WAW Filed for D the Next Day Part 11 (Bob)

[Bob723]

Bob, I would go with V's reply as you really want to head more towards the NC so that you are not being emotionally jerked around everytime you start feeling level again. Taking the high road, validating, and the walking away.

I'm so sorry about this for you, bro.

Take care, and gratz on the pony win!

Hello Eirinn,

How is it that you always bring a smile to my face. I'm not kidding!

I do want to head toward NC....honestly. You summed up perfectly what I was trying to explain (probably not very well) to Cadet.

I think about you and your sitch daily and feel sorry about all you're going thru, too.

And, thank you for the congratulations on my "pony win." It was a fun day.

All the best to you, sis, I mean E!

Many hugs and positive thoughts to you.

Bob

[Bob723]

Also, with no expectations

Can I ask WHY you feel the need to send these messages?
What are you trying to accomplish with them?

Are you asking me Cadet?

I was saying that Bob shouldn't have any expectations coming from the fact that his wife's TM was relatively positive in comparison to the ones that he has received.

Should he not reply to a direct question about logistics?

Hi PigPen (again)!

I believe Cadet was asking me why I want to reply to my W and what I am trying to accomplish with the replies. My guess (please correct me if I'm wrong Cadet) is that he quoted your "no expectations" because he feels that replying to my W hurts my chance to truly detach and he probably thought you had a good point. He was bringing that comment (a good one by you) to my attention. That's my take on it.

I'm truly overwhelmed at times by how much you all care about me.

Thanks again buddy.

Cheers!

Bob

[gr8ful3]

Bob,

Just getting caught up and wanted to say I'm sorry for all you are going through. It seems that you are getting great advice and assistance from the BEST of the best. I was so thankful to Wonka for her assistance two weeks ago. And I really like what Cadet has said in his recent posts to you, along with all the others who care so much about you.

I will continue to check in with your sitch. As for mine, I'm standing still right now. Detaching as much as possible. Taking my time and being patient.


May God's grace be with you Bob. Hang in there.

Gr8ful

[Bob723]

Hello Gr8ful,

It's so nice to hear from you. I'm about to head off-line as I'm getting really tired and need to get up early for work. I was in someone else's thread, and noticed you posted in mine. I had to see what you took the time to post.

You are right on about Wonka, Cadet and all the others. They are amazing. I haven't forgotten about you, I've just been mostly dealing with my sitch and GAL activities. I'm glad to hear that you are taking your time and being patient. I hope to catch up on your sitch tomorrow.

May God's grace be with you, too, Gr8ful. Please hang in there! We will get thru this together.

Your friend,

Bob

[gr8ful3]

Hey Bob glad your heading off to get some sleep. I'll be doing the same shortly. I'm sorry I don't have any more words of wisdom for what is going on with your M. But I think you are coming to a point where you are starting to feel like you have value and should not be taken for granted. I think this is very important and will help you get through this.

Stay strong!

[Sotto]

No time to post, but I would work more on that reply! I like the start and the fact it's brief. And I like the idea of validating, but just feel the validating bit needs more work....if I get chance I'll post later - but maybe wait until a vet drops by!

x

[Cadet]

I believe Cadet was asking me why I want to reply to my W and what I am trying to accomplish with the replies. My guess (please correct me if I'm wrong Cadet) is that he quoted your "no expectations" because he feels that replying to my W hurts my chance to truly detach and he probably thought you had a good point. He was bringing that comment (a good one by you) to my attention. That's my take on it.

Yes - Bob
PP gave you good advice!

1. Be polite by letting W know the new date of 7/15 is ok. Even though she "fired" me as her H on 10/20/14 I want to be a better person than I was when this all started. In the beginning, I probably wouldn't have been polite because I was so angry at her.

2. Validating her feelings so if there is even a 1% chance of us reconciling, I leave the road home paved smoothly.

I do not expect W to change her mind, but this is a new part of me (validating) and we have such little contact as it is. W seemed like she was being honest about "missing me" yet "not being able to live like we did" so I thought a validating reply couldn't hurt either her or me--as long as I have no expectations. Truly, I don't. But, presuming the D goes thru, I want to know I did everything possible to save our M.

Bob - keeping the road home paved and smooth - does not mean that you have to pave the road with GOLD bricks for her to follow the yellow brick road.
I think you do that(keep the road home paved) more with actions than words.
Paving the way is NOT pursuing.

What do Bob's actions say?

See to me, being a light house means standing straight and true, not running all over the island trying to attract the ships.

I know this is hard stuff Bob, also in the big scheme of things it will not make or break your marriage.
I think showing your changes - that you are strong and will be OK with or without MRS. Bob is what will keep the road home paved.

[Wonka]

Cadet,

I don't understand your questions. Bob isn't initiating those texts...he is RESPONDING to W's texts about logistics. He just can't ignore them for they do need to coordinate stuff.

Bob,

I would change V's version slightly:

Or...another draft:

"Yes, 7/15 is fine. I can understand your reasons for leaving now why you left, we can't live like we did before."

Very short and to the point.

V

I would say this instead:

Yes, 7/15 is fine. I am sorry that you feel this way. Take care and have a good day.

Say nothing about "understanding her reasons for leaving" because:

1) You really don't at all
2) Why continue to "reinforce" that notion in her head??
3) Her leaving is ALL on her

[Aj8]

Hi Bob,

I like Wonkas reply the best, why validate her words/feelings all the time, she's seen the changes in you to know things "won't be like before"

[Cadet]

Yes, 7/15 is fine. I am sorry that you feel this way. Take care and have a good day.

Say nothing about "understanding her reasons for leaving" because:

1) You really don't at all
2) Why continue to "reinforce" that notion in her head??
3) Her leaving is ALL on her

OK - you said it better.
I probably would just say:

Yes 7/15 is fine.

Of course I dont usually say too much.