Prowl, please call someone and get some help. I understand those thoughts of just wanting this to all end, I do. I was in that same place in January, things will get better you have to trust that. You are not garbage no matter what she may say. Many of us on here understand those feelings, you will never be rejected here.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Your value is not based upon what she says. Please notify someone at work that you are in crises.
You want this pain to stop, and you see ending your life as a solution. It is not the answer. Your life is worth so much more than the cruelity your W inflicts. This is not the way to make her regret her words or actions.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm really sorry that you are so low. You mention the possibility of taking your life. If you have that thought, call 1-800-SUICIDE immediately. If you think you are going to imminently harm yourself, please call 911 (if you're in the states) immediately. You have kids and they would be devastated. They are innocents in this, and it would scar them for life. This isn't just about your life.
Even if think you aren't serious about that threat, you need (1) to get with someone supportive now. (2) You need to be seen and evaluated by a psychiatrist ASAP. You likely need a bit of medication to get you through this time. It could also help you get a bit less reactive to your W. It is not over, despite what was said. Remember the not believing what they say. That goes especially in an argument. You need to be able to detach from this and come back with a bit more distance and perspective. (3) Find some IC if you haven't soon. You need someone with more training and an appropriate therapeutic relationship that is beyond us here.
It's not over. There is a famous saying that really is true if you stop to think it through: "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
I know you are hurting bad. Real bad. We'll be thinking & praying for you.
Last edited by asitis; 07/05/1510:56 PM.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
This is not the way to make her regret her words or actions.
It's not about making her regret anything anymore... It's just about getting this pain and loneliness to stop.
We have medications and therapy to make it stop. There are medicines that can give you a temporary all stop, and there are those that can help make the pain manageable. These are much better options than the one you are contemplating.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
It's not about making her regret anything anymore... It's just about getting this pain and loneliness to stop.
This is not what you wish to teach your children. This is not how you would want them to deal with pain.
Do not deprive yourself from seeing your children grow, and being an important part of their lives. There are blessings waiting for you. This hour will pass.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Studies of people who are saved after attempting suicide make clear that suicidal feelings are TEMPORARY. The problem is that they don't feel temporary in the moment. But they are. The pain WILL NOT be this strong SOON!
Call for help and let us know that you're OK. Please?!
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
