wife has gotten me since Xmas have moved me. My whole life I never felt like that at all. Have I really been that empty inside disregarding those presents that were well thought out and given from the heart...never gave it much though and never had any impact on me. So this is a change in me, and I like it I continue to show absolute appreciation for those gifts I receive and I will continue to give without expectations myself. (maybe gifts isn't my way down the list #5 on the 5LL chart afterall, maybe I just never took them as such, who knows).

Another item I wanted to throw out there that has been bugging my mind a little. My wife has shown some real irritation towards me when I address her with a name like mommy or momma when not with the children. She said that it has been bothering her a lot lately. So I have absolutely been trying not to address her as such at all...I HEARD HER . But what is it that is bugging her about it?

She still calls me daddy in front of the kids and dog and sometimes just in general. Is it a thing with MY mother that pi$$es her off or is it part of the identity crisis part of her internal issues? I've even seen twinges of anger when I had called her an old pet name from High School that I've used for 25 years. again, I've really cut down on that too, has slipped a couple of times...but making sure to make a conscious effort to put into action what she does not want to hear from me.

in regards to the name thing, she does call me honey, baby or babe all the time...but I also here her call others the same...like the kids or her friends so it is not especially endearing to hear from her. it does bug me a little to hear her call her cousin honey and then turn around and use it to address me. IDK why that bugs me...it is just a little bit.

that's all for now. hope you all have a great week ahead. I will keep reading between stops this weekend.

Thanks again for reading and supporting and helping me keep my sanity.

[Sotto]

Hi Zephyr, I think calling someone Momma when they aren't with the kids could evoke a reaction of - I'm only seen as Mum.....not W, GF, sexy independent woman - just Mum.

There's also something for me about putting the kids first to the detriment of the marital R. When I hear a W say to her H 'Daddy - what do you think of that' - It grates with me now and think uh oh, heading for trouble. To me, it's really important for us to maintain our own identity and nurture our R as a couple.

I think it's fine to call someone Daddy when the kids are around - particularly if they are smaller. But I think morphing into calling them Daddy at other times probably isn't a great idea..

JMHO - I'm not a parent myself BTW, but I have been a step-parent...

[Elly4]

Hi Zephyr, I'm glad the holiday went well for you, and IMHO validating your wife, but not mediating was the perfect solution in that situation.

In regards to the Mommy thing, it would bug me too. Toots, summed it up well up above. I give a lot to my s and poor a lot of energy in raising him well. I do not want to be called mom when he's not around. I was an individual before he was born and I am still an individual.

Does that make sense?

E

[Zephyr]

Eirinn & Toots

THANK YOU!!! This does give me some better insight.
well damn. one more thing to add to the list of things to be mindful of.

[Fogg]

I wouldn't best yourself up about the gift giving too much,it's just how we see things differently. People show love through the 5LL that we may not even consider. My W did quite a bit of acts of service and I never seen it as her showing me love until now. It just wasn't my primary LL so I didn't understand at the time.

[Elly4]

Zephyr, the list of mindfulness does get awfully long sometimes, doesn't it?

[roist]

Only you can judge the interactions between W and your mother. But from how you described it you handled it pretty well. Validating with W is one thing but standing up for her could show her again that she is the most imp person in your life. I don't mean fight her battles for her or to take sides categorically but saying something to mother afterwards (even now) could be a good thing. You may feel better and won't harm W opinion of you. This is just my opinion and as often here is tinged with how I would think n the same position.