WAW Filed for D the Next Day Part 11 (Bob)

[PigPen]

I agree with V Bob, her text packs the most punch with the shortest reply. It validates your W's feelings but doesn't then sabotage that validation by mentioning anything about the future. It also doesn't give your W an opportunity to even think something along any other lines.

If you had kept "we can't live like we did before", she has the opportunity to think "well that will never happen" or "you're right we can't since blah blah blah" or anything else. It's an opener for her.

V's message is simply, "that date works, here's some validation and nothing else." BAM!

I vote V's message.

Also, with no expectations since your W's texts have a history of lashing out a bit, I view her message to you as a positive one. She's telling the truth - she cares about you, but she can't go back to living the same way. Both to me sound like honest statements, one is still currently overshadowing the other. As of now she thinks her only option is to go back to how things were. That may still take some time and hard work on your part (working on yourself) to overcome.

Cheers my friend, this is a good day. Breathe on it, enjoy it, and then let it go. Back to the program for you tomorrow.

PP

[WBM]

Bob,

It looks like you are in good hands with the vets advice on your response. I hope that you are doing well, after the tough day that you had several days ago.

As always, prayers and hugs for my kindered spirit!

[Cadet]

Also, with no expectations

Can I ask WHY you feel the need to send these messages?
What are you trying to accomplish with them?

[DifRent]

Bob, the short and sweet texts are best. And it's funny that I say this from my perch, because when I want to text or email, I want to go on and on and on...

Cadet asks some good questions. But if I were to answer "why" I felt the need to send the texts, it would be because I want to somehow influence an outcome for which I am to have no expectations. Ugh... truth, but ugh...

hugs and prayers for you, Bob!

[Elly4]

Bob, I would go with V's reply as you really want to head more towards the NC so that you are not being emotionally jerked around everytime you start feeling level again. Taking the high road, validating, and the walking away.

I'm so sorry about this for you, bro.

Take care, and gratz on the pony win!

E

[PigPen]

Also, with no expectations

Can I ask WHY you feel the need to send these messages?
What are you trying to accomplish with them?

Are you asking me Cadet?

I was saying that Bob shouldn't have any expectations coming from the fact that his wife's TM was relatively positive in comparison to the ones that he has received.

Should he not reply to a direct question about logistics?

[Bob723]

I agree with V Bob, her text packs the most punch with the shortest reply. It validates your W's feelings but doesn't then sabotage that validation by mentioning anything about the future. It also doesn't give your W an opportunity to even think something along any other lines.

If you had kept "we can't live like we did before", she has the opportunity to think "well that will never happen" or "you're right we can't since blah blah blah" or anything else. It's an opener for her.

Also, with no expectations since your W's texts have a history of lashing out a bit, I view her message to you as a positive one. She's telling the truth - she cares about you, but she can't go back to living the same way. Both to me sound like honest statements, one is still currently overshadowing the other. As of now she thinks her only option is to go back to how things were. That may still take some time and hard work on your part (working on yourself) to overcome.

Hi PigPen,

Thank you for taking your valuable time, buddy, to explain it such great detail. You have many valid points! I think I mentioned this to you yesterday or the day before, but I'll mention it again: You are an amazing writer. I hope your dream of becoming a writer comes true someday. I'm no expert, but you sure seem to be extremely good at it.

Of all the valid points you made, I agree with these the most:

1. V's message is simply, "that date works, here's some validation and nothing else." BAM!
2. She's telling the truth - she cares about you, but she can't go back to living the same way.

I felt the same way about V's edited version of my message, and I also truly believe my W (point 2 above) like you do.

At this point, it's almost exactly 10:00 PM here. so I will wait until tomorrow to send the message. I'll keep working to be a "Better Bob."

PP, you help so many others on this board. You are a blessing to us and I hope things improve for you soon. You are working so hard and deserve it!

Thanks again buddy. Cheers!

Bob

[Bob723]

Hi WBM,

Thanks for the encouragement, my kindred spirit!

Catch up with you soon.

**hugs**

Bob

[Bob723]

Also, with no expectations

Can I ask WHY you feel the need to send these messages?
What are you trying to accomplish with them?

Hi Cadet,

You ask me a great question (like you usually do)! I know a few days ago I was leaning towards NC at all, to help me really detach. In this case, I hope to accomplish 2 things:

1. Be polite by letting W know the new date of 7/15 is ok. Even though she "fired" me as her H on 10/20/14 I want to be a better person than I was when this all started. In the beginning, I probably wouldn't have been polite because I was so angry at her.

2. Validating her feelings so if there is even a 1% chance of us reconciling, I leave the road home paved smoothly.

I do not expect W to change her mind, but this is a new part of me (validating) and we have such little contact as it is. W seemed like she was being honest about "missing me" yet "not being able to live like we did" so I thought a validating reply couldn't hurt either her or me--as long as I have no expectations. Truly, I don't. But, presuming the D goes thru, I want to know I did everything possible to save our M.

Does that make any sense?

Thanks again, Cadet.

Bob

[Bob723]

Bob, the short and sweet texts are best. And it's funny that I say this from my perch, because when I want to text or email, I want to go on and on and on...

Cadet asks some good questions. But if I were to answer "why" I felt the need to send the texts, it would be because I want to somehow influence an outcome for which I am to have no expectations. Ugh... truth, but ugh...

Hey DifRent,

I agree with all you had to say. Well, I will sleep on it as it's about 10:20 PM by me. Thank you for the advice and good comments.

Thank you also for stopping by, and the hugs and prayers. Back at you!

Bob