Prowl, we've all been there. I urge you to reach out to someone. A crisis hotline, a pastor or priest will talk with you (even if you're not a religious person, they can help). Please understand that these feelings will pass. Don't let your W decide what your worth is.
We have your back, buddy. Keep posting.
Me: 34 W: 30 Together: 11 years Married: 4 years BD: 4/2014 A Discovered: 5/2014 WW Filed: 7/2014 Separated: 8/2014 Divorced: 10/2015
Prowl, we've all been there. I urge you to reach out to someone. A crisis hotline, a pastor or priest will talk with you (even if you're not a religious person, they can help). Please understand that these feelings will pass. Don't let your W decide what your worth is.
We have your back, buddy. Keep posting.
Me: 34 W: 30 Together: 11 years Married: 4 years BD: 4/2014 A Discovered: 5/2014 WW Filed: 7/2014 Separated: 8/2014 Divorced: 10/2015
I don't want to face the day when I have to see her with someone else. I don't want to have to work in the environment I work in any longer because she is taking half of my retirement and now I won't be able to afford to retire! I don't want to watch another man be more of an influence on my children because he gets to spend more time with them... I don't want to go back to my lonely, crap hole apartment. I don't want another holiday to pass where I spend it alone. I've done this alone thing for so long and i've come to the conclusion that i'm just not a person others want to keep around. Maybe it's my lack of social skills. Maybe it's my recluse/introvert personality that protects my heart from being hurt again. Whatever it is people don't keep me around.
BD Oct 2014 S Dec 2014 D filed Feb 20, 2015 D on hold as money ran out for attorneys and the marital home's future is up in the air
Prowl.... I don't completely understand bc I'm not you with those experiences and your life. But I recognize many similarities to some of your feelings, which I've had or still have.
First, this is tough perhaps one of the most painful things ever, it is okay to ask for help. Friends, family or a professional. Please reach out to someone to talk. I went to a therapist for 11 weeks, some of those double sessions. I had to pack in my pride, but it helped me beyond Words.
Second, you stated a bunch of things you don't want.... What do you want? Do you want to walk your daughter down the isle? Do you want to see your boys through happy marriages with kids of their own? They need you. You are their only father. You alone will only ever be there father. They deserve the best father you can be. Continue to try for them.
Last edited by mahhhty; 07/06/1512:04 AM. Reason: Typo
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
We get that you are hurting really, really badly, and that right now, you are imagining all sorts of bad things in your future, and they seem like certainties. They are not certainties, and how you will feel about those things in those future moments are not certainties.
So, you feel like you will never find love because you are introverted, and you'll be stuck working, and she will be having a great ol time with someone else. Let's talk those through.
First, you are introverted, but there are ways for introverts to meet people, more comfortable venues, and there are ways through counseling to work to mitigate some of your introversion.
Second, you don't know what your future economic situation is going to be. You don't seem to like your job and feel trapped. That is something you can work on and do something about. You also fear not having enough for retirement, but it that was on the assumption that you were supporting both you and your W. You may not be (and you still have a chance to save your M, btw - read the statements of hope at the beginning of DR & DB on 11th hour changes of heart) supporting both, which means you can maintain your standard of living on a lower retirement savings. If you do end up D'ed, who knows who you'll meet, and maybe they are better off than you.
Third, your W may find out that she is not happy and decides to give it a chance. Would you say, no way I'm not going to want you, I couldn't stand seeing you w/ someone else and having to learn the lesson. She may regret her decision for the rest of her life. She may change her mind before she goes down that path. You may find that after working through everything that your W wasn't the person you thought she was and the person she is, is no longer such a object of desire.
Again, if the suicidal thought continue, please call one of those numbers I listed.
Even if they don't you need to be seen by a psychiatrist for help getting through this so that you can see it when the shock of your situation has passed. You also need some IC to deal with why you feel so weak and dependent on this woman, why you think your life isn't worth living without her? You have a lot of issues that have come out in your last posts, but now is not the time to go through them. However, I do know that with some work on some of those issues, you will think and feel differently about your sitch.
Keep talking to someone. Us, the 800 number I posted, or a dependable friend or family member, or call 911 and get some medical relief during your moment of crisis.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
OK Prowl. Checking in. You still there? How are you faring up?
Keep talking to us.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
I was in this place shortly before coming to the board. The reason I didn't go through with it is that I felt my children deserved better than to have to live with that legacy.
You are needed. And you are important. And you can get to the other side of this situation.
My friends on the board helped me through the LRT, and it was very empowering. And using it is good training for the relationship ups and downs that occur even after you get back together. Building your skillset helps you through depression as well.
I hope you have been in touch with someone, preferably in person, that can help you immediately, a healthcare professional, a pastor or crisis center.
Prowl, I get it too. When my WW dropped the ball, I was diagnosed with stomach cancer. I slept in our basement bedroom, every night, crying and alone. Begging God to do something, to help me, to get HER to care about me. Nothing changed. All night she would be on FB, I could see her on messanger and knew she was talking to other guys. Meanwhile I was throwing up in a bucket, craving food but completely unable to eat.
That was in January. January/February (she moved out on V-Day) were two of the roughest months of my life. Watching my life completely dissolve right before my eyes was horrible. Watching my wife go on, acting like everything was fantastic in hers killed me.
Today is July 5th. I beat cancer. I am doing great in life. I am still waiting to get the divorce done, but you know what? I did things for ME and my children. I have been where you are now and I can tell you that it DOES and it WILL get better. I sat in that little bedroom, time and time again, thinking "I could just put a gun in my mouth and end this all..." But I didn't. I knew I was stronger than that and so are you.
You sound like a great guy, someone who is going through a rough patch. Someone who just needs a little cheering up and believe it or not, we are all here for you. Keep your head up, focus on your children and yourself and GAL man. That is what saved me, is "getting a life". Doing things outside the norm, just pick an activity and go with it, something that you would NEVER do. Good luck and I hope to see you posting again soon.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Prowl! Look up the story of Chesley Sully Sullenberger. He was the pilot who save hundreds in the miracle on the Hudson. His father committed suicide. He has spoken about it. It is a terrible legacy to leave to your kids. Instead you have to be opportunity to model resilience and true grit. Your moment to shine may still be years away. Don't miss it by exiting early! Hang in there, you will get through this. I know the pain seems unbearable. We all feel that pain at times. You have a lot of folks here who understand and care. Just take each day as it comes. You are in Damage control more right now. Focus only on taking care of yourself. If you have to get away for a few days, then make up an excuse and get away. Doing this saved my life after BD. If you can't shed suicidal thoughts then please please call the hotline.
