Yup, it stands for Rising Above It - II

[RAI]

Hi everyone,

letting go off the anger was me seeing the wrongs I did in our marriage. I than made a list with some notes. I sat W down a few months ago and told her how very sorry I was for my wrongs and asked her to forgive me. Than I started working on myself and praying for God to help me. I also prayed for WW. I began to try to forgive her

Joe46, I admire your ability to go to that very uncomfortable, vulnerable place inside yourself. That place where you really take stock of your contribution to the breakdown of the M. I have been there, and I forgave my W, but it was obviously conditional, because when I caught her with OM again, I clearly could not let go of my anger. I am just not there yet. I think that living under the same roof is just too much for me. I will just continue to work on myself. Again, kudos to you.

Keep taking deep breaths, keep putting one foot in front of the other and know that feeling the pain that you do means that you love deeply and are a good man.

PigPen, I will take your advice. Although I likened my situation to one of PTSD, I appreciated your comparison to addiction. I think I am a little hard on myself when I feel that I have not emotionally rebounded from the A. I think I need to give myself MORE TIME. In that spirit, this past week I had TWO (!) consecutive days where I focused on my work above all else. It felt good to get back into the swing of things. My performance review with my boss went well and, as usual, it seems like my catastrophic predictions were greatly exaggerated. Speaking of the book "Resilience", have you seen the movie Unbroken? I would like to see it at some point.

RAI - It hurts to just read this - I am sorry. So hard with young kids that just don't understand what and why and how (not that we understand any more than they do). This hurdle is crossed, it wobbled but didn't tip over, you landed on your feet and now time to run to the next one. (what's this, a marathon with hurdles? - yikes)

u-turn, I did survive telling my children, didn't I?
I was heart broken by the story about your client. Yet, you took the experiences and it became your turning point. A positive turning point. You rebounded and are better for it. Perhaps, one day you can thank that client for setting you back in the right direction.

Yay...you must be relieved that your mother is finally out of the hospital.

Wonka, I am very relieved. So much could have gone worse. I am so thankful. I just heard about a 40y old with 4 children who died this week. So tragic. We have to be thankful for every moment we are alive. Similarly, we have to appreciate those around us.

I'm curious: what are you going to do about work? I've suffered from the same lack of focus and motivation and the impact was a hit on my income because I freelance and just couldn't be bothered to work. But there was no self-assessment nor boss to disappoint, only some clients who found me elusive for a while ("He must be busy because he's very good!").
The Announcement sounds like a terrible moment for you. I, too, cried when I announced it, along with then-D6. And WW was also emotionless, paying her dues and politely waiting for the duty to be over. It's not mind-reading, she told me so herself. There's nothing to understand from their attitude: their mind is elsewhere. It will take months or years before they reflect on it. They might never feel as much guilt as we feel pain. It's just a hazard of the human experience, I'm afraid.

Mozza, it seems like there is not too much for me to do about my work right now. My boss knows I am going through a D. He knows that promotion is the last thing on my mind right now. I am going to keep my nose to the grindstone and continue to do the best work that I can.
As far as my WW, she is a hollow shell. I am not sure if she was always that way and just putting on an act or if something snapped in her. I would really like to know - not that it would matter at this point.

Thanks everyone for your support as I go through this. I appreciate your insight, but more importantly, the fact that I am never alone in my struggle. Being a LBS is like having a disease, but a shameful disease. You cannot share details with your friends, so you suffer alone. It must have been ten times worse before the internet and DB.

RAI

[Bob723]

Hello RAI,

I've been wondering how things are going and have been praying for you. I am very happy your Mom is out of the hospital.

Thank you for posting an update now. You can always share with us--we all understand and have your back! I'd be lost without this group as a LBH.

Okay, now get back to your regularly scheduled GAL and PMA.

Good to hear from you. Hang in there, please.

Bob

[RAI]

Bob,

You are a blessing. Thanks for your prayers.

Lately, when I pray, it is very inward - thinking about what I want and what is happening to me. I am going to try to be more outwardly focused in my life and my prayers. You are my inspiration to do this.

I have yo go be with my kids. I will try to check in on recent developments on your thread at some point.

Thanks,

RAI

[Bob723]

RAI,

Enjoy your children, and you are most welcome!

Bob

[RAI]

One more thing for the group:

I was walking back from the outdoor track last night, and OM was parked in his pick-up truck with the headlights off down the street from my house. As I have mentioned before it is not the first time I have seen him prowling. It was at 10:53 PM, and he was sitting in his truck. I doubt he had any business in my neighborhood at that time.

I am sick of seeing this guy. the only people I told that I was going out running were my kids, W, and running buddy. I find it very suspicious that both times I went running in the last while, he has been there. So, I suspect WW texts him to tell him when I go out. I have no idea why he is always there, or what his intentions are. Is he trying to make me uncomfortable? Is he spying on me to update W on my GAL activities? Does he have more sinister plans?

Does anyone think I should do anything about this? OR just ignore.

RAI

[u-turn]

interesting that you are in his head - guess you can't tell what he's thinking. If you feel unsafe or harassed, I would contact the police.

Otherwise - maybe just wave (either one finger or all of them, your choice).

Smiling and waving was a way to antagonize my foes in a former life - I got some enjoyment out of it in some passive aggressive way.

Take care of yourself (don't want to see you on the next Friday dateline mystery). (got my second death threat today from W - maybe I'll be on the 20/20 mystery)

Kidding aside - take care of yourself.

[Mozza]

I told you before: so long as it doesn't involve any danger for you, I think it's fantastic that he cares so much about you! (if it's not a coincidence) It gives you so much power over him. His satisfaction is dependent on your reaction. If you ignore him, if you're not affected by his behavior, then HE is annoyed, humiliated even. All he can do is sit in his truck. You go about your business, showing him what a toothless ghost he is, making him feel ridiculous for even trying.

[ralphy]

I'd probably take out my phone and take a couple of pictures. Let him see you taking them. Does your W know he's sitting there? Maybe if she knew OM is a psycho stalker type, it would help lift the fog a little.

Maybe order a pizza and have it delivered to the truck?

[Vanilla]

RAI

If OM is stalking either you or WW it is very serious indeed.

Choose to get practical advice, and to keep a journal of it with evidence, photographs etc. there can be restraining with enough evidence. I like Ralphy suggestions but to start with if I were you I would be covert. Otherwise the stalker gets creepier and sneaker.

It concerns me greatly.

V

[RAI]

V, ralphy, mozza, and u-turn. Thanks for the replies. I hope to address each of you in time, but right now I have another question. W has a history of kidney stone. S13 just told me that her stones are acting up. It is 11:30 pm where I am. I am worried that W is going to need to go to the emergency room at some point. I don't know if she will ask me to take her. If she does, what should I do? She fired me as her husband, I don't think it is still my responsibility, but I also don't want to seem callous. I also don't feel the need to do anything for her right now, especially since she is actively engaged in an A right now. This is along the lines of her experiencing consequences. On the other hand, if she does not ask me, or she asks me, but I refuse, she could go with OM, making me look like a ba$tard and OM look like Florence nightingale. She could further use my refusal to help as further justification for her actions. To be honest, I feel a lot of anger and enmity towards her right now. I am ashamed to feel this way, but it is how I feel. So confused.

RAI