Interesting day for me. A couple of weeks ago i went to a birthday party and left after I felt made uncomfortable by one of the guest. I knew this guy as he's my friend XH. Today his XW (my friend) told me that on that day he was laughing at me as I had been cheated on. I was fuming but as I was on my way to yoga, I didn't want to spoil it, and was pleased how I dealt with it. I saw my H tonight and I showed him the text. He first tried to make sense about the text, but added that if it was true his friend had no right to do what he did. Then he added that there was 2 sides to a story as HE is friend with this guy and I'm friend with his XW. My H told me not to be bothered about it, and gave me tips how to interact with his friend next time something again like this happens again. He validated my point of view when I said how rude it was of his friend to make fun of me, and my H said again he had no right to do that. Even if it doesn't seem important what his friend did to me, I feel happy that my H, even in no such words, condamned his friend behaviour. Maybe there is hope that my H's feelings for me aren't completely gone.
How do you control your fear? H says that he's going away with male friends abroad and that one of them is paying for him! I know you can have great friend, but I'm not too sure about them paying for you to go away for a long weekend. What if he is going with OW, or maybe a new OW? I know I don't need him but I still want him! Doubts are really playing with my mind now! When do you know it's over? When do you know that there is no hope left? If describe myself as not being intuitive at all. If I didn't see the signs of him having an affair, how am I suppose to see anything saying it's over. People say listen to your guts feeling but I feel really stupid but saying that but I don't think I have any gut feelings!
Pimouse don't beat yourself up for not being intuitive. My H had an affair several years back and I was clueless until OW H called and told me. I felt like a fool but then I realized I didn't need to carry any kind of guilt for his selfish actions.
If you feel like you can't trust your gut...start a journal about your sitch. Let it flow. You will find your voice and your true feelings about all of this.
Today was my birthday: one of the big 0!, but don't really feel my age. I spent a great day with my friends & my girls. One thing I found really funny, I have been with my husband for 10 years, and got a happy birthday text one day earlier:-)! It really made my laugh yesterday! Also it was before 7am, my H is never up before 9/10 am at the weekend when he isn't working! That was so funny too! I wasn't expecting anything from him, so I was pleased to get his message. One of my friend said he only did it to keep the peace as I'm still in our marital house. Another one said that her XH of 5 years still wishes her happy birthday! That might be true but that was nice of him (or could it be guilt?).
Everyone commented how well I look, and how I seem to move on with my life. I told them that I have no choice not to be strong as I have two young lady who need their mummy, but that doesn't mean that inside I'm not hurt! May I be sending the wrong message to H that I have moved on,and don't want him back? When in reality I still love him, and want him back. I realise I don't need him, but want him.
Can't believe that I dreamt about him and her! It was so bad that it woke me up. I'm finding it hard to let go as I think about the situation I am in everyday! Why can't I let go? Why can't I realise that whatever I do, he has made his choice that he isn't coming back! Gosh that really hurts!
Why can't I realise that whatever I do, he has made his choice that he isn't coming back!
Pi - You don't KNOW this. You never thought he'd leave and he did. So how can you KNOW he's never coming back. Their "relationship" is built on a foundation of secrecy, lies, and forbiddenness - more than likely, it won't survive actual life. So, instead of worrying about him, try try try try to keep focusing on you and your kids. Become the most attractive Pimouse possible.
I know he is no longer with her. I also know that once he has made his mind up there is no coming back. He decided to cut his ties with his dad about a year ago, and to this day he hasn't had any contact with him! We have been physically separated for 4 months now, and I reckon that he emotionally checked out on our marriage two years ago, so I can't really see a reconciliation. Also I saw a text he wrote to his sister, when I first found out about his alleged infidelity and confronted him, saying that his marriage is all but finished! That's when we decided to separate but he was still in the house. At the time he lied about the affair, and I thought that I could save this marriage, but now I am not so sure! He came tonight looking awful after his weekend away, but brought something back for the girls. He didn't stay long, and hardly spoke to me. I'm ready to give up as I'm really hurt, and really think I can't save my marriage. Feeling so sad :-(
I know how hard it is! Especially to be parenting young kids with an MLCer. You want the very best for your kids. I have found I can only control the kind of mom I want to be.
Part of what helped move me forward is my kids. At first I practiced a positive mental attitude for them. But then, as I kept it up I started to really feel it! And sometimes, now when I joke, even cranky H cracks a smile.
One of the things that I did opposite was to take ALL pressure off my husband when it came to the kids. And, hard as it was, I did it with a smile on my face. The more I took off his plate, the more he started to put back on. Since I wasn't nagging, guilting, passive aggressive, I assume he decided to be a dad because HE wanted to do so!
If your kids are old enough be ready to answer their questions about him. Think carefully of how to handle this.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
I had a good day today. I woke up wanting to put my wedding ring back on, and did it. I was able to put it on without thinking of doing it in a manipulative way to get H back. I feel at peace wearing it.
I saw my C who said I made good progress, and has decided that we will need one more last session. I wanted to say thank you everyone as your help here has allowed me look deep inside, and to make these progress. I know it's going to be a long road, but my C feels that I'm well into healing.
Dark cloud is my H visit. I worked late, so he looked after the girls. He was very cold and very sharp. Don't think I can carry on with his cold, kind of superior attitude towards me. We have problem with the sell of the house, and he said he'll discuss it with the estate agent ( I quote: I have an idea how to deal with it), but wouldn't let me know what he intend to do!
